Archive for the ‘2011 NFL Picks’ Category

WEEK 17 Picks: Win or Go Home?

Posted: December 31, 2011 by Keith Stone in 2011 NFL Picks, football, NFL

WEEK 17 is always the most impossible week to make picks. The NFL did a good job making every team play a divisional rival and making sure teams are playing at the same time as other squads close to them in the standings. Still, does anyone know how much the Texans are going to bring with the 3-seed locked up? What about the Packers? Is Aaron Rodgers going to be worrying more about the Lions or photobombing the captains’ picture? Even teams like the Dream Team. They’re really playing well but a loss would ensure a decent draft pick and easier schedule. You would think these guys would have enough pride to give it all they’ve got, but I’d be thinking about hitting the links too if I was on a 5-10 team. Gamble at your own risk. Picks!

REDSKINS AT DREAM TEAM (-8.5)
Stone: Dream Team
Finally showing their true potential.

Slumdeezy: Dream Team

Rory: Redskins

DP Animal: Redskins

Phanatic: Dream Team
Last time to show their Dream Team potential now that it’s too late.

49ERS (-10.5) AT RAMS
Stone: 49ers
The Rams are the worst team in the NFL. It would be a bummer if they didn’t get the #1 pick.

Slumdeezy: Rams

Rory: 49ers

DP Animal: 49ers

Phanatic: Rams

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WEEK 16 Picks: Eve of Annihilation

Posted: December 24, 2011 by Keith Stone in 2011 NFL Picks, football, Happy Holidays, NFL

I hope nobody made any bets last week, especially using our picks. When Phanatic goes 12-4, you know it’s a weird week. The Giants, Jets, and Ravens games were especially vexing. All three teams are in prime position for a playoff spot and nobody came to play. At least the Jets and Ravens were playing contenders. The Deadskins earned their nickname for a reason. As much as you feel confident about a pick, like I did with the Giants over the Skins, you never know when you’re going to get a lump of coal in your stocking. You can only be so lucky. Let’s hope this isn’t a sign of things to come. Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicks!

RAIDERS AT CHIEFS (-2.5)
Stone: Chiefs
It’d only be right.

Slumdeezy: Raiders

Rory: Raiders
Who can figure out this division anymore?  I’ll just take the points.

DP Animal: Raiders

Phanatic: Raiders

BRONCOS (-2.5) AT BILLS
Stone: Broncos
Remember when the Bills were good all those many, many days ago?

Slumdeezy: Broncos

Rory: Broncos
TEBOW!

DP Animal: Broncos

Phanatic: Broncos

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Oh, NFL Network, you were so close to having a good game tonight. At the beginning of the season, it looked like the AFC South would come down to this one. Even as of a few weeks ago, it seemed like the Texans were the team to beat in the AFC and tonight would be their coming out party. A few injuries later, and it’s Orlovsky! Yates! Thursday Night Football! Here’s our picks.

TEXANS (-5.5) AT COLTS
Stone: Colts
Slumdeezy: Texans
Rory: Texans
DP Animal: Texans
Phanatic: Texans

CURRENT RECORDS
Stone: 124-94
Rory: 121-97
Slumdeezy: 113-105
DP Animal: 106-112
Phanatic: 106-112

WEEK 15 Picks: No Fantasy

Posted: December 18, 2011 by Keith Stone in 2011 NFL Picks, football, NFL

I got eliminated in the first round of my fantasy playoffs last week. Nobody likes to hear about the details so I’ll spare them. It’s kind of like not looking at the dick of the guy next to you at the urinal. I’ll deal solely with hypothetical examples.

Really, is there a more illogical concept than fantasy football? You could have a great week and beat every other team in the league except one and lose because the guy you’re playing is that one. Maybe your starting running back gets benched for the first half of a game for a vague curfew violation THAT YOU HAD NO WAY TO PREPARE FOR while the running backs on your bench went for 20 points. Maybe you pick up a new kicker because your old one got shut out the week before and then he proceeds to score 10 more points than the one you picked up. Why are kickers on a fantasy team anyway? The amount of points they score is totally dependent on the rest of their team. How is that fair? I’d rather roll a ten-sided die to get my kicker points than actually let a kicker determine it.

