Archive for the ‘bicycles’ Category

Our Long National Nightmare Is Over

Posted: November 26, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, bicycles, NBA, Shawn Bradley

Just in time for the Holiday Season comes this heartwarming story. Former NBA center and 7’6″ giant Shawn Bradley was distraught when he discovered that his custom-built $10,000 bike was stolen from his home in Utah. Bradley took up biking after his weight ballooned after his retirement and has become an avid biker, even riding up to 100 miles at a time. Interestingly enough, nothing else was stolen from his property despite the fact that the bike is nearly impossible for a normal-sized person to ride.

At first, I naturally suspected that Greg Ostertag was involved, but Joshua Carter was arrested after the bike turned up during a random visit from his probation officer. If you stole literally one of the biggest bikes in the world, wouldn’t you hide it before your probation officer comes over? It’s a bit suspicious. And how much does it suck to be a giant. Sure you can drink gallons of wine at a time, but if you’re not a movie star like Gheorghe Muresan, you have to spend like ten times the normal price for a bike. You already can’t fit into a car or a bed. I’m just glad things worked out. Otherwise, the big man would’ve had to ride around on one of these:


Bikers Set To Ruin Manhattan

Posted: September 28, 2011 by Keith Stone in bicycles, New York

I hate bikers. They think they own the streets and never obey traffic rules. Then when they have to stop to let me go, I get a dirty look. Sorry, you’re trying to go through a red light while going the wrong way. I’m walking here, motherfucker. For some reason, New York has an infatuation with bicycles. They redid like every street with bike lanes. That was enough. Now they’ve announced a bike share system that’s going to put an extra 10,000 potential accidents on the road. Luckily, it’s going to be paid for by commercial sponsors but I don’t like this one bit.

The streets are crowded enough. There’s already too many maniacs riding bikes around. They actually had to put monitors on the bridges to make sure bikers and pedestrians obeyed the rules. Now there’s going to be more maniacs, but they’re going to be less experienced maniacs. Bikes are great in some cities but not New York because of the abundance of public transportation. If you’re late, take a taxi. This isn’t Denver.

NY Times