There’s been a lot of talk recently about all the Adderall suspensions in the NFL, and whether they’re even for Adderall. However, there’s another performance enhancer that we should be taking a HARD look at. This week, Brandon Marshall discussed the fact that he’s heard that some football players take Viagra to gain an edge. Despite the fact that it sounds fucking hilarious, high-altitude climbers have found benefits in taking Viagra and Roger Clemens was rumored to have taken many a blue pill during his later career. Doctors are skeptical that it’ll have any impact on the gridiron, but players will do anything to get a leg up.
I’d like to see if Viagra would work in the NFL, so here’s my idea. The Jets are always looking to get attention. Let’s dose all their Gatorade with a little Viagra. Best case, they turn into a somewhat competent squad. Worse case, the entire team runs around with huge boners for 60 minutes and the Post sets a record for most papers sold. The ladies will love it. I don’t see what could go wrong unless Mark Sanchez runs into his lineman’s ass again. Then all bets are off. Speaking of bets…
SEAHAWKS AT BEARS (-4.5)
Stone: Bears
I’m still holding my breath on a Giants-Bears Wild Card matchup.
Slumdeezy: Bears
DRK: Bears
Rory: Bears
DP Animal: Bears
The Seahawks have played an insanely difficult schedule so far. It gets a bit easier after this game, but it might be too late.
Phanatic: Bears
Going with the home-field major advantage in this one.
VIKINGS AT PACKERS (-8.5)
Stone: Packers
Not in Lambeau.
Slumdeezy: Vikings
Too wide a spread for this rivalry.
DRK: Packers
Rory: Vikings
Let’s give it up for those fantastic Wisconsinites! They sure have amazing taunts!
DP Animal: Packers
I have no idea what to think about this Packers team, but I do know they’re better than the Vikings.
Phanatic: Packers
COLTS AT LIONS (-5.5)
Stone: Colts
The Horseshoe needs this one more.
Slumdeezy: Colts
DRK: Colts
Rory: Colts
I don’t believe in the Lions at all.
DP Animal: Colts
I get the whole “Chuckstrong” thing, but this Colts team is almost entirely a product of a soft schedule.
Phanatic: Colts
My most favorite team at the moment.
PATRIOTS (-9.5) AT DOLPHINS
Stone: Dolphins
The Pats always struggle in Miami. I’m calling a shootout.
Slumdeezy: Patriots
DRK: Patriots
Rory: Patriots
I’m predicting a Patriots bloodbath. Bravery!
DP Animal: Patriots
It’s a lot of points to lay on the road, but I don’t see the Fins winning.
Phanatic: Patriots
BUCCANEERS AT BRONCOS (-7.5)
Stone: Buccaneers
The Bucs aren’t going to be under-the-radar for much longer.
Slumdeezy: Buccaneers
DRK: Broncos
Rory: Buccaneers
Hang tough, gentle Bucs!
DP Animal: Buccaneers
Phanatic: Broncos
GIANTS (-3.5) AT REDSKINS
Stone: Giants
The Gmen will be ready for RG3 the second time around.
Slumdeezy: Giants
DRK: Redskins
Rory: Giants
I can’t get a handle on Giants games. I might be worse at picking them than I am at picking Cardinals games.
DP Animal: Redskins
Phanatic: Giants
They’re on their typical end of season run and no one is going to stop them now.
CURRENT RECORDS
Stone: 43-29 (Last week: 5-1)
Rory: 38-34 (3-3)
DP Animal: 38-34 (4-2)
Slumdeezy: 38-34 (4-2)
Phanatic: 35-37 (3-3)
DRK: 33-39 (3-3)
Rainman Suite 