Archive for the ‘Amish’ Category

This Isn’t Paradise, This Is Madness

Posted: October 19, 2011 by Keith Stone in Amish, crime and punishment

Why are the Amish such bad boys? First they don’t want to put reflective strips on their buggies. Now after a dispute over doctrine, a sect of 27 renegades led by the Bishop Sam Mullet (great name) has committed vile crimes against their rivals. That crime? Cutting their beards off. It’s tearing families apart. Arlene Miller had her head shaved and her husband’s beard cut by their own sons.

This is civil war. An Amish Abraham Lincoln must stand tall and unite his people. When I was an extra on Pan Am (humble brag!), they shaved off my sideburns because of course nobody in the 60’s had sideburns. Getting your facial hair cut off is like losing a part of your identity. These Amish should be punished to the fullest extent of the law: 30 days with electricity. When Weird Al sang, “We don’t fight, we all play nice, living in an Amish paradise,” it wasn’t just words. It was life. And now I don’t know what to believe in.

Daily Mail


Mose Schrute Arrested

Posted: September 16, 2011 by Keith Stone in Amish, crime and punishment

No, they’re not coming out with an gay Amish Brady Bunch. These eight fine gentlemen were jailed for not putting up orange safety decals on their horse-drawn carriages. Their religion bars them from displaying bright colors. I am not making this up. The mug shots of the seven dwarves here are so diverse. Most of them look ashamed. Bottom, second from the left looks like he’s a little curious about what life with his new boyfriend in jail is going to be like. Grumpy on the top right is my favorite though. He looks like he’s placing an Amish curse on the photographer. I have to say I like the beards. If I had the ability to grow facial hair I would totally have one.

Smoking Gun