Archive for the ‘video games’ Category

Jabroni of the Week: PETA

Posted: November 20, 2011 by Keith Stone in jabronis, Mario, PETA, video games

I did it all for the tanooki.

PETA came out this week denouncing Super Mario, yes Super Mario. Not for shooting fireballs at Koopa Troopas, not for stomping on Goombas, but for wearing his tanooki suit and thereby supporting the fur industry. Mario has been wearing the tanooki suit for over 20 years. He needs it save Peach. It’s not like he’s wearing it to the Grammys or something. How else is Mario going to turn into a statue and let his enemies walk on by? He wears it rarely, anyway. It’s only in like three levels.

Apparently, tanukis (real spelling) are actual animals and people do make clothing out of their fur. I don’t condone it, but for Luigi’s sake, PETA needs to get off their high horse and stop making a big deal every time an animal reference is made in the world. Just because Ron Burgundy punted Baxter off a bridge doesn’t mean anyone is going to do it in real life.

Mario’s tanooki suit looks nothing like actual tanuki clothing. If he was wearing a tanooki scarf, that would be one thing. Tanukis are the size of squirrels. Nobody is going to be inspired by Mario to gut one and wear it like they were a mascot for a Japanese baseball team.

PETA, baby, I know you mean well, but Mario is no Michael Vick. He loves all animals (and fungi) as long as they don’t kidnap his girlfriend. I think that’s fair enough. Mario will do whatever it takes to get her back, whether it’s turn into a tanooki, frog, or cloud. That’s love.

Mario’s just a simple plumber. He doesn’t support the fur industry. The only fashion statement he likes to make is red overalls. How bout this? The first time Paris Hilton goes to a club opening in a tanooki suit, Mario will send a few fireballs her way. Everybody wins. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.

Washington Post

A Nice Story, For Once

Posted: September 16, 2011 by Keith Stone in hockey, NHL, video games

14-year-old Lexi Peters loves video games and hockey. While playing one of EA Sports’s NHL games, she hoped to use the customize mode to recreate the girls’ team she played for. However, the game only allowed players to create men. Lexi wrote a letter to EA Sports and in this year’s version of the game, not only are women characters available, but she’s the default model. Pretty cool stuff.

Maybe if I wrote a letter to the creators of Mortal Kombat, I could be a character. My only move would be throwing unopened cans of beer at my opponents and my fatality would be writing disparaging blog posts about them. Flawless victory.

Globe and Mail

Trivia Time: Super Mario Edition

Posted: July 11, 2011 by Keith Stone in Super Mario, trivia, video games

Mario is awesome. Who else can shoot fireballs out of their nose? Mario’s come a long way since his debut in Donkey Kong in 1981 when he could only jump, climb ladders, and smash barrels with a hammer. In fact, when the game was first developed he didn’t have a name and was known by another moniker. That brings us to our Question of the Week. Get it right and you get a night with Princess Peach. The answer, as always, is after the jump.

What was Mario originally called? (and a hint: it is not fat Italian plumber)


The Supreme Court has rejected a California law that would have banned kids from buying violent video games in a victory for freedom everywhere by a vote of 7-to-2. The Court cited free speech and consumer protection. I’ve been ripping hearts out and decapitating video game characters since I was 8. Me and Scorpion ran shit and I turned out OK. Sort of. Video games have ratings and kids have parents. If a kid can handle a mature video game, it’s fine. If the parents are idiots, then yeah the kid might be fucked up and end up going to Rutgers. Truth is, he’s going to be fucked up whether he’s playing violent video games or not. The kid might as well have a little fun. Last time I checked, California was a mess and the Supreme Court had more important things to think about than video games. Like the BCS. This isn’t communist Sweden. Let the kids have their video games! U!S!A! U!S!A!


Million-Dollar Perfection

Posted: May 30, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, MLB 2K11, video games

Brian Kingrey, a 25-year-old music teacher from Louisiana, was the winner of MLB 2K11‘s $1 million prize for pitching a perfect game. Amazingly, it was the first baseball video game he’d ever played. Brian’s wife convinced him to go for the prize while they watched a G4 show about the contest. After watching him dominate shooters for years, she figured it would be a piece of cake. It turned out to be worth many pieces of cake as Brian played with every team and studied up on players, techniques, and even the rules of baseball to get ready for the April 1 start date. Using Roy Halladay, he got achieved perfection two hours after the contest began. It was a fairytale story that would only be featured at Comic-Con. And this is why chicks should encourage us to play video games. I wonder if Brian’s wife has a younger sister?