Posts Tagged ‘Jets’

Six-Pack Challenge WEEK 6 – Gastinooooooo

Posted: October 14, 2012 by Keith Stone in football, NFL
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“Don’t you dare! We have a beautiful stadium. The Lord God gave it to us, and let’s ennnnjoyyyyyyyyyyy and winnnnnnnn innnnnnnn the seconddddddddd haaaaaaaaalfffffffff.”

How much lower can this season go for the Jets? Their best two players are done for the season. Their quarterback is garbage. The backup is one of the most exciting, newsworthy players in the league, coming off a magical playoff season but he can’t get off the bench for more than a few plays for some reason. Now, one of your greatest players of all-time slurs his way to the Ring of Honor and makes Joe Namath look like he has self-control. How are they still serving alcohol at Jets alumni functions?

The funniest thing is since nobody cares about the Jets, the speech barely made any ripples in the news. A replay on Francesa and that’s all we have on YouTube. Can a Jets fan please post a video taken with your cell phone? Or can Jets fans not afford cell phones with cameras? Hey, stop it, stop booing me. Don’t you dare! When a drunkenly belligerent and God-fearing Mark Gastineau is talking down to you, you know you’ve hit rock bottom, Jets fans. Enjoy the rest of the season. Now let’s make some picks. Hallelujah!

COWBOYS AT RAVENS (-3.5)
Stone: Ravens
I just can’t pick a QB who had a wedding video like this.

Slumdeezy: Ravens
Pretty much picking this because I like the Ray Lewis/Tom Brady football safety PSA sponsored by the NFL and NFLPA.

DRK: Ravens

Rory: Ravens
I don’t know why I still believe in the Ravens after last week’s performance. But I still don’t believe in the Cowboys.

DP Animal: Ravens
They seem to play to the level of their competition.

Phanatic: Ravens
This one I had real trouble with but I think the Cowboys are due for a beatdown.  A girl can dream.

LIONS AT EAGLES (-4.5)
Stone: Lions
I thought it was tough being a Giants fan last year. Can’t imagine what Phanatic is going through.

Slumdeezy: Lions
Cats eat birds.

DRK: Eagles

Rory: Lions
I’m still shaken after last week’s abysmal performance (and my general subpar performance overall).  Take this pick with a grain of salt.

DP Animal: Lions
Nick Foles Watch is in full effect.

Phanatic: Lions
Something tells me the Eagles will be within 1-3 points in this one.

PATRIOTS (-4.5) AT SEAHAWKS
Stone: Seahawks
I’m never going against the Seahawks at home.

Slumdeezy: Patriots

DRK: Patriots

Rory: Patriots
But believe in this pick. Another shoe-in!

DP Animal: Seahawks
Homer pick? Maybe, but the Seahawks have already shut down Aaron Rodgers, Tony Romo, and Cam Newton. They can add Tom Brady to the list.

Phanatic: Patriots
Even with the 12th Man.

GIANTS AT 49ERS (-6.5)
Stone: Giants
The last time these two teams played, Eli Manning had the game of his career. He’s not going to be intimidated by this D.

Slumdeezy: 49ers
Considering it’s at SF, the Giants are atop the division and tend to get lazy at such times, it’s not the playoffs so Eli won’t care, and the Niners are probably going to the Super Bowl, I hope it’s OK to pick against my G-Men just this once.

DRK: 49ers

Rory: Giants
Love the Giants playing anywhere but New Jersey.  Maybe they should move to Brooklyn as well.

DP Animal: Giants
This will be a hell of a game.

Phanatic: Giants
This game screams field goal at the last second to win it.

PACKERS AT TEXANS (-3.5)
Stone: Texans

Slumdeezy: Packers

DRK: Texans

Rory: Texans
Poor Packers.  This season just keeps getting worse and worse.

DP Animal: Texans
Is it possible the Packers are just OK?

Phanatic: Texans
At home, against a struggling Packer team, Houston gets to stay undefeated one more week.

BRONCOS AT CHARGERS (-1.5)
Stone: Chargers
Fuck it if I can understand either team, but home field usually means something in the AFC West.

Slumdeezy: Broncos
PEYTON!

DRK: Chargers

Rory: Chargers
Another team, like the Ravens, that I have no business believing in. But I do!

DP Animal: Broncos

Phanatic: Broncos

CURRENT RECORDS
Stone: 17-13 (Last week: 1-5)
DP Animal: 14-16 (1-5)
Rory: 14-16 (2-4)
Slumdeezy: 14-16 (3-3)
DRK: 13-17 (2-4)
Phanatic: 12-18 (2-4)

Last week’s picks

Who’s Ready For the 3-Way?

Posted: July 12, 2012 by Keith Stone in basketball, football, NBA, NFL
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Not these guys.

