>In Defense of Philly

Posted: March 23, 2011 by Keith Stone in Philly sucks, the fans

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My friend, Phanatic, took exception to my repeated jabs at her hometown of Philadelphia. She’s the classiest girl to come out of the City of Brotherly Love since this lady, so she wrote a response in crayon on the back of a Pizza Hut kids placemat. Despite all her typos, I transcribed it the best I could below:

There is a media conspiracy in this country against Philadelphia.  It’s designed to help all of the fans of other teams across the country feel better about their inadequacies.  Nothing else could explain how often and how cutthroat the jabs against Philly really are.  Are there drunk and disorderly assholes in New York, Boston and LA?  Of course.  Do you hear about them even half as often?  No.

There are positives to Philly you never hear about as well.  Case in point: the story about the country’s worst fans (and I’m sorry since when does GQ magazine have authority in the sports world?) was tweeted by friends of mine and made news throughout the country.  What you probably don’t know is that according to the Sports Loyalty Index just released, Philadelphia Phillies fans got top bidding.  Because we are loyal.  And smart.  And expect greatness.

Oh and one more thing – Santa Claus was drunk that day.  The other Santa couldn’t make it so they pulled a drunk asshole out of the stands to play Santa for the day.  You would have booed too.  Spread the gospel.

Phanatic has a point. Philly fans are loyal, but I still say a higher proportion of them go to games to start trouble than any other city. New York fans, like Charlie Sheen, are obsessed with winning and that’s why we’re better than Philadelphia. And DeSean Jackson can go fuck himself.

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