“Don’t you dare! We have a beautiful stadium. The Lord God gave it to us, and let’s ennnnjoyyyyyyyyyyy and winnnnnnnn innnnnnnn the seconddddddddd haaaaaaaaalfffffffff.”
How much lower can this season go for the Jets? Their best two players are done for the season. Their quarterback is garbage. The backup is one of the most exciting, newsworthy players in the league, coming off a magical playoff season but he can’t get off the bench for more than a few plays for some reason. Now, one of your greatest players of all-time slurs his way to the Ring of Honor and makes Joe Namath look like he has self-control. How are they still serving alcohol at Jets alumni functions?
The funniest thing is since nobody cares about the Jets, the speech barely made any ripples in the news. A replay on Francesa and that’s all we have on YouTube. Can a Jets fan please post a video taken with your cell phone? Or can Jets fans not afford cell phones with cameras? Hey, stop it, stop booing me. Don’t you dare! When a drunkenly belligerent and God-fearing Mark Gastineau is talking down to you, you know you’ve hit rock bottom, Jets fans. Enjoy the rest of the season. Now let’s make some picks. Hallelujah!
COWBOYS AT RAVENS (-3.5)
I just can’t pick a QB who had a wedding video like this.
Pretty much picking this because I like the Ray Lewis/Tom Brady football safety PSA sponsored by the NFL and NFLPA.
I don’t know why I still believe in the Ravens after last week’s performance. But I still don’t believe in the Cowboys.
DP Animal: Ravens
They seem to play to the level of their competition.
This one I had real trouble with but I think the Cowboys are due for a beatdown. A girl can dream.
LIONS AT EAGLES (-4.5)
I thought it was tough being a Giants fan last year. Can’t imagine what Phanatic is going through.
Cats eat birds.
I’m still shaken after last week’s abysmal performance (and my general subpar performance overall). Take this pick with a grain of salt.
DP Animal: Lions
Nick Foles Watch is in full effect.
Something tells me the Eagles will be within 1-3 points in this one.
PATRIOTS (-4.5) AT SEAHAWKS
I’m never going against the Seahawks at home.
But believe in this pick. Another shoe-in!
DP Animal: Seahawks
Homer pick? Maybe, but the Seahawks have already shut down Aaron Rodgers, Tony Romo, and Cam Newton. They can add Tom Brady to the list.
Even with the 12th Man.
GIANTS AT 49ERS (-6.5)
The last time these two teams played, Eli Manning had the game of his career. He’s not going to be intimidated by this D.
Considering it’s at SF, the Giants are atop the division and tend to get lazy at such times, it’s not the playoffs so Eli won’t care, and the Niners are probably going to the Super Bowl, I hope it’s OK to pick against my G-Men just this once.
Love the Giants playing anywhere but New Jersey. Maybe they should move to Brooklyn as well.
DP Animal: Giants
This will be a hell of a game.
This game screams field goal at the last second to win it.
PACKERS AT TEXANS (-3.5)
Poor Packers. This season just keeps getting worse and worse.
DP Animal: Texans
Is it possible the Packers are just OK?
At home, against a struggling Packer team, Houston gets to stay undefeated one more week.
BRONCOS AT CHARGERS (-1.5)
Fuck it if I can understand either team, but home field usually means something in the AFC West.
Another team, like the Ravens, that I have no business believing in. But I do!
DP Animal: Broncos
Stone: 17-13 (Last week: 1-5)
DP Animal: 14-16 (1-5)
Rory: 14-16 (2-4)
Slumdeezy: 14-16 (3-3)
DRK: 13-17 (2-4)
Phanatic: 12-18 (2-4)