And don’t forget about the football fans that only root for their fantasy players. They’re the worst. Ever sit next to one of them at a bar and you think he’s rooting for your team because he’s cheering for one of your guys? Then, your team scores a touchdown but he’s pissed because his WR didn’t score it? Chill out, bro. This isn’t The Lawnmower Man. Some of us exist in the real world. Yeah, I’m bitter. Onto the picks.

REDSKINS AT GIANTS (-6.5)
Stone: Giants

Slumdeeezy: Giants

Rory: Redskins
I think the Giants still win, but it is a close one.  Sexy Rexy!

DP Animal: Giants
The rivalry game aspect gives me pause, but it’s hard to take Rex Grossman on the road.

Phanatic: Redskins

PACKERS (13.5) AT CHIEFS
Stone: Packers
If the Chiefs score 10 points, I’ll be wildly surprised.

Slumdeeezy: Packers

Rory: Packers
Fairy Tale Football playoffs for me!  I have Rodgers & Nelson (which sounds like a play-writing duo).  Due to the advanced efforts of Julio Jones and Mo-Jo Drew, I need these two to play extremely well.

DP Animal: Packers

Phanatic: Packers

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S.H.I.S.: Cowboys-Buccaneers

Posted: December 17, 2011 by Keith Stone in 2011 NFL Picks, Cowgirls, football, NFL, Tampa Bay Buccaneers

The NFL Network has done it again! Two underachieving teams. One that has been eliminated from the playoffs, and one where this game barely matters thanks to the NFL’s complicated tiebreaking procedures. For what it’s worth, we need more Saturday games. I’m usually hungover when I watch on Sunday. Now I can really drink. Every time I see Tony Romo smile, I’m taking a shot. I hope I can get up tomorrow. Here’s our picks for tonight’s game.

COWBOYS (-6.5) AT BUCCANEERS
Stone: Cowboys
Slumdeezy: Buccaneers
Rory: Cowboys
DP Animal: Cowboys
Phanatic: Buccaneers

CURRENT RECORDS
Stone: 116-87
Rory: 114-89
Slumdeezy: 109-94
DP Animal: 100-103
Phanatic: 95-108

The NFL did it again! Another Thursday night double-digit spread for all of us lucky football fans. The Jags have an interim coach while the Falcons have a coach that may have a heart attack at any minute. That’s pretty much the only storyline I can think of. Let’s just hope it’s not going to be a close game. Picks!

JAGUARS AT FALCONS (-10.5)
Stone: Jaguars
Slumdeezy: Falcons
Rory: Jaguars
Phanatic: Falcons
DP Animal: Falcons

CURRENT RECORDS
Stone: 116-86
Rory: 114-88
Slumdeezy: 108-94
DP Animal: 99-103
Phanatic: 94-108

I’m so sick of all this Giants’ second half collapse bullshit. This team has been hit by so many injuries, the fact that they’re 6-6 right now is an accomplishment. I don’t know why but for the past three seasons, their schedule has been signifianctly harder at the end of the season. It’s not like the falling leaves make Eli Manning wistful for the South while Tom Coughlin suffers from seasonal affective disorder. If anyone needs to be fired, it’s the guy who makes the schedule. We could play a good team in the first half of the season every once in a while. The Giants have had some indefensible no shows over the years but I’m tired of the jokes and calls for bloodshed. Four years ago, they had they greatest run to end the season of ALL-TIME!!! Tom Coughlin is a World Champion coach. He can leave when he wants, not because his shorthanded team lost to the last two Super Bowl Champs. I think the Giants are better than the Cowboys. Now that the team is finally get a little healthy, they can finally start shutting up all the naysayers tonight. Onto the picks!

COLTS AT RAVENS (-16.5)
Stone: Colts

Slumdeezy: Ravens

Rory: Ravens
BASKETBALL IS BACK!

DP Animal: Colts

Phanatic: Colts
I actually kind of sort of think maybe slash want it to be their week this week.  Or if not I hope they at least beat the spread.

TEXANS AT BENGALS (-2.5)
Stone: Texans
The Bengals haven’t had a good game in four weeks.

Slumdeezy: Texans

Rory: Bengals

DP Animal: Bengals

Phanatic: Bengals

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