Jabroni of the Week: Rudy

Posted: December 25, 2011 by Keith Stone in crime and punishment, jabronis, Rudy

How many of you have had a movie made about them? Unless your name is Chuck Wepner, put your hand down. Rudy Ruettiger is an American cinema icon. That’s why I was in shock when he charged as part of an investment scam that stole $11 million from investors. Rudy is the story of the ultimate underdog. Underdogs don’t steal $11 million. How does Rudy not get everything for free already? Rudy should not have to pay for anything. All of Rudy’s attempted purchases should instead be met with a “Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!” chant.

Rudy apparently lied about his sports drink company Rudy Nutrition, which made a sports drink called “Rudy.” While I admire his business pluck, he’s not really striking while the iron is hot. How about marketing a set of Rudy drinks back in, say, 1993? Rudy told investors that his drink outsold Gatorade and had major distributors that had agreed to sell the drink. I would make fun of the investors for believing a fledgling sports drink named Rudy outsold Gatorade, but when Rudy Ruettiger tells you something, you believe him.  Rudy didn’t just mislead the investors; he misled all of us.

Rudy, baby, our heroes cannot disappoint us. They’re there to make us feel better about our miserable lives. What would Coach say? What would your dad say? What would that black janitor say? People look up to you, Rudy. You’re the go-to video to pump up fans at any sporting event. I know you probably got talked into doing the scam but just remember: nobody, and I mean nobody, comes into our house and pushes us into an investment scam. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.

ABC South Bend, IN

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