Archive for the ‘chicks’ Category

>Slut Walk 2011

Posted: April 7, 2011 by Keith Stone in Canada, chicks, sluts
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In what can only be described as a watershed moment for women’s rights, an enterprising group of young ladies held a special event in Toronto on Sunday called the Slut Walk. It was in protest of recent comments made by Police Constable Michael Sanguinetti at York University, in which he said that women should “avoid dressing like sluts” if they don’t want to be raped. The event drew 3,000 people and was almost as funny as watching as chicks make the walk of shame the day after Halloween. Man, those are some ugly sluts. I’d much rather see the Ho Train in Vancouver.

Unfortunately, it looks like the weather wasn’t so great and most participants left their miniskirts and lucite heels at home. Good rule of thumb: if you’re going to have a Slut Walk, don’t do it in Toronto in April. The Keith Stone Slut Walk will be held the first weekend of summer in South Beach. I have to say that the cop does have a point, though. I hate it when I’m at a bar and I’m standing next to a chick with her tits hanging out and she looks at me with disgust if I check her out for more than three seconds. Like I forced her to wear that kids’ size tanktop and all that makeup. If you don’t want me staring at you, wear mom jeans. Otherwise, stop being a bitch and show me that ass.

Toronto Globe and Mail

>Jabronis of the Week: Duke Blue Devils

Posted: March 28, 2011 by Keith Stone in chicks, Duke, jabronis, March Madness
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Facing an 11-point deficit heading into the Sweet 16, Duke was my last shot at beating CurlySue in our March Madness Battle of the Sexes. With a impressive first half and six-point lead over Arizona at halftime, I thought Duke had me well on my way to redemption and started watching The Office on my DVR. Michael finally proposed to Holly, but then I turned back to the game and the Blue Devils were down by double-digits en route to a 93-77 loss.

I always pick Duke to lose in the second round and then last year they went all the way. Naturally, I picked them to go to the title game this time around and they bomb out. That wouldn’t be so bad because I hate Duke and all its entitled bandwagon fans but of course, they were my last vestige of hope against the scourge of a sweetheart named CurlySue. So yes, before the Elite Eight even began, I was defeated by a chick who thinks a lane violation is cause for a traffic ticket. Coach K, baby, have fun recruiting tall white kids this summer but call me next year and I’ll let you know if you should over or underachieve. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.

>March Madness Battle of the Sexes: Guys Weekend

Posted: March 24, 2011 by Keith Stone in chicks, March Madness
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With a 50-39 lead in our March Madness challenge, CurlySue has been taunting my manhood relentlessly. Little does she know that this is all part of my master plan. Make the girl feel good about herself and then remind her she’s not as smart as a man, she’ll do anything you want. CurlySue is going to be making me mashed potatoes all summer. This is the weekend I take control. Here are the picks for the remainder of the tournament:

Elite Eight:
Stone: Ohio St., North Carolina, Duke, UConn, Kansas, Notre Dame,Wisconsin, UCLA
CurlySue: Ohio St., North Carolina, Arizona, UConn, Kansas, Purdue, Pitt, Florida

Final Four:
Stone: Ohio St., Duke, Notre Dame, UCLA
CurlySue: Ohio St., UConn, Kansas, Pitt

Championship:
Stone: Notre Dame def. Duke—136 points
CurlySue: Kansas def. Ohio St.—123 points

If I lose, it’s going to be so embarrassing. Let’s go Duke, huh?

>March Madness Battle of the Sexes Sweet 16

Posted: March 22, 2011 by Keith Stone in chicks, March Madness
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CurlySue somehow nailed 12 of the Sweet 16. I got 7 and my champion, Notre Dame, was eliminated. The Curly One now holds a 50-39 advantage in our competition. She cannot, however, pee while standing. Advantage: Stone.

>March Madness Battle of the Sexes Round 2

Posted: March 19, 2011 by Keith Stone in chicks, March Madness
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Well, CurlySue takes an early 26-25 lead into Round 2. Beginner’s luck. Now, make me a sandwich. Here are the Sweet 16 picks:

Stone: OSU, WVU, Syracuse, UNC, Duke, Texas, UConn, SDSU, Kansas, Louisville, Purdue, Notre Dame, Pitt, Wisconsin, Gonzaga, UCLA

CurlySue: OSU, WVU, Xavier, UNC, Duke, Arizona, UConn, SDSU, Kansas, Richmond, Purdue, Florida St., Pitt, Wisconsin, BYU, Florida

Who’s excited for the white-out tomorrow? Brigham Young vs. Gonzaga! Is it snowing? Even I could play in that game. Actually, no. No, I couldn’t.

>March Madness Battle of the Sexes

Posted: March 17, 2011 by Keith Stone in chicks, March Madness
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I love girls. They’re great at making me a sandwich and wasting money on shoes. However, they’re not great at being a sports fan. It’s fine to have them sit silently in the corner while the game is on, but once they ask what a 3-second violation is, it’s time to leave the room. My friend CurlySue fancies herself a different type of chick and has challenged me to a 1-on-1 March Madness bracket competition. It’s cute that she thinks she can win by picking teams based on their colors and which city has the best shopping. Scoring per round is 1, 2, 4, 8, 16, 25. I just hope I don’t clinch the victory before the Final Four so I can prolong the agony. Once I win, CurlySue has promised to be a Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum Girl. If by some miracle she pulls off the upset, I will stand in the middle of Times Square with a sign admitting that a girl can do more than pump out babies. It’s on.

Here are the underdogs that we have getting to the second round:

Stone: Princeton, Georgia, Missouri, Illinois, Florida St., Gonzaga
CurlySue: Villanova, Indiana St., Georgia, Tennessee, Richmond, Morehead St., VCU, Florida St., Gonzaga

LOOK HOW MANY UPSETS THE POOR GIRL PICKED! SOMEBODY NEEDS TO TEACH HER HOW THE SEEDING WORKS!

>Naked Girl…Or Is It?

Posted: March 9, 2011 by Keith Stone in chicks, photos
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A young lady goes to the club wearing my favorite type of suit…a birthday suit. Wait a minute. That’s not her fupa. It’s her friends arm. I used to love going to children’s museums and looking at the optical illusions. This is better. Sorry, two old people/Mexicans.

Barstool Sports

>Revenge Is a Dish Best Served Nude

Posted: March 2, 2011 by Keith Stone in chicks, revenge
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Boy meets girl. Boy moves in with girl. Boy cheats on girl. Girl sells all of boy’s stuff on eBay with sexy pictures. Taylor is an awesome 26 year-old chick from Florida who found a fun way to get back at her domineering, cheating boyfriend. After she kicked him out of the house, she started selling his things on eBay. Except when she’s displaying them, she’s barely wearing anything. Check it out. She’s pretty hot. There’s a beer coozy that’s on sale for $3.25. Can’t beat that price. Plus, it’s been in her panties. Taylor says the more she sells, the more creative she’s going to get, so get those credit cards out and bid away.
myexboyfriendscloset.com
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