Rainman Suite

After last week’s Pats-Rams game in London, everyone and their mom who is associated with the NFL seems to be clamoring for a team out there. On top of the fact that nobody in London cares or even knows the rules of football, there are so many logistical problems involved in this. What about when the Chargers play the London Jaguars? That’s like a 10-hour flight. In a sport where every game matters so much, a team’s season could get sunk by something that doesn’t happen on the field.

The London team would also have a ridiculous home-field advantage and horrible traveling disadvantage. And don’t think about hosting Monday Night Football. The game would start past midnight. The league is using London (and Los Angeles) as leverage so teams with bad stadium situations can get more public money. That’s all it is.

It’s shitty business, but if we’re going to con some taxpayers, we might as well have some fun. So may I introduce you to…the Las Vegas Rams! Nobody mentions Vegas seriously as a viable landing spot for a football team because of the gambling implications but it actually makes perfect sense.

Let’s assume we can get a stadium built within a 5-10 minute drive or a long walk from the Strip. Las Vegas doesn’t have the biggest population but you better believe the eight teams that play there as visitors every year are going to bring their fan base and pack the house. What would be better than a Vegas weekend centered around seeing your team play on Sunday? Yeah, whatever team is based there is pretty much going to be a road team every week but isn’t that better than having empty stadiums in Jacksonville, St. Louis, or Oakland? The NFL oozes violence and sex, so where better to put a team than Sin City? You know what else oozes violence and sex? Our picks. Picks!