Posts Tagged ‘Canada’

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My favorite game of the season is always the sketchy Bills home game at the Rogers Centre (nee SkyDome) in Toronto. It always seems to be relatively meaningless, but this year there’s actually a lot on the line. How lucky is it that the Seahawks, a team in the middle of a playoff chase, get to play in a dome instead of out in the bitter cold of Buffalo? Not only that but do the good people of Toronto actually like the Bills? They also just hosted the Grey Cup. I’m not sure that they’re going to be able to get it up so soon afterwards.

I asked my friend Naitch, who’s from Toronto, about the game. He said, “It’ll be a high-scoring shootout. If there were ever two teams to play at the Dome, it makes perfect sense, it’s Buffalo and Seattle.” More importantly, Naitch commented that the sketchiness factor will be “off the charts” and that Psy is performing at halftime. Not bad for a WEEK 15 game, but not as good as the time Alan Thicke christened the place or when William Hung sang “Take Me Out To the Ballgame” during a Jays game. Either way, it’s like Vince Lombardi used to say, “Nothing beats football played in front of ambivalent fans with a South Korean pop sensation performing at halftime.” The only thing that could make it better is if there were rouges. Picks time…

PACKERS (-3.5) AT BEARS
Stone: Packers
The Bears secretly haven’t done much this year.

Slumdeezy: Bears

DRK: Bears

Rory: Packers

DP Animal: Bears
Green Bay’s play remains inconsistent, and I can’t help feeling that the NFC North still has one or two more twists left in it.

Phanatic: Packers
The Packers are hot, the bears are not. Yes I made that rhyme I’m on 4 hours of sleep right now.

GIANTS AT FALCONS (-1.5)
Stone: Giants
Don’t pick against the Champs when people start counting them out.

Slumdeezy: Giants

DRK: Giants

Rory: Falcons

DP Animal: Giants
With the way Matt Ryan has been struggling recently, what exactly does Atlanta do well?

Phanatic: Falcons

VIKINGS AT RAMS (-3.5)
Stone: Vikings
Who thought this game would be so important?

Slumdeezy: Vikings

DRK: Vikings

Rory: Vikings

DP Animal: Rams
Neither team can move the ball much, so I’ll take the home team.

Phanatic: Vikings

BRONCOS (-3.5) AT RAVENS
Stone: Broncos
As a Giants fan, I just want to thank the Ravens for closing out Kirk Cousins and the Skins last week.

Slumdeezy: Ravens

DRK: Ravens

Rory: Broncos

DP Animal: Broncos

Phanatic: Ravens
Denver is coasting with the division locked up.

COLTS AT TEXANS (-8.5)
Stone: Colts
Will Chuck Pagano be at the game?

Slumdeezy: Colts

DRK: Colts

Rory: Texans

DP Animal: Texans
Yes, the Texans were bad in New England, but the Colts’ 9-4 record is built on the back of the kind of easy schedule you get the year after a 2-14 season.

Phanatic: Colts
Seems like the wrong spread after this past week.

49ERS AT PATRIOTS (-5.5)
Stone: Patriots
I have Tom Brady on my fantasy team.

Slumdeezy: 49ers

DRK: 49ers

Rory: Patriots

DP Animal: Patriots
Should be an interesting game, to say the least.

Phanatic: Patriots

CURRENT RECORDS
Stone: 49-35 (Last week: 3-3)
DP Animal: 46-38 (5-1)
Rory: 43-41 (4-2)
Slumdeezy: 42-42 (3-3)
DRK: 41-43 (4-1)
Phanatic: 40-44 (3-3)

Last week’s picks

No, it’s not the title of his latest flick. Ron Jeremy was recruited last year to help put Canadian porn star and cannibal Luka Rocco Magnotta behind bars. Magnotta, who at that point was only killing kittens in online videos and hadn’t moved up to eating humans, was to be recruited to LA by Jeremy under the pretense of starring along side the prolific actor in an upcoming movie. Once there, the organizers of the scheme which included twin Playmates the Barbi Twins (naturally) were going to turn Magnotta in. Jeremy eventually got cold feet about the plan and decided not to participate. It may have been a good idea since, ya know, Magnotta turned out to be a fucking cannibal.

This may be the weirdest story of the year. It’s so weird I wouldn’t even believe it as the plot of one of Ron Jeremy’s movies. I think we may be able to make it work, though. In our film, a hard working porn star (Ron Jeremy as himself) successfully convinces a Canadian jewel thief (animal killer would ruin the mood—I’m thinking Tori Black for the role) to come out to LA to fulfill her lifelong dream of becoming a porn star herself. However, instead of turning her in, he falls in love with the starlet, leading to an emotional 4-way with the Barbi twins and eventually her climactic (in more ways than one) gangbang with the police officers (Lexington Steele and Mr. Marcus) that take her away. There won’t be any cannibalism but body parts will be consumed. It would sweep the AVN Awards.

Toronto Sun