I’m about to say something controversial so hold on. I love boobs. OK, that’s not the controversial part, but why do we have to watch an entire month of football where the players look like fucking Easter eggs? I know wearing pink is for breast cancer awareness but do we really have to celebrate it for a quarter of the season?
There are so many other causes. Let’s mix it up. Blue for prostate cancer. Orange for Chuckstrong. Heck, even go rainbow for gay rights. Let’s just agree that we’re only going to take a week or two every season and get all dressed up. It would have a much bigger impact anyway. The pink has run it’s course. Maybe it’s just that the Giants always play great in October and I’m sick of looking at highlights of Victor Cruz doing the salsa like he’s covered in cotton candy. Or maybe the Giants always play great in October because of the pink. Must be Eli’s favorite color. On second thought, I take everything I said back. Let’s make some picks.
CARDINALS AT VIKINGS (-6.5)
Skelton/Kolb is the worst football duo since Finkle and Einhorn.
In honor of their about-to-be-in-the-World-Series baseball brethren.
I feel this is a bounce back game for the Kolb Klan.
DP Animal: Vikings
There’s nothing quite as engaging as a quarterback controversy where both options kind of suck.
This line confuses me.
RAVENS AT TEXANS (-6.5)
Good teams don’t fall apart with the loss of one or two players.
Those injuries on the Ravens won’t help them win. I think.
DP Animal: Texans
Losing LaDarius Webb will hurt the Ravens more than losing Ray Lewis.
COWBOYS (-2.5) AT PANTHERS
The Cowbots always make me LOL.
Ha ha! Keith wrote Packers instead of Panthers when he originally sent out the lines! Take that!
DP Animal: Cowboys
I hope I hope I hope.
JETS AT PATRIOTS (-10.5)
I just don’t think the best team in the league is 10 points better than the worst team. And these teams are neither the best nor the worst.
DP Animal: Patriots
10.5 is mean after last week.
STEELERS (-1.5) AT BENGALS
Have we decided if the Steelers suck yet?
I just think the Steelers are better. But, hey, look at my gambling record.
DP Animal: Bengals
Oh AJ Green, you’re so good, and no one seems to care.
LIONS AT BEARS (-6.5)
Now that everyone’s high on the Bears, it’s their turn to fall.
And the Bears are a very good team. The end.
DP Animal: Bears
I think it’s time we all agreed that Matt Stafford isn’t very good.
Stone: 20-16 (Last week: 3-3)
DP Animal: 18-18 (4-2)
Slumdeezy: 17-19 (3-3)
Rory: 16-20 (2-4)
Phanatic: 15-21 (3-3)
DRK: 13-23 (0-6)