Last week, I needed an Eagles cover against the Cowboys in the Sunday night game to win the weekly picks league I’m in with some friends. Although they kept the game close, Philly’s backups were gagging the game up in the 4th quarter. After the Iggs gave up a 50-yard fumble return TD, they were down 11 and looked dead to rights. But then, my hero Damaris Johnson ran back a punt for a score out of NOWHERE to put $150 in my wallet.
Did I deserve to win? Of course not, but you better fucking believe I loved it. In the context of the game, the punt return was a fairly independent play representative of nothing that had happened previous and it won me money. It put the Eagles in a better spot to win the game too but their only chance to get the win was an onsides kick and that failed. There is so much randomness and luck involved in all of this, it’s not even a joke. I know I’m not exactly breaking new ground here but don’t take the results of your picks too seriously. Unless you took Philly. Then, you’re a genius like me. Now enjoy these picks while I go spend my hard-earned winnings…
RAVENS AT REDSKINS (-2.5)
Stone: Ravens
The Skins have more gimmicks than Carrot Top.
Slumdeezy: Ravens
DRK: Redskins
Keith has done questionable things to a Raven whilst running on South Beach.
Rory: Redskins
Too many injuries for the Ravens, and you got to love the Redskins after last week.
DP Animal: Redskins
Phanatic: Redskins
This is a tough one. It’s sink or swim for RG3 after the performance against the Giants.
JETS (-2.5) AT JAGUARS
Stone: Jets
But seriously, if Revis didn’t get injured the Jets would be on the brink of the playoffs. Yes, the AFC is that bad.
Slumdeezy: Jets
DRK: Jaguars
Rory: Jets
The Jets tragedy will continue as they’ll finish 9-7 and not be able to justify firing anybody.
DP Animal: Jaguars
Can’t take the Jets on the road, giving points.
Phanatic: Jaguars
If only because they’re letting Sanchez back in there. The Jets are lucky it’s an away game. They are in a sad state if affairs.
COWBOYS AT BENGALS (-3.5)
Stone: Bengals
Where did the Bengals come from!?!?!?
Slumdeezy: Bengals
DRK: Cowboys
Rory: Bengals
I like the Bengals – I think they have a decent shot at the playoffs.
DP Animal: Bengals
The better team, at home.
Phanatic: Cowboys
It’s not time for them to choke yet.
SAINTS AT GIANTS (-4.5)
Stone: Saints
Don’t worry. I still got the Champs winning.
Slumdeezy: Giants
Figures to be a shootout. Not sure I got the right side of this but I expect a big margin of victory for whoever wins.
DRK: Giants
Rory: Giants
This is a must win. I will be sorely disappointed if the Giants blow this game.
DP Animal: Giants
The NFC playoffs are going to be fascinating.
Phanatic: Saints
LIONS AT PACKERS (-6.5)
Stone: Packers
Slumdeezy: Packers
Cars are to insurance as Detroit is to Discount Double Check.
DRK: Packers
Matt Stafford is a bad actor, but Aaron Rodgers strikes me as a bit of a dickbag sometimes (get over the height thing, guy).
Rory: Packers
I feel this line should be double digits – the Lions stink.
DP Animal: Packers
I wonder if Jim Schwartz will keep his job.
Phanatic: Packers
TEXANS AT PATRIOTS (-3.5)
Stone: Patriots
Slumdeezy: Texans
A Monday night game that will actually be awesome? Awesome.
DRK: Texans
Fuck you, Tom Brady.
Rory: Texans
I’ve picked all favorites, might as well pick an underdog, even if it is the best team in the league.
DP Animal: Patriots
The injuries in the Houston secondary will equal out the injuries to the Patriots receivers.
Phanatic: Patriots
Going with the home field on this one.
CURRENT RECORDS
Stone: 46-32 (Last week: 3-3)
DP Animal: 41-37 (3-3)
Rory: 39-39 (1-5)
Slumdeezy: 39-39 (1-5)
Phanatic: 37-41 (2-4)
DRK: 37-41 (4-2)
Rainman Suite 