Archive for the ‘traveling’ Category

Spermbike Revolutionizing Transport of Semen

Posted: November 11, 2011 by Keith Stone in medicine, Seattle, traveling
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If you want to want to help out those who need a little assistance having a baby, but are too lazy to go down to the fertility clinic, you’re in luck! The Seattle Sperm Bank has developed a bike that can hold 30 semen samples in a special vacuum container cooled by liquid nitrogen. Also, it looks like a sperm.  Spokesman Gary Olsem claims it helps awareness for the need of sperm donations.

There’s already a Spermbike in Copenhagen but I’d like to see more because what we really need on the roads are more Spermbikes. When I asked our resident Seattle native DP Animal about it, he noted that he was happy that Shawn Kemp was keeping busy during retirement. Something has to pay for his donuts.

Metro UK

Imams Heading To Islamaphobia Conference Face Ironic Travel Problems

Posted: May 10, 2011 by Keith Stone in irony, religion, traveling
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Four imams traveling to Charlotte for a conference on prejudice against Muslims got a little something extra to discuss over the weekend. Mohamed Zaghloul and Masoud Rahman were booted off a Delta flight on Friday night in Memphis after the pilot refused to fly with the two on board. On the same night, Al Amin Abdul Latif and Abu Bakr Abdul Latif were forced to miss their flight from New York after discrepancies arose with names and birthdays.

These guys have a right to be upset. If I was heading to Vegas and missed my flight because I bared resemblance to an extremely dashing and handsome terrorist, I’d be pissed. At the same time, you have to know that there’s going to be a ton of security the week Osama bin Laden is killed. If you’re trying to take a plane dressed like one of his cousins, you’re probably going to be scrutinized. Maybe the pilot didn’t have a great excuse throwing these two lads off his plane, but I bet if they were rocking Z-Bo jerseys, they would have made their flight. So if you don’t want to ditch the cool white hats in the future, make sure to show up a few hours early, guys. Yeah, it sucks and it’s racist but that’s life.

USA Today

>Philadelphia Phollies

Posted: February 7, 2011 by Keith Stone in Philly sucks, traveling
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I went to Philadelphia over the weekend and it’s an interesting place.  Kind of like a Bizarro New York.  Here are my observations in bullet-form because I’m too lazy to do anything else:

  • I was on the Ben Franklin Bridge and made a perfectly legal lane change.  The guy behind me started honking his horn hysterically.  I wasn’t in Philly yet and people were already acting like idiots.
  • The parking is horrible.  I got lucky and found a space at a meter but needed to keep refilling it until 10PM.  10PM!  I could understand 8, but can’t a guy just park for free on a Friday night?
  • The garbage cans in Philadelphia are solar powered.   It’s a good thing there’s no tall buildings to block the sun.  Wait a minute…there are!  And yes, these garbage cans cost over $3,000 each.  Geniuses.
  • I never thought anything could be worse than the PATH train but I never saw the Philadelphia subway system.  There were no signs in the station I was at so I walked around a giant concourse with homeless people sleeping all over the place for about 10 minutes until I finally found the train.  Once I got on, there was a guy yelling at everyone to give him 50¢.  A cop was standing five feet away and did nothing.  At least in New York the crazy people are polite enough to recite a memorized speech with zero enthusiasm when they’re asking for money.
  • They sold the naming rights to the subway station by all the stadiums.  It’s called AT&T Station.  Is that the biggest whore move there ever was?  I know it’s a poor city, but have a little pride.   You’ll never see Union Square Station changing its name to Best Buy Station.
  • I went to the Knicks-Sixers game at the Wells Fargo Center (worst arena name ever) and was shocked at how dead the crowd was for a Friday night game against a decent opponent.  The stands were pretty full.  It was just very, very quiet.  Knicks fans were chanting “MVP” for Amar’e and “defense” when the Sixers had the ball.  The Philly fans didn’t do anything about it besides a few muffled boos.  There were half as many Knicks fans but we were making twice the noise.  I was expecting to get punched in the face the first time I chanted “defense” in my Amar’e jersey.
  • The PA announcer at the game was hilarious.  Apparently, his name is Matt Cord and he’s one of those new-school guys that has to announce every 3-pointer like he’s introducing Van Halen to get the crowd fired up.  Whenever something good happened for the Sixers, he would get so excited that he literally didn’t finish the call.  It was basically, “THADDEUS YOUNG FROM ANDRE IGOKLSJKKSJKSDJ!!!!” or “OFFENSIVE FOUL ON LANDRY FLKSDLWL!!!!”  It was like that SNL sketch when Chris Kattan would play that Southern guy that nobody could understand.  That wasn’t even the funniest part.  Whenever a call went against the Sixers, he announced it like it was the saddest thing that ever happened to him.  He sounded like Droopy Dog.  I thought he was going to start crying every time Ray Felton hit a 3.  I can’t describe how funny this was.  I miss the days when the PA guy would make straight announcements and people could tell who the foul was on.
  • Philly has got to be the white trash thug life capital of the world.  Almost every guy I saw in Philly looked like Eminem circa 1999.  Cap turned up and to the side.  Pale.  Dark circles under the eyes.  Thin little sideburns.  I’m sure if you wanted to buy some weed, there wouldn’t be a shortage of people that could sell it to you.  It’s not a surprise they liked Allen Iverson so much.
  • I was walking down the street and I heard two guys arguing about who was better: Eric Lindros or Michael Vick.  I wanted to shoot myself in the face.
  • I got a parking ticket at 9:03.  I left immediately.