All right, so Joba’s going to survive and hopefully pitch again for the Yankees. At this point, I guess you can’t help but laugh a little and be happy things didn’t turn out worse. Let’s wish the big man well.
P.S.: All these people are idiots.
Posts Tagged ‘Spring of Motivation’
Here’s To You, Joba
Posted: March 23, 2012 by Keith Stone in baseball, MLBTags: baseball, Joba Rules, MLB, Spring of Motivation, spring training, Yankees
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Joba Rule #47: Don’t Play On Trampolines
Posted: March 23, 2012 by Keith Stone in baseball, MLBTags: baseball, Joba Rules, MLB, Spring of Motivation, spring training, Yankees
News out of Tampa is that Joba Chamberlain severely dislocated his ankle last night while jumping on a trampoline with his son. How bad was it? The injury apparently pierced the skin. Joba was recovering from Tommy John surgery and Casanova Cashman says he’s out indefinitely, which doesn’t sound promising.
It’s fucking insane how hard the Yankees’ bullpen is being hit by ridiculous injuries. David Robertson hurt himself taking the recycle out. Joba on the trampoline. Soriano is made of glass so I’m sure he’s going to hurt himself brushing his teeth. Can somebody wrap Mo up in bubble wrap? If anything happens to him, the pen is officially cursed. Apparently, Steinbrenner Field was built on the remnants of an Indian burial ground. Joe needs to forget all the motivational tricks and speakers. Bring the crazy lady from Poltergeist to camp.
I love Joba and I love trampolines, but how do you suffer a career-threatening injury on a tramp? When I was a kid, me and my friends would wrestle on trampolines, throw shit at each other, spray each with other with hoses, and didn’t get so much as a scratch. Also, his son is like 5 so I’m sure they were on the most embarrassingly small trampoline you could severely dislocate your ankle on. Can’t wait to hear about it from Sox fans. I know April Fool’s Day is a week away but somebody please tell me this is a joke.
Bobby V Is Still An Assclown
Posted: March 23, 2012 by Keith Stone in baseball, MLBTags: Bobby V, BOSTON SUCKS, Joe Girardi, Sox, Spring of Motivation, spring training, Yankees
You would think Bobby Valentine could get through an entire Yanks-Sox spring training game without any controversy, but apparently it’s too difficult for Bobby-san. During last night’s tilt, the two teams were tied 4-4 after nine innings. Joe Girardi was dealing with a starting pitcher that was scratched when his wife went into labor and a thin bullpen after using five pitchers. Expecting a long bus ride back to Tampa and two split-squad games toady, Girardi told umpires he was ready to call it a day. Bobby V already had somebody called Clayton Mortensen warming up in the bullpen, and that set him off. Valentine said:
“The umpire came over and said we couldn’t play. I don’t care about not playing. Why do I have to warm up my pitcher who is trying to make the team, coming in a tie game against the Yankees and maybe help him make the team? Instead, he has to walk off the mound and take a shower. Not very courteous.“
I’m pretty sure Bobby V is a chick. That could be the only explanation. He’s like the girl that bitches and moans about everything. Get Bobby V flowers? Not his favorite color. Take him out for dinner? You know he doesn’t like Italian food. Nobody else nags about every single thing like Bobby V does except a woman. Who cares about some guy who’s never going to make the team warming up during a spring training game?
A few weeks ago he said he hated the Yankees and talked shit about Captain Jeter and A-Rod. Joe sticks up for his players. You talk shit about them, you don’t get the courtesy of knowing when we’re taking our balls and bats and heading home. Plus, he has some motivational speeches to prepare. Sorry, Bob. See you in the regular season.
Joe To Pitchers: Sack Up!
Posted: March 20, 2012 by Keith Stone in baseball, MLBTags: Andy Pettitte, baseball, Joe Girardi, MLB, Spring of Motivation, spring training, Yankees
With the addition of Andy Pettitte to the Yankees’ pitching staff, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that there’s not enough room for everybody in the starting rotation. Yesterday, Joe Girardi made it known that he doesn’t care about anyone’s performance in the past or the circumstances of their arrival to the Yanks, just the way they pitch now. He said:
“If you don’t want somebody to take your job, pitch that way. It’s really simple. Let’s say the job was given to you and you were struggling. They’re going to look for someone to give the job to. You have to produce. That’s the world we live in in New York. It’s not like, ‘You’re this guy and we’re going to give you 20 starts no mater what happens.’ We don’t live in that world here.“
In other words, put up or shut up, boys. What a welcome departure from the days of Carl Pavano and Jaret Wright. Michael Pineda’s been struggling with his velocity. Now it’s get it up or off to the bullpen. You can have all the motivational speeches in the world during spring training but nothing’s going to light the fire under a guy’s ass than the threat of losing his job. It’s nice to see athletes getting treated like the rest of us.
Even if Andy sucks, at least we’ll know which guys really deserve to start. But judging from today’s bullpen session and how much he and Russell Martin got each other’s juices flowing (no homo), it looks like Pineda, Phil Hughes, Ivan Nova, and Freddy Garcia are going to have to pick their games up if they want to stay in the rotation.
Andy Pettitte Returns To Yankees…Like To Pitch
Posted: March 16, 2012 by Keith Stone in baseball, MLBTags: Andy Pettitte, baseball, MLB, Spring of Motivation, spring training, Yankees
Holy shit. When I saw Andy Pettitte was returning to the Yankees, I assumed it was as a spring training instructor or goodwill ambassador or something. Nope, the old man is coming back in pinstripes. I wonder if Jorge feels like an idiot now for retiring. We could’ve have the Core Four back together. In case you’re keeping track at home, we’ve gone from Core Four to Core Three to Core Two to Core Three in about a year. Even Oprah’s weight doesn’t change as often.
