The Challenge: Rivals Power Rankings WEEK 5

Posted: July 21, 2011 by Keith Stone in MTV, power rankings, The Challenge, TV

It was ladies’ night on The Challenge. Last week, I challenged Jenn with 2 n’s to step up and be the bitch we all knew she could be. Like the great champion that she is, she stepped up and delivered the goods. Should have renamed last night’s show The Challennge. The minx not only won the Against the Current canoeing challenge, but Jenn with 2 n’s played Adam like a fool and even more importantly inspired nearly the entire female cast to go skinny dipping. I haven’t seen that much Real World ass since Fratpad [NSFW!!!!!!!!!!]. On to the rankings:

Guys

1. Johnny Bananas & Tyler (Last Week: 1)
Johnny and Tyler cruised to their second straight challenge victory and also learned to become lovers. OK, maybe not but these guys have chemistry on and off the playing field. Johnny’s eyes nearly welled up with tears when he saw Tyler skinny dipping with all the chicks. That’s pride, baby. That’s love. I can’t wait to see Tyler escaping from Johnny’s room from through the window as a mini Johnny Bananas head covers his crotch.

2. Adam & CT (LW: 3)
It was another quiet week for the beast CT, as the producers have apparently been putting tranquilizers in his drinks so he doesn’t get kicked off the show too early. CT also shunned both Mandi and Laurel in the hopes of finally winning Adam’s friendship. Adam, however, only had eyes for Jenn with 2 n’s as the two spent the night together and (maybe?) hooked up. Jenn with 2 n’s then shit-talked Adam to all the girls. Don’t think the wedding’s going to happen anytime soon.

3. Evan & Nehemiah (LW:2)
Did Nehemiah even talk in this episode? Doesn’t matter, as Evan has emerged as the Maya Angelou of The Challenge, literally from out of a box that Johnny Bananas was sitting on. Evan’s astute comments ranged from describing his canoeing skills as “I’m not Pocahontas” to likening Adam to a member of the Make-a-Wish Foundation for getting to spend time with Jenn with 2 n’s. Evan even quoted Michael Jordan as he inspired Adam to make a move on his betrothed. I can’t give this team second place, however, because Evan carried the annoying Jasmine back into the house as she was threatening to quit and then helped her talk things out with Jonna. Let her go next time!

4. Mike Mike & Roy Lee (LW: 5)
These guys keep delivering the comedy goods. From Mike Mike cackling like an old lady when people do impressions of him having sex to them canoeing backwards down the rapids, I have been thoroughly entertained. It’s going to be sad to see the rooks get thrown in The Jungle next week.

5. Kenny & Wes (LW: 4)
They just can’t get it going. The hatred between two of the greatest competitors The Challenge has ever seen is preventing Kenny and Wes from working as a team as they DQ’ed yet again. Kenny still hasn’t found his mojo. The only thing missing from the show is his brash charm. He’s not even making fun of the losers and freaks anymore.

Sluts

1. Jenn with 2 n’s & Mandi (LW: 3)
I knew Jenn with 2 n’s had this in her. Like Dirk Nowitzki in the 2011 Finals, the savvy veteran raised her game up and set records for the most nudity on The Challenge within the first three minutes. Jenn with 2 n’s also has Adam wrapped around her little finger which could either help or hurt her. If CT finds out what she said about Adam, HE WILL RIP HER FACE OFF!

2. Cara Maria & Laurel (LW:1)
They didn’t do much last night, but Laurel was right there with Jenn with 2 n’s in the pool. That counts for something.

3. Evelyn & Paula Walnuts (LW: 2)
See description above, although Paula only got her panties off before being thrown into the pool.

4. Jasmine & Jonna (LW: 4)
Jasmine is a horrible person. If Kenny was his usual self, she would be target #1. While her and Jonna were discussing strategy, Jasmine flipped out, cried, started smashing stuff, and even threatened to leave the show. She even committed the cardinal sin: she tried to take her mic off. Jasmine claimed she blacked out. I’d like to see what type of fight she’d get in if it wasn’t with her partner. These two are by far the weakest girls left on the show, physically and politically. They lucked out last night when Sarah and Katelynn couldn’t figure out the puzzle in The Jungle. If Jasmine and Jonna come in first place, I will go to Costa Rica to congratulate them.

ELIMINATED: Katelynn & Sarah
Katelynn is right up there with Shauvon for worst competitor of all-time. However, she is sorely lacking in the boobie department. Katelynn is afraid of nearly everything and then when the competition i=was a puzzle, she doubted herself and let her partner do it. Sarah hung tough but ultimately it wasn’t enough. She still has a bright future ahead of her.

Last Week’s Rankings

Advertisements
Comments
  1. Joshy Bananas says:

    Two great moments from this episode:

    1. Evan noting that Jenn with two n’s is like a praying mantis – she’ll mate with you then rip your head off. C’mon Evan, you should be better than ripping off a famous J-Woww quote. Trying to regain your/RW’s position as the most popular reality franchise on MTV is best done with original musings, bro.

    2. Sarah celebrating when she heard that this challenge involved a puzzle (yay!), as if she’s some sort of female, tatted-up Sam Loyd. Advice for next time: win the elimination round, then celebrate – in that order.

  2. Greg (but not the Greg from RW: Hollywood) says:

    it was great to see sarah — who’s probably marginally good at soduku and consequently proclaimed herself a master of puzzles — get her comeuppance. katelynn made a fatal error by allowing sarah to spearhead the elimination; perhaps katelynn’s puzzle-solving ability was compromised by her eyes being too close together, but (s)he of all people should know: never let a woman do a man’s job.

    but i must say, the highlight of the show was the crosscut of adam and jenn describing their romantic night together. while adam rhapsodized to the boys about his longtime crush on jenn (whose best years are far behind her) and their potential future together, she pilloried him in front of all the hos in the house; it was analogous to the ‘summer nights’ scene in grease, had olivia newton-john been melodically shitting on john travolta.

  3. Joshy Bananas says:

    From Grantland.com:

    Bill Simmons (The Right Reasons): Jenn’s evisceration of poor Adam on The Challenge this week made me realize that Jenn With Two N’s is the greatest cast member in the history of the show. Let’s flip this around: What DOESN’T she bring to the table? She’s looks great. She stays in shape. She’s great at challenges and would never disappoint T.J. by quitting. She can flip on the Irrational switch and “Don’t You Raise Your Voice At Me!” switch faster than anyone. She has the whole “are those implants or are those real?” mystery going (it’s never been solved). She parties as hard as anyone — she’s always up for doing shots, truth-or-dare, getting naked in the pool, or walking naked alongside the pool to show off for the horny cameramen. She gets along with everyone but would also feud with anyone (even people in her alliance). She’ll hook up with anyone male or female without getting attached; as soon as they like her too much, she becomes disgusted and moves on … which is why Evan compared her to a praying mantis this week. She’s either incredibly mean or refreshingly honest, depending on how you want to look at it. And best of all, she spells her name with two N’s. Add everything up and she’s one of the most terrifying forces in the world right now. I feel like I could run into her somewhere, and within five minutes, I would leave my family, hand her my checkbook and say, “Here, take it, spend whatever you want,” just because she laughed at one of my jokes. It’s probably safer for me to just trade for Jenn With Two N’s over having her ruin my career, my family and my savings account. Connor — what do you want for her?

  4. Abdullah says:

    She Is Smokin hot

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s