Jabroni of the Week: Russell Francis

Posted: March 25, 2012 by Keith Stone in football, jabronis, NFL
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Here it is. A new low. A dead Jabroni. I know I’m going to hell for making fun of a dead guy but what the fuck. Russell Francis was a lifelong Jets fan. That’s enough to be a Jabroni, but while he was gravely ill with lung cancer, Francis boldly predicted Gang Green would get Tim Tebow. He passed away and lo and behold, Tebow ended up on the J-E-T-S. So to honor Francis, his family buried him in a brand new Tim Tebow Jets jersey.

I’m not commenting on being buried in a football jersey. I wouldn’t mind going six feet under in an Eli Manning jersey. There’s just one big difference. Eli Manning has actually played a game for the Giants! Never mind the fact that he’s won two Super Bowls, he’s actually taken a snap from under center. Tim Tebow might absolutely suck on the Jets. Or maybe he comes to New York and becomes an alcoholic with more kids than Antonio Cromartie. I don’t know but that’s why you probably shouldn’t spend all of eternity wearing somebody’s name who isn’t even 25 yet. People change.

Russell, baby, I hope you’re in a good place. I hope you’re talking shop with Weeb Ewbank and getting ready for your date with Marilyn Monroe. But heaven is forever. The Jets are never going to win the Super Bowl and now you’re going to be a loser for all of time. OK, you could do worse. You could be buried in a Stephon Marbury Knicks jersey or a LeBron James Cavs jersey.

The point is you never know what’s going to happen when you get a new player. It’s bad enough buying a jersey when somebody doesn’t pan out, but man, are those angels going to be laughing behind your back if Tebow sucks, which, let’s face it, is a distinct possibility especially since he’s on the Jets. Of course, you also predicted the Jets were going to win the Super Bowl right before you died. Don’t tell the angels that one. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.

Yardbarker

J-E-T-S Still?

Posted: February 1, 2012 by Keith Stone in football, NFL
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Look, I hate to rub things in. OK, that’s a lie. I still want to rub rock salt on the festering wound of the 2011 Jets season. I’m watching Dustin Keller on SportsCenter and it’s amazing people are still talking about the Jets. Their season ended a month ago and somehow it was so bad, it’s still in the news.

LaDainian Tomlinson is going on Inside the NFL and airing his dirty laundry. Revis Island is talking to the press about how toxic the locker room was and how nobody did anything to stop it. More and more unnamed sources and former players are coming out and saying that Mark Sanchez has been babied by the organization and Peyton Manning should be pursued as hard as possible. Former Jet and current Giant Steve Weatherford is getting the last laugh for being criticized and unceremoniously dumped last year after a good season. The list goes on and on.

The Jets have a real problem now. Who is going to want to come aboard this ship? The whole Rex schtick was fun at first but when a guy like him loses, eventually the inmates start running the asylum. You know things are bad when even he is admitting that he didn’t have the pulse of the team. Unfortunately, there’s no way he can magically become a hardass overnight.

Saying that you won’t have captains anymore doesn’t accomplish anything. With the lack of leadership last year, it’s a wonder they even had captains. The real solution is to dump the players that caused trouble and try to start relatively fresh. Of course, the team has already announced that both Santonio Holmes and Sanchez are coming back. The Jets always wanted to be the talk of the town. Now, even with the Giants in the Super Bowl, they’re still managing to make noise.

How’s Things Going For the Jets?

Posted: January 6, 2012 by Keith Stone in NFL
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Let’s go eat a goddamn snack!

So now the Jets are done for the year. The entire team is falling apart. Rex Ryan is crying in the locker room. Santonio Holmes is quitting in the middle of games. Bart Scott is flipping off cameramen. Darrelle Revis doesn’t want to talk, but the eighth string quarterback has a few things to say. The word on the street is that everybody on the Jets was playing for themselves and not the team. Should we be surprised? The team is full of castoffs. When things are going well, everyone is smiling, but when things go badly, it’s every man for themselves. There’s a reason they all got booted for their previous teams.

Rex comes out the worst in all of this. Apparently, this was all going on for weeks. How did he not know about any of it? Isn’t he like the cool coach that’s friends with all his players? And letting your offensive coordinator bench one of your only weapons during a season-saving drive doesn’t look too good. Yeah, you want to have the coordinators involved, but in the end Rex is responsible for the entire team. It doesn’t matter if he’s a defensive guy or not.

Then, he goes out and says everybody is coming back next year. What’s the point of that? You say, “We’re going to examine all of our options.” That’s it. Do you think any of your fans are happy Schottenheimer is coming back? What if Peyton Manning becomes available? I’m sure you’re not ruling him out, but there’s no reason to make the Sanchize confident he’s coming back. He was terrible in the second half of the season. He should be working like a maniac all offseason so he doesn’t get cut. You can say all you want about the back-to-back Championship Games but that means nothing. This is New York. After talking for all these years, Rex Ryan finally got tuned out by his players and the fans.