Archive for the ‘Hank Steinbrenner’ Category


Earlier this week, Hank Steinbrenner said of the Yankees failed Title defense, “I think, maybe, they celebrated too much last year. Some of the players, too busy building mansions and doing other things and not concentrating on winning. I have no problem saying that.” SHUT THE FUCK UP MUTHAFUCKA! It just so happens that Derek Jeter is building a mansion and had the worst statistical year of his career in 2010. Jeter, of course, laughed it off because he’s a classy guy but I’m not so classy. The thing is that Jeter and “some of the players” got to within two games of the World Series last year. You don’t get there by celebrating too much. They won 95 games. This wasn’t the ’98 Marlins.

If anything, Hank was celebrating too much and should’ve gotten Cliff Lee when he got the chance. See, Hank thinks he’s like his old man but he’s really just a bunch of noise. The only thing they have in common is that Hank looks like the Boss but only if the Boss was a chain-smoking pedophile. Hank was so incompetent they put his baby brother in charge. His family told him to keep quiet and he still can’t do it. He was even reprimanded by the Commissioner’s Office this week after comparing baseball’s revenue sharing system to communism.
Hank, baby, this is normally the time where’d I’d invite you to come hang out with me and Charlie Sheen, but I have asthma and the cigarette smoke would kill me. Plus, we’re working on his new HBO show. Just do me a favor. Chill the fuck out. If the Yankees are 10 games under .500 in July then by all means, go crazy. But you’re giving Red Sox Nation a ton of ammo and I can’t stand those fuckers. The Yankees are supposed to embody class and dignity. Management may have had its ups and downs over the years from Steve Swindal to Felix “The Beard” Lopez, but Hal seems to know what he’s doing. So lay off Captain Jeter and the Marlboros. And maybe drop a few pounds. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.