There’s nothing worse than having your team’s playoff hopes pinned to another team. Or if you’re a Giants fan, three teams. At the end of the season, there’s no telling what type of performance you’re going to get from a team ready to head South for the winter. Sure, the Lions are going to bring it if it’s WEEK 5, but if Matt Stafford strains his ever-so-tender throwing shoulder against the Bears, he’s going to be out of there faster than a Taylor Kitsch flick after its opening weekend. There are no rules for homebound teams in WEEK 17. Some teams or even individual players may be playing or not playing for different reasons, like pride, free agency, rivalries, or a favorite coach.
It’s like meeting chicks in Las Vegas. When you’re at home, you get the standard variety. There are sweethearts, bitches, prudes, skanks. In Vegas, all bets are off. Good girls turn into Alexis Texas, boyfriends get cheated on, excessive tequila shots are consumed, and false identities are used, but a select few ladies remain true and loyal. Really, when you’re not going to be around in a few days, what’s the point of being on your best behavior? It’s time to get fucked up and freaky. Right, ladies?
So what are we going to see with teams like the Lions, Rams, Cardinals, and Eagles possibly playing huge roles in determining the playoff picture and their Vegas vacations ending soon? In a perfect world, they’d all be playing hard, but you know most of them will end up in a bathroom stall vomiting their brains out while some guy named Julio is snorting coke off their ass, or at least the football equivalent of that. Here’s hoping Eli doesn’t end up with puke on his cleats. Time for some picks…
TEXANS (-7.5) AT COLTS
Chuck is strong.
The Giants have their hopes in the hands of one rookie QB this weeks, so I’ll have mine in two.
DP Animal: Texans
The Colts have nothing to play for.
RAVENS AT BENGALS (-3.5)
Don’t count out the Bengals in the AFC Playoffs.
DP Animal: Bengals
Neither team has much to play for, but I think the Ravens would rather stay the 4th seed (and play Indy).
EAGLES AT GIANTS (-7.5)
Man, you never know what you’re going to expect from the Champs.
Just my sentimental choice. ELI! One more time this season.
DP Animal: Eagles
It’s hard to not take them, one last hurrah before missing the playoffs. Smells like a blowout.
BEARS (-3.5) AT LIONS
Please, pretty please let the Lions win.
For Fro- I mean ELI!
DP Animal: Lions
PACKERS (-3.5) AT VIKINGS
The Pack won’t let a bye get away from them, will they?
DP Animal: Packers
AP won’t get the rushing record either.
To cover at least.
COWBOYS AT REDSKINS (-3.5)
Hey, at least one of these teams will likely have a heartbreaking loss.
Let’s see what this RG3 kid is made of.
DP Animal: Redskins
Well, at least there’s one meaningful game this weekend.
The Cowboys will be eliminated on the last day of the season, again.
Stone: 55-41 (Last week: 3-3)
DP Animal: 51-45 (3-3)
Rory: 51-45 (3-3)
DRK: 48-48 (5-1)
Phanatic: 48-48 (5-1)
Slumdeezy: 45-51 (1-5)
Last week’s picks