I hate shopping. If I need something, I go to the store and I get it. Mama Stone is the opposite. She would buy a sombrero if she thought she was getting a good deal for it. That’s why she has about 30 bottles of shampoo sitting in a closet. How could she not buy them? She had a coupon! Just because something is a good value does not make it a good purchase. Unless you’re Rapunzel, in this situation.
In our world, you might be tempted to make a pick because you’re getting an extra point or two. Oh goodie, the Jets line is only -1.5. Doesn’t matter because the Pats are going to blow them out. Taking the Jets is the equivalent of a chick thinking she got a good deal because she bought a pair of shoes on sale for $350 when they were listed at $500. She’s still an idiot and I still would want to tag her. And no, that doesn’t make me gay for Tom Brady. Picks!
STEELERS (-2.5) AT BENGALS
Stone: Steelers
The Bengals are a solid team, but they haven’t played anyone good this year.
Slumdeezy: Steelers
Rory: Steelers
Red Rocket vs. Big Ben in the battle of nicknames for your penis!
DP Animal: Steelers
Phanatic: Bengals
BRONCOS AT CHIEFS (-2.5)
Stone: Broncos
I’m convinced all four teams in the AFC West are going to end up at 8-8.
Slumdeezy: Broncos
Rory: Broncos
DP Animal: Broncos
Phanatic: Chiefs
JAGUARS (-2.5) AT COLTS
Stone: Jaguars
Slumdeezy: Jaguars
Rory: Jaguars
You know the deal at this point, folks.
DP Animal: Jaguars
Phanatic: Colts
The 10th wonder of the world will be the first win for the Colts!
BILLS AT COWBOYS (-5.5)
Stone: Bills
The Bills need to rebound after last week’s disappointment if they’re going to have a shot at the playoffs.
Slumdeezy: Bills
Rory: Bills
DP Animal: Bills
Phanatic: Bills
TEXANS (-2.5) AT BUCCANEERS
Stone: Texans
The Bucs are secretly not very good.
Slumdeezy: Texans
Rory: Buccaneers
DP Animal: Texans
Phanatic: Texans
TITANS AT PANTHERS (-3.5)
Stone: Titans
Hopefully, Chris Johnson’s holdout ends soon.
Slumdeezy: Titans
Rory: Titans
I don’t trust Cam Newton yet.
DP Animal: Panthers
Phanatic: Panthers
I just like Cam, OK?!
REDSKINS AT DOLPHINS (-3.5)
Stone: Redskins
The Dolphins suck at home.
Slumdeezy: Redskins
Rory: Dolphins
DP Animal: Dolphins
Phanatic: Redskins
SAINTS AT FALCONS (PICK)
Stone: Falcons
The Saints go up and down more than Oprah’s weight.
Slumdeezy: Saints
Rory: Saints
DP Animal: Saints
Phanatic: Saints
RAMS AT BROWNS (-2.5)
Stone: Rams
This is how I feel thinking about this game.
Slumdeezy: Rams
Rory: Rams
In case you aren’t following my fake Supercontest picks, I picked this game. I have a feeling I’ll go 5-0 or 0-5 this week. FYI – if I was in the Supercontest, I’d be in 28th place. My opponent Brad? He’d be in 512th place (there are 517 players).
DP Animal: Browns
Phanatic: Browns
RAVENS (-6.5) AT SEAHAWKS
Stone: Seahawks
I just can’t tell with Flacco.
Slumdeezy: Ravens
Rory: Seahawks
I picked 3 NFC west teams this week, and that’s only because there’s no Cardinals line. I feel sick/great.
DP Animal: Ravens
Phanatic: Seahawks
LIONS AT BEARS (-2.5)
Stone: Bears
Who saw Matt Forte’s resurgence?
Slumdeezy: Bears
Rory: Lions
DP Animal: Bears
Phanatic: Lions
GIANTS AT 49ERS (-3.5)
Stone: Giants
Slumdeezy: Giants
Rory: 49ers
This has all the makings of a let-down game for the Giants. However, my friend, who is both the biggest Giants fan AND alcoholic I know, will be attending this game. I think he’ll be the X-factor in any Giants victory. If some fat guy comes out and blocks a Niners field goal, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
DP Animal: Giants
Phanatic: 49ers
This is the kind of game the Giants lose after a game against the Pats.
PATRIOTS AT JETS (-1.5)
Stone: Patriots
You won’t like Tom Brady when he’s angry.
Slumdeezy: Jets
Rory: Patriots
This reminds me of when the Celts were playing the Knicks in the playoffs. I hate both teams. Speaking of which, I remember watching Game 2 at a bar. When Jared Jeffries hit a layup to give the Knicks a slight lead, some fan at the bar shouted “PAT-RICK EWING!” Knicks fans are awful.
DP Animal: Jets
Phanatic: Patriots
VIKINGS AT PACKERS (-13.5)
Stone: Vikings
Vikings have been playing better since McNabb was benched. This’ll be a shootout.
Slumdeezy: Packers
Rory: Packers
And…..I miss basketball.
DP Animal: Vikings
Phanatic: Packers
*The Cardinals-Dream Team game has no line at the time of this post. John Skelton, baby.
CURRENT RECORDS
Stone: 73-55 (Last week: 8-6)
Rory: 70-58 (9-5)
Slumdeezy: 66-62 (7-7)
Phanatic: 61-67 (6-8)
DP Animal: 61-67 (7-7)
Rainman Suite 