How’s That Offseason Going?

Posted: January 17, 2012 by Keith Stone in MLB
Tags: , , , , , ,

I’m sick of everyone saying that teachers have the cushiest jobs. Nothing compares to the life of pro athlete. You get paid tons of money and have months and months off. And who wants to leave work at 3 when you have all that road beef? So far this winter, we’ve seen R.A. Dickey climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro and A-Rod had a fun surgery vacation in Germany. However, it looks like nothing compares to the time Atlanta Braves infielder Jack Wilson has been having. Let’s see Adam Vinatieri hit a Jet Ski when the game is on the line.

Down in the Amazon, Phillies ace Roy Halladay proved that he can save more than just the Phillies from long losing streaks. He actually saved a naked local fisherman whose ass was bitten by an anaconda. Now before you make the obvious ass attacked by giant snake joke, keep in mind that according to the movie Anaconda, the snakes are extremely dangerous, can grow to up to 100 feet in length, and have the ability to eat Jon Voight whole. Not so funny anymore, is it? Halladay helped the man gather his gear and get into his capsized boat after the attack, and then presumably offered him an ass massage because that’s the brotherly thing to do. Is there anything Roy Halladay can’t do (besides make it to the World Series)?


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