Another NFL season is here, which means it’s another opportunity to prove my picks domination and hopefully help people win some money. This year, we’re picking six games each and Dat Roro Kid has joined the fray, bringing us up to six competitors. Hence, the Six-Pack Challenge. If anyone can unseat the champ, I’ll buy them a six-pack of their favorite beer. And if Phanatic wins, I’ll let her feel my six pack. Everybody’s a winner.
Picking games in WEEK 1 is like talking to random chicks in a bar. There’s a certain amount of info you can gauge from afar, or by watching preseason games. If a girl has her tongue pierced, she’s probably a freak. If she’s rocking a hockey jersey, she’s probably cool as hell. But really, until you go up and talk to her, there’s really no way to tell if she’s cool (playoff contender) or a sloppy mess (Jets). Just think, last year the Bengals were like the red-headed chick with an annoying laugh. Turns out, she had a great personality and the Bengals made the playoffs. For this reason, keep the bets low and don’t avoid any redheads you see at a bar. Picks time!
REDSKINS AT SAINTS (-7.5)
Stone: Redskins
RG3.
Slumdeezy: Saints
They’ll win twice this weekend. Once on appeal and once on the field.
DRK: Saints
Rory: Saints
Good on the Saints for fighting authority, and winning! Take that, John Mellencamp!
DP Animal: Saints
Fresh off sticking it to the Ginger Hammer, the Saints stick it to a Washington team that, RG3 aside, sucks.
Phanatic: Saints
Week 1, at home, the Saints something to prove after this offseason.
BILLS AT JETS (-2.5)
Stone: Jets
The J-E-T-S usually wait till the middle of the season to break their fans’ hearts.
Slumdeezy: Bills
Mo quarterbacks, mo problems.
DRK: Bills
Both of these teams could die in a house fire and I would be totally OK with that.
Rory: Bills
This is a pure spite pick. I want the Jets season to go off the rails so bad, and this pick will let me savor it even more.
DP Animal: Jets
Phanatic: Bills
To say the jets look like a mess is an understatement and they’re due for a wake up call.
PATRIOTS (-5.5) AT TITANS
Stone: Patriots
Tom Brady and the Pats can’t be happy after the way last season ended.
Slumdeezy: Patriots
DRK: Patriots
Rory: Patriots
Because the Patriots are going to be very good. And the Titans will not be.
DP Animal: Patriots
Phanatic: Patriots
49ERS AT PACKERS (-4.5)
Stone: 49ers
Pack still wins but the Niners stay close.
Slumdeezy: Packers
Cheeseheads and gold diggers. What’s not to love?
DRK: Packers
Can the 49ers make the next step early in the season? I don’t see it. I see a “fall back down to Earth” year for the Niners.
Rory: Packers
Because the Packers are going to be very good. And the 49ers will also be good, but not as good as the Packers.
DP Animal: Packers
Yes, they flamed out a bit in the playoffs, and yes, their defense is probably mediocre at best, but the 49ers are massively overrated, and I don’t see Alex Smith going in to Lambeau and winning.
Phanatic: 49ers
Should be an interesting test for both teams to set this season’s tone.
STEELERS AT BRONCOS (-1.5)
Stone: Steelers
All the attention is on the Broncos but the Steelers aren’t too bad themselves. And they’ve got to want revenge after being knocked out in Denver in 2011.
Slumdeezy: Broncos
The Chosen One returns. Hope it’s better than Chapter 1 of the Book of Eli.
DRK: Broncos
Rory: Broncos
I’m jumping on the Peyton Manning Redemption Tour….for now.
DP Animal: Steelers
I don’t buy the Manning hype. Let’s see him actually play and stay healthy first.
Phanatic: Broncos
BENGALS AT RAVENS (-6.5)
Stone: Ravens
I have a feeling about Joe Flacco this year.
Slumdeezy: Ravens
DRK: Ravens
Rory: Bengals
You never know with divisional rivals (see the Cowboys/Giants game, unfortunately).
DP Animal: Bengals
That Ravens D is mighty old.
Phanatic: Bengals
LAST YEAR’S RECORDS
Stone: 142-108
Rory: 136-114
Slumdeezy: 128-122
Phanatic: 122-128
DP Animal: 119-131
Rainman Suite 