Andy is a legend and he can do whatever the fuck he wants. Make a comeback at 39? Sure. Hump George Steinbrenner’s massive plaque in Monument Park? Why not. Pettitte actually pitched well in 2010 until he was hit by injuries. If he comes back in May or June like they’re projecting, he should be able to last until October.
The Yanks’ pitching was the big reason they lost last year, and even with the additions of Pineda and Kuroda, they could use as many pitchers as possible. The Supernova might have trouble in his sophomore season as hitters figure him out, Freddy Garcia is banged up, Phil Hughes is a question mark, Pineda’s velocity has been down, and who knows how Kuroda will react to the AL. Andy is still Mr. Clutch in October and that’s all that matters with the Bombers. If there’s a big game, there’s no one I’d rather see on the mound. It doesn’t matter how old he is. Guess after hearing all of Joe Girardi’s motivational tactics while visiting Tampa, #46 just couldn’t resist coming back.
Zolio Almonte Hands Sports Superiority Back To Boston
Posted: March 13, 2012 by Keith Stone in baseball, MLBTags: baseball, BOSTON SUCKS, MLB, Sox, Spring of Motivation, spring training, Yanks
You really did it this time, Zolio. The Red Sox were in town at Steinbrenner Field, just asking for a beatdown after everything that Bobby V’s been saying. The game was scoreless into the 9th but Zolio misplayed a single into an inside-the-park home run. Now everything New York has accomplished recently against Boston is for naught. Blueshirts rocking the B’s on their way to the #1 seed? Doesn’t matter. Super Bowl XLVI? Who cares. All I know is that that smug bastard Bobby V is probably smiling and waving goodbye to the fans in Tampa from the back of the bus. We had a chance to shut this clown up and Zolio Almonte gave it all away. Somebody better have a great motivational quote planned for tomorrow. On the plus side, Ivan Nova threw four shutout innings with three strikeouts and only allowed two hits. I guess it wasn’t a total washout.
How Do You Say “Nepotism” In Spanish? Felix Lopez
Posted: March 12, 2012 by Keith Stone in baseball, MLBTags: baseball, Felix Lopez, MLB, Spring of Motivation, spring training, Yankees
Looks like Joe Girardi’s Spring of Motivation is contagious. No, Nick Swisher and Brett Gardner aren’t skipping workouts to discuss the teachings of Voltaire and Martin Luther King. Yankees Chief International Officer (really?) and landscaper-in-chief Felix Lopez has been taking in games from the team’s dugout at Steinbrenner Field and is known to do a little more cheering than the skipper would like. You might know Lopez as the luckiest son of a bitch in the world, who married into the Steinbrenner family after meeting the Boss’s daughter, Jessica, while landscaping her house (yes, really).
Now he oversees the Yanks’ spring training home in Tampa and their Latin American scouting department, where his biggest accomplishments have been designing new lounges and bringing the 2009 World Series Trophy to the Dominican Republic (yesssssssssssss really—stop asking). But wait…there’s more. On a day when brother-in-law Hal was out of town, Felix tried to deliver a booming speech to rally the troops. Apparently it was so awful, the players were shaking their heads with confusion after 10 incoherent minutes.
I’m all for nepotism but somebody has to keep Felix in line. First, he’s delivering rambling speeches and sitting in the dugout during spring training. Then, he’ll be making lineup suggestions to Cashman and Girardi. Next thing you know, he’s going to activate himself like he’s Roger Dorn and investing all the Yankees’ money with Ponzi schemers. The Boss was so concerned about winning in the present, he never groomed a proper successor. Hank would rather chain smoke, kidnap children, and yell at reporters. Steve Swindal had it all until he fucked it up with a DUI. Worst of all, Hal wants the Bombers to practice FISCAL RESPONSIBILITY. Poor George must be rolling over in his grave. One thing’s for sure. El Bossito needs to focus on cutting the grass and let experts like the bat-breaking preacher handle the inspiration.
Personally, I’d be happy enough if my father-in-law had season tickets, much less owned the team.
Maniac Bat-Breaking Preacher To Lead Yanks To World Series
Posted: March 8, 2012 by Keith Stone in baseball, MLBTags: baeball, Donnie Moore, god(s), MLB, Spring of Motivation, spring training, Yankees
Joe Girardi’s Spring of Motivation continues. He already has the players sharing quotes in both English and Spanish on a daily basis, but this was a little bit of a changeup. Donnie Moore spoke to Yanks yesterday before their game against Tampa Bay. His message was simple: envision your own success. His method, however, was a bit different. To get to the point, Moore broke bats against his legs, tore a phone book and can of soda in half, and rolled up a frying fan. He’s a watermelon and a sledgehammer away from being Gallagher.
Moore is currently the chaplain of the Oakland A’s and has been since the early 90’s, where he apparently learned his motivational tactics from Mark McGuire and Jose Canseco. He may claim to get his strength from Jesus, but what he doesn’t tell you is that Jesus is the shady Mexican bodybuilder at his gym. The Rev. Bash Brother even got the bat he broke in the video from Manny Ramirez. I wonder if it was when Manny was pregnant. No word on whether Moore helped motivate Ryan Braun last year as well.
If Donnie Moore can do all this, why doesn’t Cashman just sign him? I love all the motivational speeches but how about a little less phone book-ripping and a little more BP? Although really, isn’t the last person a baseball team should be associated with a dude with unreal strength who owes it all to his faith? Next thing you know A-Rod is going to send his cousin on a missionary trip to DR. And if this guy even shook hands with Rafael Soriano, he’d probably have to go on the 60-day disabled list. Next time Joe wants to motivate the troops, there’s only one person he needs to call…
Rainman Suite 