Jabroni of the Week: Children International Girl

Posted: August 21, 2011 by Keith Stone in Children International, jabronis

There’s really one big reason I listen to music everywhere I go on the streets of New York City. It’s so people don’t bother me. Homeless people, dudes trying to sell their CD’s, and especially Children International. Tuesday was a particularly nice day and against my better judgement I went headphone-less. It was a disaster.

I was bombarded every two minutes but one particular girl was the worse. I did my patented “eyes on the prize” move which means I basically look straight ahead like I’m blind while the assclown tries to shake my hand and asks me if I like helping children or whatever. Except this time, as I ignored the chick she yelled out, “You dropped something.” I looked back and had dropped nothing. Bitch made me look like a fool.

Look, honey, Keith Stone is nobody’s fool. Well, maybe Kate Upton’s fool, but you sweetie are no Kate Upton. I’m sorry I don’t want to help any kids. I know it’s for only the price of a cup of coffee a day but I don’t drink coffee. I heard the schpeel my first week of college. That was eight years ago. I’m sorry your life sucks and people ignore you all day. I admire that you want to do good, but I hear your shit everyday several times a day. And if I have any extra money, I’ll just give it to a homeless dude. Yeah, maybe he’s going to buy booze with it but at least he won’t skim off the top. If you want to help somebody, join the Peace Corps. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.

  1. Pedro Cerrano says:

    “Assclown!” From one Jerichoholic to another, classic!

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