Archive for the ‘Happy Holidays’ Category

New Year’s Eve is the feel-good movie of the holiday season and shows that people of all colors and creeds (except Asians) can come together for one special moment. Starring Ashton Kutcher, Halle Berry, Zac Efron, Jessica Biel, Bob DeNiro, Katherine Hiegl, Ludacris, Sarah Jessica Parker, Josh Duhamel, Pope John Paul II, Jon Bon Jovi, Samuel L. Jackson, Hilary Swank, Brett Favre, the dad from The Wonder Years, The Rock, and Eddie Murphy playing three characters, it has a nice concept but I’m a little worried there’s not enough star power. It has a little too much of an indie feel for my liking.

What Mom Always Wanted

Posted: December 27, 2011 by Keith Stone in Happy Holidays, pie

I was driving to my aunt’s house on Christmas Eve when a sweet sounding commercial came on the radio. A little ‘Tis the Season played in the background while a nice lady talked about cosmetic surgery. Hey, I guess some people might want a facelift for Christmas. However, a few seconds later the spot became a bit more specific. It was for vaginal rejuvenation surgery, which is apparently a great present for the loved one in your life.

I wonder how you go about giving that present. Do you have a card with a little coupon in it, like something you would do for a back massage or picking up the kids for a week or something? Or do you just tell them in person? “Hey Honey, you know that pussy lift you’ve wanted to get? Well, Santa Stone is making your wish come true!” I didn’t realize that vaginal rejuvenation was so popular. Look ladies, if you’re going to spend thousands of dollars on plastic surgery, spend it on your face or your tits. No guy wants to look at your box no matter how beautiful it is unless it dispenses beer or has the game on. Be happy with your vaginas, women of America!

With “Santa Claus” holding court in the ring, Stone Cold Steve Austin took exception to St. Nick’s interaction with a young member of the audience. The Rattlesnake had it out with the imposter, leading to a stunner and a North Pole ass whooping. I hope he got extra presents that year. And yes, that wasn’t the most offensive religion-related occurrence in WWF history.

Trailer Park: Home Alone

Posted: December 24, 2011 by Keith Stone in Happy Holidays, Home Alone, Merry Christmas, Trailer Park, videos


If you’re under 30 and Home Alone isn’t your favorite Christmas movie of all-time, please leave this website right now. I don’t want to talk to you. Home Alone just wasn’t my favorite Christmas movie, it was my favorite movie for a while, at least until Independence Day came out. It has it all: laughs, drama, getting hit in the face with paint cans. When you’re a kid, there’s nothing funnier than seeing people get hit with stuff, especially when they’re BAD GUYS! Of course, you can’t leave Home Alone 2: Lost in New York out of the discussion. Despite the fact that it was the same exact movie in a different setting, it pulled it off better than The Hangover did. Seriously, though, how do you get on the plane without Kevin the second time? Wouldn’t you have him handcuffed to you at all times? Or maybe travel in a smaller group? Or take a road trip? I’m just happy the McCallisters never thought of such things.

WEEK 16 Picks: Eve of Annihilation

Posted: December 24, 2011 by Keith Stone in 2011 NFL Picks, football, Happy Holidays, NFL

I hope nobody made any bets last week, especially using our picks. When Phanatic goes 12-4, you know it’s a weird week. The Giants, Jets, and Ravens games were especially vexing. All three teams are in prime position for a playoff spot and nobody came to play. At least the Jets and Ravens were playing contenders. The Deadskins earned their nickname for a reason. As much as you feel confident about a pick, like I did with the Giants over the Skins, you never know when you’re going to get a lump of coal in your stocking. You can only be so lucky. Let’s hope this isn’t a sign of things to come. Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicks!

Stone: Chiefs
It’d only be right.

Slumdeezy: Raiders

Rory: Raiders
Who can figure out this division anymore?  I’ll just take the points.

DP Animal: Raiders

Phanatic: Raiders

Stone: Broncos
Remember when the Bills were good all those many, many days ago?

Slumdeezy: Broncos

Rory: Broncos

DP Animal: Broncos

Phanatic: Broncos


Trivia Time: Christmas

Posted: December 24, 2011 by Keith Stone in Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, trivia

It’s almost time for Christmas and I couldn’t be more excited for presents, family, and the return of basketball. I did a little research and Christmas is not only Santa Claus’s birthday but somebody called Jesus Christ. A few centuries after Jesus was born, his followers decided to start celebrating his birthday. There was only one problem. Nobody knew when it was. Some thought the spring. Some the summer. Eventually, December 25th was settled on as the date. It was the same date a big pagan holiday and the Christians wanted to steal their thunder. This brings us to our Question of the Week. Get it right and Santa won’t put you on the naughty list. The answer, as always, is after the jump.

In which year was Christmas first celebrated on December 25th? (and a hint: it is not 1975)


Trivia Time: Holiday Shopping

Posted: December 18, 2011 by Keith Stone in Happy Holidays, shopping, trivia

I’m still working on my holiday shopping. I go to these stores and I end up buying stuff I don’t need. I actually bought a Snuggie for dogs. Certain people are considered “compulsive buyers” due to their shopping addiction. I initially estimated the percentage to be around 50% or approximately the entire female population, but I was wrong. That brings us to our Question of the Week. Get it right and win a Snuggie for dogs.

What percentage of consumers are classified as “compulsive shoppers?” (and a hint: it’s not 50%)


Trailer Park: The Darkest Hour

Posted: December 11, 2011 by Keith Stone in Happy Holidays, The Darkest Hour, Trailer Park, videos

I was reading with the TV on when this trailer came up. I heard the announcer say, “Survive the holidays,” so I assumed it was for a crappy family holiday comedy starring Tim Allen and Kristin Davis. All of a sudden, people started getting vaporized. I’ve seen the trailer several times now and it doesn’t look like The Darkest Hour has anything to do with the holidays at all. In fact, the plot seems to revolve around people being snapped up by invisible beings. How can you make an entire movie about that? They’re invisible and they turn everybody into dust. If Will Smith isn’t in the movie, I can’t imagine the battle would last very long. I’ll spend my money on New Year’s Eve, thank you very much.

I think it’s Hanukkah or at least it feels like it should be Hanukkah, so here’s a treat for our Jewish friends out there: Adam Sandler’s Hanukkah Song. It always gets me in the mood for Christmas. And how do you suppose Sandler found all these random Jewish celebrities back in 1996? I could go on Wikipedia now and write a song about famous Episcopalians in like eight minutes but back then do you think there was some sort of list that said Harrison Ford was Jewish? This is what I think about during the holiday season.