The Yankees are now 0-2 since Kate Hudson and A-Rod broke up. You can’t blame Alex for striking out the bases loaded or for striking out to end both of the last two seasons. He’s a dependent fuck. I blame Kate Hudson. So what if all the tabloids said he broke up with her? Maybe it’s up to the Yankees Universe to get them back together. It’ll be like a metrosexual Latino version of The Parent Trap.
I mean, come one! Really, Kate? You were the MVP of the 2009 World Series (sorry, Matsui). I don’t care that you have a new guy. Muse sucks anyway. A-Rod cannot survive without you. Cameron Diaz is not a suitable replacement. I’m sure that’s what he was thinking with two outs in the ninth, “Boy, I sure miss Kate.” A-ROD DOESN’T HIT IN THE CLUTCH WITHOUT YOU!
Please come back, Kate. You would be the Yankees’ most valuable free agent signing. Brian Cashman should take a big bouquet of flowers to the set of whatever crappy rom-com you’re filming and refuse to leave until you agree to get back with A-Rod. It doesn’t even have to be now. You can wait till August or September or whenever he gets off his inevitable stint on the DL. Don’t tell me you don’t miss those blue lips just a little. I just can’t take losing to another random team before the World Series anymore. I better see you at the Stadium in 2012, Kate. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.
Rainman Suite 