Rainman Suite

And so the the eyes of the world turn to Buenos Aires, despite the fact that nobody on the show can correctly pronounce Buenos Aires. The Bombs Away Challenge was the show’s last and the winning men’s team earned a coveted spot in the Finals. With that type of pressure, it’s really starting to get to some people. At this point in the game, all the alliances have fallen by the wayside.  A trip to the Finals means you no longer have to worry about being blindsided or betrayed by the group, just making it to the finish line first. Former friends are now enemies and the only person anybody can really trust is their partner, their most hated rival. Like Tyler says, “Sometimes you get stabbed in the face. Sometimes you get stabbed in the back.” I’m getting aroused just thinking about it. This episode ended with an infuriating TO BE CONTINUED… so we’re going to have to wait till next week to see who escapes from the final Jungle and earns the last position in the Finals. Onto the standings…

Guys

1. Mike Mike & Roy Lee (Last Week: 3)
The rooks have played a spectacular game so far and earned a spot in the Finals thanks to Roy Lee’s amazing rope-climbing skills. In fact, Mike Mike and Roy Lee never even appeared in the Jungle. To be fair, they may have lucked out since nobody thinks they will win the entire thing, nobody much cared if they even made it to the Finals. Plus, it’s a huge advantage that they were already friends before the show. Mike Mike had a banner week and threw an epic tantrum after the toga party the last day in Costa Rica because the guys were throwing cookies at him, ruining a beautiful night of getting spanked and choked by Paula. Roy Lee summed up this team best when he said, “Mike’s ride or die.” He certainly is. I’m also not really sure what Mike Mike was wearing under his toga, some sort of man thong. Let’s move on.

2. Kenny & Wes (LW: 1)
Mr. Beautiful and his pale friend also earned a spot in the Finals, but may have lost a friend in Johnny Bananas who wasn’t happy with the way everything went down and the fact that Wes was seemingly running things for the team. However this team gets high marks because they know the important thing is to win BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. Wes also started shit with Cara Maria by pouring an entire 2-liter bottle of soda on her head, making her cry and long for Abram. Unlike the other teams, Kenny and Wes still don’t get along very well which could hurt them in the Finals. Wes needs to stop being a passive-aggressive punk who underestimates Kenny’s abilities. Just sayin’.

3. Adam & CT (LW: 4)
It was another underwhelming week for Adam and the beast CT. They were DQ’ed in the Challenge and CT’s love life and face-eating life have quieted down. CT and Laurel seem about done after CT claimed to wear black at the last Challenge even though he looked like Papa Smurf. Adam seems to be finally giving CT his friendship which is all CT ever wanted besides the taste of human flesh. The beast is chomping at the bit in preparation for the Jungle, but Adam may be letting people get into head so I don’t know what TO BE CONTINUED…………………

4. Johnny Bananas & Tyler (LW: 2)
This team is cool when it’s smooth sailing but when adversity strikes it’s like they’re in steerage on the Titanic. Johnny is mad at Kenny for not wanting to go into the Jungle for some reason while Tyler is freaking out at everyone that voted them in. Maybe it’s karma for Johnny throwing cookies at Mike Mike and a water bottle at Cara Maria when they were both crying. Now Tyler is getting into hissy fits with Paula and Roy Lee instead of getting ready for the Jungle, which appears to be a very physical competition involving football pads and ramming your opponent. I’m going to go ahead and give CT the advantage on this one. Tyler and Johnny both competed against CT during the last Challenge so they at least know what they’re getting into but can anyone truly prepare for the beast?  I haven’t been this excited for a rematch since Tyson-Holyfield II and I would say that once again there’s a high chance somebody gets a body part eaten off. At least, hopefully things go better for Johnny than last time.

Sluts
1. Jenn with 2 n’s & Mandi (LW: 1)
According to my very detailed notes, this was the only girls team that didn’t have somebody who cried. Works for me.

2. Evelyn & Paula Walnuts (LW: 2)
Everything was going so well for Paula this year. No meltdowns. No backstabs. She has a boyfriend that she loves when she’s drunk. This is her best chance to win ever. She was enjoying her first night in Buenos Aires like anyone would, having a wrestling orgy while her skirt flies up and her ass has to get censored, when she decided to get involved with Wes and Cara Maria’s skirmish. Laurel would have none of that and opened up some past wounds. And thus, we had the obligatory Paula Walnuts crying scene that no Challenge season can go without. I got Paula’s back though. There’s nothing wrong with fake boobs.

3. Cara Maria & Laurel (LW: 3)
These girls are a mess. First, Wes dumps the soda on Cara Maria and she just sits there sobbing instead of getting back at him. Then, Laurel was really mean to Paula. Like really mean. You don’t talk about eating disorders. That’s a low blow. She did the same thing to Big Easy last year and then cried like a baby on the reunion because of it. Laurel, baby, you’re better than that. On the positive side, Laurel did defend Cara Maria and they seem to be bonding pretty well. They also made out at the Buenos Aires nightclub so they’ve got that going for them.