Jabroni of the Week: PETA

Posted: November 20, 2011 by Keith Stone in jabronis, Mario, PETA, video games

I did it all for the tanooki.

PETA came out this week denouncing Super Mario, yes Super Mario. Not for shooting fireballs at Koopa Troopas, not for stomping on Goombas, but for wearing his tanooki suit and thereby supporting the fur industry. Mario has been wearing the tanooki suit for over 20 years. He needs it save Peach. It’s not like he’s wearing it to the Grammys or something. How else is Mario going to turn into a statue and let his enemies walk on by? He wears it rarely, anyway. It’s only in like three levels.

Apparently, tanukis (real spelling) are actual animals and people do make clothing out of their fur. I don’t condone it, but for Luigi’s sake, PETA needs to get off their high horse and stop making a big deal every time an animal reference is made in the world. Just because Ron Burgundy punted Baxter off a bridge doesn’t mean anyone is going to do it in real life.

Mario’s tanooki suit looks nothing like actual tanuki clothing. If he was wearing a tanooki scarf, that would be one thing. Tanukis are the size of squirrels. Nobody is going to be inspired by Mario to gut one and wear it like they were a mascot for a Japanese baseball team.

PETA, baby, I know you mean well, but Mario is no Michael Vick. He loves all animals (and fungi) as long as they don’t kidnap his girlfriend. I think that’s fair enough. Mario will do whatever it takes to get her back, whether it’s turn into a tanooki, frog, or cloud. That’s love.

Mario’s just a simple plumber. He doesn’t support the fur industry. The only fashion statement he likes to make is red overalls. How bout this? The first time Paris Hilton goes to a club opening in a tanooki suit, Mario will send a few fireballs her way. Everybody wins. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.

Washington Post

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