Archive for the ‘psychic abilities’ Category

Bigger Than Ever: A 2011 NFL Preview

Posted: September 7, 2011 by Keith Stone in football, NFL, psychic abilities

It seems like more teams than ever could win the Super Bowl this year. And it’s not like there aren’t any good teams. It’s just that there’s so many good teams. Then there are the question marks. How long will Peyton Manning be out? Will Mark Sanchez or Sam Bradford make The Leap? Most importantly, will I ever hook up with a cheerleader? All of your questions and more will be answered in the official division-by-division Rainman Suite 2011 NFL Preview. Feel free to wager thousands of dollars on it. Teams with an asterisk are Wild Cards.


1. New England Patriots (12-4)
2. New York Jets (9-7)*
3. Miami Dolphins (6-10)
4. Buffalo Bills (5-11)

Stone’s take: The Pats won’t be as unstoppable as they were last year but the Jets will still struggle to score points. Expect them to lose one or two games they should win.

1. Pittsburgh Steelers (13-3)
2. Baltimore Ravens (10-6)*
3. Cleveland Browns (8-8)
4. Cincinnati Bengals (3-13)

Stone’s take: The Steelers bring it every year and the fact that they’ve been together for a while will help them after the lockout. The Browns should also improve as Colt McCoy continues to improve.


It’s finally time to find out who’s gonna win this bitch. Three teams are left for the guys, three teams are left for the chicks. The Finals have already begun but there’s still a long way to go. A long, long way to go. Let’s handicap the remaining teams, shall we?


Johnny Bananas & Tyler (3 to 2)
Johnny and Tyler have established a bit of a lead through the canoeing portion of the Finals. They’re also the team with the best chemistry, something that shouldn’t be overrated. There’s no greater motivation when undertaking an extreme physical activity than when you’re doing it for a friend. However, Tyler is competing against doctor’s wishes after getting sick and both guys must be worn out after the brutal beating they received at the hands of CT in the final Jungle. Not what you want when you’re about to climb a mountain.

Kenny & Wes (4 to 1)
This team is collectively the most physically fit but something has been missing all season. They obviously didn’t work out their hatred for one another during the taping of their 7-11 commercials. Kenny has been performing below average and Wes has done nothing but take passive aggressive shots at him. I’m also worried about Wes’s endurance. It’s been a problem in the past. These two geniuses might have trouble solving puzzles along the way as well, considering they didn’t even get in their canoe the right way.

Mike Mike & Roy Lee (25 to 1)
Poor Roy Lee. His first partner got kicked off the show almost before the cameras started rolling and now he has to climb a mountain with the willing-yet-unable Mike Mike. I like these guys. I really do, but I think the question isn’t if they will win but if they will finish within an hour of the winners. That’s the only reason they made the Finals in the first place. Nobody thought they were much of a threat so they kept moving on. We’ll have to see if that strategy works.


Cara Maria & Laurel (3 to 1)
Laurel is such a dominating figure on the women’s side. I have no doubt she will do great in the Finals, but how will Cara Maria do without her Abram pillow? I’m also worried how this team will do if it really does come down to the wire. Laurel is a competitive freak and Cara Maria constantly needs somebody to give her support. Not a good match.

Evelyn & Paula Walnuts (6 to 1)
After eight Challenges, maybe Paula finally has the hang of this thing. Her and Ev started out the Finals surprisingly well but you know there’s that big mountain waiting for them. Paula is supposedly a good runner but she’s just so damn unlucky. Then again, she has extra motivation to end the streak and show up Laurel for all the shit-talking she did in Buenos Aires.

Jenn with 2 n’s & Mandi (69 to 1)
They couldn’t even steer the canoe in a straight line. We’ll be lucky if they cross the finish line before end of the show. T.J. may just leave them in Patagonia.

Tomorrow night after the finale be on the lookout for a running diary of what is shaping up to be an awesome finish to Rivals.