Archive for the ‘Knicks’ Category

>The Slutty Bartender

Posted: February 22, 2011 by Keith Stone in Knicks, Melo
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I went to Joshua Tree on 3rd Ave. on Sunday night (President’s Day FTW). One of the bartenders there was as sloppy as it gets. Big tits with a tight shirt, thong hanging out. She knew what she was doing when she was bending down. Every time you ordered a drink from her, she flirted so hard you expected her to take you into the bathroom in exchange for a tip. Every guy knows what I’m talking about.

As hot as she was, though, I got to thinking what I would have to go through to hook up with her. Even after seeing her shake her ass at every guy at the bar, I couldn’t say no when she asked me if I wanted another drink. How much money would I spend and how much of her slut antics would I put up with?

The Knicks finally acquired Carmelo Anthony on Monday night and it played out like the guy making a move for the slutty bartender. In the end, they bought plenty of drinks: Danilo Galinari, Wilson Chandler, Ray Felton, Timmy Mozgov, Anthony Randolph, Eddy Curry, a first-round draft pick, two second-round draft picks, and $3 million. It’s frustrating because it seems like they’re giving up a lot and maybe they didn’t need to. I think that as Knicks fans, it’s hard to say goodbye because these players were likable and it was fun to see them grow particularly after that horrid stretch from 2005-2007. The team is 28-26, though. They weren’t exactly setting the world on fire. Wilson Chandler is a restricted free agent at the end of the season and was unlikely to come back. Gallo had an extra year on his contract but it would have been tough to keep him when he became a free agent as well. Mozgov is a project. Ray Felton played great but has been struggling with injuries. Chauncey Billups will be a better replacement despite being on his last legs.

This girl is definitely going home with someone. The Russian guy at the end of the bar was ordering vodka tonics and telling her about his Jet Ski and some douche from LA wearing shades was circling. The Knicks are cooler but those guys made them step up. She’s not going home with the Knicks just because there’s nobody else there, but it’s a lot easier to persuade a girl to go to Midtown than Jersey or Brooklyn. They tried to play it cool and wait till closing time but their buddy in a band with the rich dad kept prodding them to buy more drinks and go for it right now. If the Knicks couldn’t seal the deal, he might start hanging out with his friend from Detroit a lot more. So they bought a couple extra rounds of shots and soon the chick was stumbling into a taxi.

If the Knicks didn’t make a move, maybe they make the second round of the playoffs, but without serious reinforcements would they ever contend? There’s no telling how long Amar’e is going to be playing as well as he is. Melo’s a top-15 player in the league and he makes the Knicks potentially greater than they would be with anyone they traded away. Melo is battle-tested. He’s played in 45 career playoff games in the significantly harder West. He’ll be ready to go up against the Bulls in the first round and won’t be afraid of the Heat, Celtics, and Magic.

It’s clear now that Melo wasn’t going to wait to become a free agent. The free agent class of 2012 is loaded but it’s so far away. The only players the Knicks have under contract for 2012-2013 are Amar’e, Melo, and Renaldo Balkman for about $45 million. Depending on the new CBA, they should still have some flexibility. This was really the Knicks’ one chance to get any game-changer until then and nobody knows what the new Collective Bargaining Agreement will bring. There may be franchise tags or a hard cap. You can bring the slutty bartender home and she might be a dude, but it’s worth the risk.

Ultimately, Amar’e and Carmelo are the cornerstones of this team. Their games do not complement each other, but they are gamers and maturing into leaders. Coach D is smart and will help them figure it out. All three of them have something to prove. Carmelo is coming to New York to show that this entire hassle was worth it. He and Amar’e need to rally the team around them and make a commitment to defense and rebounding. We all know they’re going to score. A lot. It’s how they do the other things that will make all the difference.

With a upgraded starting lineup but short bench, it’s going to be tough for the Knicks to contend for a title as currently constructed. However, the NBA is a superstar-driven league and now they have two. THE KEY IS THAT THE KNICKS HAVE TWO SUPERSTARS. The second- and sixth-leading scorers in the NBA are on the Knicks. You got the slutty bartender home before some other prick could swoop in and take her. What else can you ask for? You may have spent a ton of cash and lost some of your dignity but you had a hell of a night. The important thing is that you got her home. And if one day a girl from New Orleans, a bitchy Mormon, or a tall chick dressed as Superman want to join the fun, you’re right up there with the best of the best.

My slutty bartender didn’t have such a great night as the Knicks’ girl. After they started playing “I Wanna Dance With Somebody,” she tried to climb onto the bar and fell backwards into a mirror. She was helped away by a bouncer. I guess now I know what it’s like to be a Grizzlies fan.

>Carmelo Anthony Slot Machine

Posted: February 17, 2011 by Keith Stone in ESPN, Knicks, Melo, ridiculous
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ESPN.com has a new feature called the Carmelo Anthony Slot Machine. It may be the worst idea since Katy Perry married Russell Brand and I have no idea how it works. I just spun the wheel and got 4 Knicks Carmelos, 3 Nuggets Carmelos, and 1 Lakers Carmelo. What does that mean? Are we cloning Carmelo Anthony and having the greatest trade in NBA history when he gets traded for himself? Here’s the link. If anyone figures it out, let me know.

