Jabroni of the Week: Angelina Jolie

Posted: February 26, 2012 by Keith Stone in jabronis
Tags: , ,

I don’t mind attention whores. Lady Gaga is insane but somewhat entertaining. I don’t mind the holier-than-thou types like Matt Damon who always seem to be calling attention to a cause. But one thing I can’t stand are holier-than-thou attention whores. Angelina Jolie is their queen.

The slit in her Oscar dress is just so obvious. We all know she wants the attention. We get it. She has insane lips and a great body. She’s married to Brad Pitt. She travels the world and saves orphan babies of all races. Wasn’t it just a few years ago that her and Billy Bob announced on the red carpet that they were banging in the limo on the way over? How come nobody talks about that anymore? Matter of fact, wasn’t it a little strange that she was married to a redneck almost twice her age and they wore vials of each other’s blood around their necks? Or was that her and the brother that she made out with? This all happened not too long ago.

Angelina, baby, you’re hot. Just fucking get out of my face. I liked you in Tomb Raider but the rest of your movies look like absolute shit so I haven’t seen any since. Just because you traveled the globe doesn’t mean you know everything about the world’s ills. You can’t dress like a whore on the red carpet and be Secretary-General of the UN. Pick one. When the dean from Community is making fun of you at the Oscars, you may have an image problem.

The only thing that upsets me more is that nobody calls you out on your bullshit. Chicks adore you. They think you’re such a role model. All I know is that I don’t want my daughter wearing some old dude’s blood around her neck. And Brad Pitt is a dumbass. It’s great that you’re trying to help people but remember where you came from. Don’t hide the crazy slut that I know is still lurking inside of you. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.

  1. Deeapnkar says:


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