This week, D-Day came and it went about as well as Normandy did for the Allies. Except the exact opposite. The Evan-Johnny-Kenny/Wes wolfpack finally got CT in the Jungle but the beast managed to escape. He also found the affection of a new woman, as Mandi was dropped and did not take it well. Can somebody please just choke her already? That’s all that she wants. On to the rankings:
Guys
1. Adam & CT (Last Week: 2)
What a week for these fighters and lovers. After a strong showing in the Challenge in which they had to go first again, Adam and CT were predictably sent to the Jungle and emerged victorious against the supposed next-strongest team. CT still couldn’t win Adam’s friendship but found comfort in alpha female Laurel and the two bonded over homemade buttons and birdwatching. I can’t wait till their relationship is made into a romantic comedy starring Mickey Rourke and Minka Kelly. If anyone can pull off CT, it’s Rourke. However, this can only happen if CT doesn’t rip Laurel’s face off, which is a distinct possibility. Adam and his dream girl Jenn with 2 n’s also seemed cozy and she didn’t shit-talk him this week to the rest of the cast. DOUBLE DATE!
2. Johnny Bananas & Tyler (LW: 1)
It was another under-the-radar week for these two but that’s how they like it: let everyone else get picked off while waiting for the final Challenge. Even though Johnny “prematurely evacuated” during the awesome Challenge, Tyler more than made up for it by giving a brilliant recap of all the relationships going on in the house.
[tie] 3. The Miz
The former Challenge and WWE Champion returned this week with an all-new career highlight: hosting the after-show. The Miz stirred things up and even initiated a little girl-on-girl action with Mandi and Laurel. Awesome.
[tie] 3. Kenny & Wes (LW: 5)
Mr. Beautiful is back! Kenny finally busted out of his rut and the duo not only didn’t get DQ’ed during the Challenge, but actually won it. Later, Kenny showed off his sensitive side by crying after Evan was eliminated. There’s no crying in The Challenge.
4. Mike Mike & Roy Lee (LW: 4)
These guys continue to hang on, due mainly to the fact that nobody is afraid of them winning. Nobody was happier that the Challenge involved hugging your partner as you flew through the air than Mike Mike. In fact, he dreamt about it the night before. Mike Mike also continues to woo Paula ever so slowly. It’s only going to be a few days now until he shares his bed with her as he reads from his prayer book. Nobody who has ever said, “Paula has everything you could ask for in a girl” has ever won The Challenge.
ELIMINATED: Evan & Nehemiah
Evan and Nehemiah were exactly what the producers had in mind when they developed the Rivals concept. These guys loathed each other. Evan didn’t help the cause when he unilaterally (sort of) threw the Challenge. T.J. was not amused. It’s hard to explain your plan to your teammate when you aren’t talking to each other, though. Unfortunately, Evan conducted his offseason training at Tim Horton’s and did not pull his weight in the Jungle. It’s never a good sign in this game when you’re sweating like Patrick Ewing during a playoff game, but Evan contributed a sense of humor to the show through his astute observations and will be missed. Anyone who talks about playing tummy sticks is a star in my book. It’s just too bad that he was finally felled by the “disease named CT.” Nehemiah didn’t talk much but he was a strong competitor and the remaining teams should consider themselves lucky that he is gone. The black guys on this show are dropping faster than in an 80’s horror movie. Be careful, Roy Lee!
Sluts
1. Evelyn & Paula Walnuts (LW: 3)
This is the only girls team that consistently stays out of the drama and follows the group. Paula Walnuts isn’t the best athlete but she’s well-liked and Evelyn is no slouch. Normally, this is the point in the game where Paula would be backstabbed but there’s so many newbies, I don’t think it’s going to happen this time. This team may drop in the rankings if Paula doesn’t hook up with Mike Mike soon.
2. Jenn with 2 n’s & Mandi (LW: 1)
After losing out on CT to Laurel, Mandi did the only thing a girl could do: she went on a crazy rampage and then hooked up with Wes. Mandi may be losing it and amazingly set the Challenge record for most consecutive obscenities bleeped out. I counted eight. It’s a good thing her partner is a smart, rational person like Jenn with 2 n’s. Or maybe not. However, Mandi gets a million bonus points for showing up on the after-show with new tit implants. She was always one of those girls that vacillated between pretty and ugly for me, but the boobies now have her permanently on the pretty side. Jenn with 2 n’s is also still seeing Adam, of whom he said, “When I came on The Challenge, I had 50,000 reasons to win. With Jenn, now I have 50,001.” I guess that means that Jenn with 2 n’s is worth $1.
3. Jasmine & Jonna (LW: 4)
It was a relatively quiet week for these two, especially Jasmine. That’s exactly what they (and us) needed. Nice job by Jasmine crawling underneath the bed to investigate Wes and Mandi’s hookup, but this team would still be in last place if it wasn’t for…
4. Cara Maria & Laurel (LW: 2)
Laurel, who finally won the heart of the beast by “talking to CT and getting to know him as a person.” I will pray for her soul. At least she showed up on the after-show with blonde hair. I’m still waiting for Cara Maria to break out the whips and chains.
Rainman Suite 