Rainman Suite

Rainman Suite fan favorite Nives Celsius started off her soccer career in style, helping Slaven Belupo shut out powerhouse Zagreb 1-0 to move into first place in the Croatian First League. OK, I’ll be honest, my Croatian is a little rusty and I couldn’t find an English recap of the game so I don’t know if Nives played at all. However in my mind, she played a wonderful game making defiant runs and deft passes in booty shorts and will continue to lead the team to glory. I’ll continue to provide regular updates on Nives’s burgeoning soccer career all season. Who needs basketball? Only 29 more games to the title, baby!

Croatian soccer team Slaven Belupo has an interesting strategy heading into the upcoming season. Coming off a 7th place finish and 10-10-10 record (symmetry!), they have decided to sign Nives Celsius (or Celzijus if you like Cyrillic) whose claim to fame is being the wife, yes wife, of Croat star Dino Drpic and bragging about fucking on the field before a game. Nives also may have invented the Celsius scale because she is hot. Slaven has announced that she will not start but will see playing time this Friday against Zagreb FC. It may not translate into wins for Slaven unless she can distract her opponents, but I still see this as a greater achievement for women’s sports than the WNBA. Maybe a shitty team like the Timberwolves should pull a stunt like this and sign Brooklyn Decker.

Croatian Times