Accused rapist Kobe Bryant debuted a new black face mask last night to protect the broken nose he suffered at the All-Star Game. As such, I feel like I owe all our female readers a warning to be on the lookout. Remember that when he does the thing with his bottom jaw, it means he’s going for the trinity. If Kobe ever wore the black mask with a Los Lakers jersey at home, I’m pretty sure the LAPD would arrest him on the spot.
Yeppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp. Winners always want the ball when the game is on the line.
This week marks the 50th anniversary of Wilt Chamberlain’s 100-point game against the Knicks. Not bad for someone who literally stood head and shoulders taller than the competition. By the end of the game, Chamberlain’s Philadelphia Warrior teammates were fouling the Knicks to get the ball back in the hands of the Dipper. A little cheap, but it still doesn’t diminish the magnitude of the accomplishment. However, only 4,124 fans were in attendance at the neutral site for one of the greatest nights in basketball history. That brings us to our Question of the Week. Get it right and Wilt’s corpse will make you 20,001. The answer, as always, is after the jump.
Where was Wilt Chamberlain’s 100-point game played? (and a hint: it is not Flint, Michigan)
At a fan event this week, Landry Fields belted out a surprise singing performance to Billionaire with a Knick twist. Who knew he had pipes like that? He’s a regular Justin Bieber. Iman Shumpert followed it up with a little freestyling. If Steve Novak was there, maybe he could have done classic Guns N’ Roses. He strikes me as the type of guy who would kill it doing Welcome to the Jungle on karaoke night. At least the Knicks could fall back on a Grammy if they don’t win the Title this year.
Yepppppppppppp. Look, you have three options here:
A. Shoot a 3 and end the All-Star Game in the most badass way possible. If you miss, who cares? It’s the All-Star Game.
B. Drive to the basket. You probably can get a decent shot or get fouled, although you might get killed by your fellow players for allowing the game to go on any longer.
C. Pass the ball into traffic. This will not only reemphasize all the criticisms you’ve heard all year, but is a really bad play strategically. How is it that a guy like Jeremy Lin who’s played in like 15 games has the cojones to take a game-winning shot when all the attention is on him but the Queen passes like the puss that he is? It’s an exhibition game. Be a man and take control. It’s like Coach Jimmy McGinty says, “Winners want the ball in their hands when the game is on the line.” Not a surprise LeBron passed it.
Maybe I’m just bitter that the Heat beat the Knicks last night. Either way, this new story about Queen James is hilarious. Apparently, the Queen likes to have his food to be pre-cut when he orders it at restaurants, according to one of his favorite servers at XO Steakhouse in Cleveland. Even worse, it was revealed that he orders his steak well done. This story is corroborated by another server who claimed that the Queen ordered his spaghetti pre-cut.
I guess I understand the steak thing because I used to like it pre-cut when I was 7. I know the Queen didn’t have a normal childhood but somewhere between the million-dollar contracts and chilling with Warren Buffett, somebody probably should have taught him to cut his own food. Isn’t that what Dwyane Wade and Pat Riley are for? They probably promised to keep cutting his food for him so he’d move down to Miami. I just don’t get why he needs his spaghetti cut up. Half the fun is slurping it up into your mouth. I know it’s not classy but it’s still not as bad as asking somebody to cut it for you. I wonder what goes through a grown man’s head when he asks somebody to cut their food for him. Half the time I’m too embarrassed to ask for nachos without sour cream. Maybe I was wrong about LeBron. If he has the courage to ask a total stranger to cut his food, maybe he does have the courage to take a shot in the fourth quarter.
Down by 3 with less than five seconds left, the T-Wolves needed a miracle to send their game against the Nuggets into overtime. Despite the fact that Milt Pilacio was unavailable (cut to Rory nodding glumly), Martell Webster got the takeaway they needed but cruised in for an easy dunk instead of a game-tying 3. While everyone in the arena from his teammates to the color guy was shocked, Martell failed to notice that the defenders didn’t really put up much of a fight once he crossed the arc. Of course, there was too little time to do much else and Minny lost. What can you say except at least the kid has a sweet mohawk.
Nothing says the 80’s quite like Will Ferrell, an actor who was born in the 60’s, starred in several movies taking place in the 70’s, rose to fame in the 90’s, and became a superstar in the 00’s. That’s why the New Orleans Hornets (they still exist?) invited Ferrell to introduce the starting lineups for their game against the Bulls as part of their 80’s Night promotion. Although he did the same thing in Semi-Pro, the results were still pretty freaking hilarious. I would’ve liked to see him introduce the ball girls, though. And is it just me, or is Trevor Ariza not enjoying his time in the Big Easy?
This is brutal. When I used to play basketball, the first thing I thought when I got on the court was, “OK, which way are we going?” I get that it might be confusing off the jump ball, but I’ve never seen anyone get switched up like this as this at the end of a game. This shot actually ended up being the winning basket for the other team. I’d say that Ryan Potocnik didn’t get any ass that night, but he probably got some from the other team’s cheerleaders.
When one thinks of great Yankee catchers, a few names come to mind. Yogi Berra. Thurman Munson. Dikembe Mutombo? The retired NBA star was at the 32nd Annual Thurman Munson Awards (Tebow knows why) and posed with Yogi, Mrs. Yogi, and Munson’s widow, Diana. According to Guinness, it is now officially the most awkward interaction in human history. I imagine it went something like this.
Mutombo (in Cookie Monster voice): Izz e prezzere ta mit yuuuuu, Mussta Boora.
Yogi: What? You have to speak when you talk.
Rainman Suite 