Rainman Suite

Here it is. A new low. A dead Jabroni. I know I’m going to hell for making fun of a dead guy but what the fuck. Russell Francis was a lifelong Jets fan. That’s enough to be a Jabroni, but while he was gravely ill with lung cancer, Francis boldly predicted Gang Green would get Tim Tebow. He passed away and lo and behold, Tebow ended up on the J-E-T-S. So to honor Francis, his family buried him in a brand new Tim Tebow Jets jersey.

I’m not commenting on being buried in a football jersey. I wouldn’t mind going six feet under in an Eli Manning jersey. There’s just one big difference. Eli Manning has actually played a game for the Giants! Never mind the fact that he’s won two Super Bowls, he’s actually taken a snap from under center. Tim Tebow might absolutely suck on the Jets. Or maybe he comes to New York and becomes an alcoholic with more kids than Antonio Cromartie. I don’t know but that’s why you probably shouldn’t spend all of eternity wearing somebody’s name who isn’t even 25 yet. People change.

Russell, baby, I hope you’re in a good place. I hope you’re talking shop with Weeb Ewbank and getting ready for your date with Marilyn Monroe. But heaven is forever. The Jets are never going to win the Super Bowl and now you’re going to be a loser for all of time. OK, you could do worse. You could be buried in a Stephon Marbury Knicks jersey or a LeBron James Cavs jersey.

The point is you never know what’s going to happen when you get a new player. It’s bad enough buying a jersey when somebody doesn’t pan out, but man, are those angels going to be laughing behind your back if Tebow sucks, which, let’s face it, is a distinct possibility especially since he’s on the Jets. Of course, you also predicted the Jets were going to win the Super Bowl right before you died. Don’t tell the angels that one. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.

Yardbarker