Posts Tagged ‘jabronis’

Jabroni of the Week: Mexican Paramedics

Posted: January 15, 2012 by Keith Stone in jabronis
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Ay caramba! You’re telling me that when transporting a fucking heart, the best these guys could do was a little cooler with wheels? That’s the same thing I bring to the beach. And did these guys need to jog with the cooler, like the patient was going to die in the next 30 seconds? From the looks of it, the hombre on the left does a lot more burrito eating than jogging. We couldn’t get them a segway or a golf cart or even just secure the lid with some tape or something? The best part is when the heart falls on the ground the two guys don’t even inspect it or discuss it, they pick it up and toss it back in the cooler like it’s the norm in Mexico. Heart fell in the middle of the road? Just throw it back in, Jose.

It’s not like Mexicans have enough stereotypes to worry about. I’m just surprised there wasn’t a mariachi band playing as these chanchos made their way from the helicoper. Sometimes you hear that healthcare is better in third-world countries than in America but after seeing this, I’d rather pay sky-high premiums on my health insurance than have to deal with my new corazon covered in burro shit.

Mexi medics, bebés, I know that you guys were only trying to do your best Speedy Gonzales impression but come on, with that drop do you think you’re on the Packers or something? Even LeBron James is making fun of you for how un-clutch you are. Transporting the heart shouldn’t be harder than transplanting it. Get it together, chicos. And make sure to wash your hands with bottled water before the procedure. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.

Jabroni of the Week: Douchebag Philadelphia Fans

Posted: January 8, 2012 by Keith Stone in jabronis, NHL
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The Winter Classic was a success, referee controversy aside, as the spectacle was a sight to see for all hockey fans. However after the game, while going for celebratory cheesesteaks, a pair of Rangers fan buddies got into a conflict with a pack of Flyers fans. As a victorious visitor in enemy territory, you have to expect that you’re going to take a little shit. Apparently, the locals got a homeless guy who was washing windows to spray a little something on the Blueshirters. They obviously didn’t take well to it and that’s when things escalated. It was a Flyers fan who threw the first punch.

I’m all for shit-talking. When somebody wears rival colors in New York, I’m going to say something. But if it’s right after a loss, you take your medicine and keep your mouth shut. There’s no shit-talking after a loss. And yes, there are laws in America, even in Philadelphia. You can’t put your hands on somebody. OK, maybe you had a couple drinks and the Rangers fan said something about your mama. Fine. Once you and your posse get the guy, you can’t keep hitting him. That’s a coward’s move but I’m not surprised it happened in Philly. Then, it turns out that one of the Rangers fans is an off-duty cop and Iraq vet. He’s in the hospital.

Philly fans, babies, you can call yourself passionate all you want but you can’t fool me. You’re classless scumbags. Every time it seems like you bottom out, you sink even further. Booing Santa Claus. Vomiting on a kid. Booing Michael Irvin with a serious neck injury. Whoring yourself for World Series tickets. Booing Snooki. NOBODY BOOS SNOOKI. You can take your fourth-grade education and Rocky Balboa and shove it up your ass. The problem is you guys seem to enjoy causing trouble. You relish being the bad boy. In New York, we know what’s up. You can have your reputation, we’ll take the W’s. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.

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