>Watch Your Back, Al

Posted: February 16, 2011 by Keith Stone in Al Horford, Amar'e, Knicks
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You know how I know the Knicks are back? They’re getting into feuds with other teams. The last time the Knicks played the Hawks, Marvin Williams shoved Shawne Williams and punches were thrown. That followed Al Horford playing to the crowd after blocking one of Amar’e’s shots. The rematch is tonight at the Garden. Amare predicted a “very, very intense game after what happened in Atlanta.” That’s two very’s. Amar’e added, “[Horford] don’t want to see me. I watched him play in Florida, and I’ve seen him play a few years in Atlanta. We’ve got two different games, and we’ll see how it plays out.”

Horford responded, “I don’t understand what he means by that, ‘He don’t want to see me.’ Like we’re supposed to be scared of him. Ain’t nobody scared of him. We’re all grown men, so it’s all good.” Them’s fightin’ words. Amar’e has a bad toe, but is going tonight, no doubt to settle the score. That’s why you gotta love him. He’s got pride. It’s going to be a heated game, but the best way Amar’e and the Knicks can instill fear in Horford is to get the W.

>Best Go NY Go???

Posted: February 15, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, Knicks
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First, Landry Fields absolutely kills it working at that Modell’s. Now, he’s starring in a hilarious version of Go NY Go with the kid that lip syncs on YouTube and some assorted friends. Personally, I think it’s Andy Rautins’s best work all season. So now is it better than the immortal 1994 video? Feel free to answer in the Comments. Just remember, you do not want to make Anthony Mason angry.

>Landry Fields: Modell’s Employee

Posted: February 10, 2011 by Keith Stone in job search, Knicks, Landry Fields
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Landry Fields already has a Rookie of the Year resume. But the other day, he took time off to work undercover at a Modell’s in Westchester. Not only does he look like me, but the kid is hilarious. He even makes a Patrick Ewing reference and does a mean Amar’e impression. This pushes him over the top for me. Sorry Blake. Check it out.

>Fear

Posted: February 10, 2011 by Keith Stone in Knicks, rants
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For me, the theme of the Knicks season has been fear and overcoming it. Amar’e Stoudemire and Ray Felton weren’t afraid to accept the challenge of reviving a downtrodden franchise. Young guys like Wilson Chandler, Danilo Gallinari, Landry Fields, and Shawne Williams haven’t been afraid to step up when the team has needed them. And the fans, we’re never been afraid to make some noise.

After a 3-8 start, the Knicks have shown no fear with wins over the Spurs, Heat, Thunder, and Bulls. That’s four of the best seven teams in the league. On the back of Amar’e’s 26.2 points-per-game, they were playing like we all wanted them to: running, shooting, hustling, playing a little D. It seemed like every night there was another hero. Shawne hitting a big 3. Gallo driving unabashedly to the hole. Even Timmy Mozgov with a double-double. There was a different aura around the team than there’s been since Jeff Van Gundy resigned. There was hope.

After last night’s 116-108 loss to the Clippers at the Garden, it seems like the luster has faded a bit on this feelgood story. Then, Amar’e came out and said the words that I least wanted to hear, “Seemed like we were afraid out there.” He added, “I said it before the game that we have to have supreme focus. I guess they figured I was talking to the wall because we didn’t come out with any focus. You can tell before the game. You can tell…that guys weren’t ready to go.” Last night’s game was unacceptable. We’re 51 games into the season. When the franchise player tells you to go out and play with some heart, you go do it. You don’t let DeAndre Jordan dunk four times.
So what’s the problem? It looks like the small rotation is starting to take a toll. Amar’e’s knees are holding up but when he was lying on the court last night in pain, but heart was in my stomach. Felton has been playing with a banged-up ankle. Gallo, Chandler, and Ronny Turiaf have all missed time with injuries but are pushing on. Did the Knicks get complacent? Did they forget the fire they had earlier in the season? For a while, they were looking like a lock for the 6-seed in the East but now the Sixers are 2.5 games back and have been playing well.
It’s possible that a Knicks team with low expectations and youthful exuberance started out the season unafraid because they didn’t know how to be, like someone climbing a mountain for the very first time. All of a sudden you look down and you don’t realize how high you’ve climbed. You look up and it’s snowing and you have no idea what’s it’s going to take to reach the top. Then, you’re afraid. Sometimes the fear of success is almost as great as the fear of losing. I think the Knicks have reached that point.
We haven’t even talked about Carmelo yet. He’s been looming over the entire season ever since Queen James spurned the team. We looked at LeBron like a superhero who would save the franchise. Now Carmelo has taken his place but I don’t see him as a quick fix especially after last night’s game. Carmelo will bring scoring, but will he bring toughness, heart, and defense? Don’t get me wrong. I would love to have him on the team for the right price and I think he makes the Knicks immediately better, but does he get them to top of the mountain? He’s like a Sherpa bringing supplies. It helps but ultimately the climber has to have enough fortitude and courage himself to do what he previously thought was impossible.
The Carmelo situation has probably affected some members of the team that might not be here in a couple of weeks, wrongly or rightly so. You can’t control injuries but you can control what happens when somebody goes to the hoop. That’s what the Knicks need to focus on. They probably won’t win the Trophy this year but there’s still a lot at stake. The hopes of the fanbase for the past 10 years are on the line. More importantly, Knickerbocker Pride is on the line. Poor preparation, disinterest and fear can never happen.
After losing a bad game to the Rockets earlier in the season, Amar’e had a similar diatribe and the Knicks ripped off 13 of 14.  Regardless of how the Melodrama plays out, Amar’e is my superhero and this season will revolve around how he rallies his teammates. The have overcome it before, but not with this many injuries and question marks. In the name of Charles Oakley, I think Amar’e will never let this happen again. The Knicks will not be afraid to keep climbing the mountain.
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