Archive for the ‘videos’ Category

Trailer Park: Rudy

Posted: January 7, 2013 by Keith Stone in college football, football, videos
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“Sometimes a winner is a dreamer who just won’t quit.”

Who better to take us into the Golden Domes vs. mobile homes matchup in the BCS National Championship Game tonight than Rudy Ruettiger? Poor Rudy was too small and didn’t have the grades to play at Notre Dame, they said. But, golly gee, he worked hard and said his prayers and he made it. So basically Rudy is the exact opposite of every player who’s going to see action tonight.

These two teams might actually represent the worst of college football’s programs and fanbases. One the one hand, there’s Mr. Popped Collar Notre Dame. “Excuse me, we don’t need to play in a conference with other teams. How could any team be listed in the same standings as a fine Catholic institution such as Notre Dame? Our alumni and hangers-on are so crazed with goodness and reverence that they will gladly spend all the cash they made in the market to help our team win. Also, the past 20 years never happened. WE ARE BETTER THAN YOU.”

Then, on the other hand, there’s a lot of missing teeth. “Yeeeeeeeeeeeehaw, we gon drink Natty Lights and play cornhole all day. I just gotta make sure not to pass out before the big game. Y’all think Rudy is a classy feller? Well, Coach Saban is such a classy feller, I named my first born son after him. Daggone right, and when little Coach Saban Billy Bob Schrader turns 18 or learns how to read, he’s gon go to the University of Alerbama. Coach Saban will definitely still be coaching the team then! Now where did my cousin, I mean, wife go? Roll Tide!”

If there was a douchebag fan scale, these teams wouldn’t be on the scale, they would be the scale. But yeah, Saban is a dick, so there’s only three words to say tonight: RUDY! RUDY! RUDY!

Slobberknocker: Giving Thanks For Survivor Series

Posted: November 14, 2012 by Keith Stone in videos
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Ahhhh, the greatest Thanksgiving tradition of all. No, not turkey, family, or football — it’s wrasslin’. Or at least it used to be. The Survivor Series took place on Thanksgiving from 1987-1990. In the spirit of things, the intro to Survivor Series ’89 features the wrestlers and exactly what they are thankful for. The answers, as you can imagine, are pretty interesting and range from “polka dots” (Dusty Rhodes) to “sardine stuffing” (the Bushwhackers) to “weqjerkljfdksjfdklfjds” (Ultimate Warrior). The cherry on top of it all is Vince McMahon’s spirited announcing of every single Survivor Series participant. Oh, how I long for the days of a full card of elimination tag-team matches complete with team captains and goofy team names.

Trailer Park: Free Willy

Posted: May 25, 2012 by Keith Stone in hockey, NHL, videos
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In honor of Marty Brodeur, here’s the trailer to Free Willy, the biographical movie based on his life. As is the case with Hollywood, the screenwriters took liberties with the plot but the basic premise is the same: a whale escapes from captivity to become goaltender for the Devils, cheats on his wife with his sister-in-law, you know the rest. Of course, the big difference is that the real-life Marty eats a lot more than Willy.

Slobberknocker: Brock Breaks the Ring

Posted: May 5, 2012 by Keith Stone in videos
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Thinking back to Brock Lesnar’s first stint in the WWF, one moment sticks out. Not the botched shooting star press at Wrestlemania XIX or getting booed on his way out the door at Wrestlemania XX, but a match against the Big Show on Smackdown. Why’s that, you ask? Because his superplex off the top rope literally collapsed the ring. It’s an incredible physical feat, especially when you see how much bigger the Big Show is than him. With Lesnar’s eventful first month back in the books, let’s hope he has a lot more moments like this.

Throwback: Amirante’s Greatest Anthem

Posted: April 26, 2012 by Keith Stone in hockey, NHL, videos
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The last time the Rangers played in a Game 7 at the Garden was the final game of the 1994 season, as they skated away with the Stanley Cup. John Amirante kicked off the proceedings in a way only he can, with an absolutely amazing rendition of the National Anthem that was nearly drowned out by the delirious crowd. If his performance is 10% of that today, we’ll be well on our way to another Game 7 to remember.

Slobberknocker: Rock vs. Hogan

Posted: March 28, 2012 by Keith Stone in videos
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I’m in Miami for the Showcase of the Immortals, or as you might know it Wrestlemania XXVIII. Things are going to be a little light this week but hopefully there will be plenty to report back on. The main event event is The Rock vs. John Cena, an epic clash between two men who represent different eras in wrestling. The last time we saw a battle like this was 10 years ago, when the Rock was the current star and he faced off against Hollywood Hulk Hogan. The crowd at the Skydome was insane that night and hopefully the atmosphere will be just as charged on Sunday.

Slobberknocker: Empty Arena Match

Posted: March 23, 2012 by Keith Stone in videos
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Smackdown Hotel, corner of Know Your Role Boulevard and Jabroni Drive. No, Mankind can’t talk. He’s a little tied up right now.

With Wrestlemania less than two weeks away, there’s no better time to look back at some of the classic matches the Rock has had. The Empty Arena Match against Mankind has to be right at the top. Shown during halftime of Super Bowl XXXIII and filmed in an empty Tucson Arena, the duo battled their way in a falls count anywhere contest for the WWF Title. In 20 minutes, just about everything you could ask for in a match occurs. McMahon returning to the commentary table and simultaneously shilling for the WWF and rooting for the Rock in the most homoerotic way possible. Mankind falling down several sets of stairs. The Rock shoving Mankind into an oven and asking, “Can you smell what the Rock is cooking?” Mankind attacking the Rock with a bag of popcorn. All the while, Earl Hebner barely cracks a smile while the Rock is putting together a comedic performance that rivals Jim Carrey in the 80’s. Classic ending too with some fantastic camera work. Nobody but these two guys could pull off quite a match.

Throwback: 21 Jump Street

Posted: March 17, 2012 by Keith Stone in videos
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Jump! Down on Jump Street!

If you never heard of 21 Jump Street, what type of TV show does it look like from the opening credits? Judging from the music, I would think it’s a 80’s high school comedy, a Summer School for the small screen if you will. However, it was apparently a teen crime drama that took itself a little too seriously and centered around police officers going undercover in high schools. I say apparently because who under the age of 30 has actually seen an episode?

I did see the movie remake starring Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum, though, and it was exceptional. They remade it similarly to the Ben Stiller-Owen Wilson Starsky & Hutch. The premise hasn’t changed but the tone is way more tongue in cheek. Channing Tatum gets by on his good looks more than anything but Jonah Hill is phenomenal. The movie makes fun of everybody, from moms to black people, and is extremely politically incorrect. But it’s still smart humor. I honestly don’t know that I ever laughed as much throughout an entire movie that had a legitimately solid plot than during 21 Jump Street. Ice Cube was great too as the guys’ scene-stealing boss. It’s perfect for date night if your date is a degenerate, but then again if you’re in The Suite that’s probably the type of person you’re dating.

Throwback: Too Many Timeouts

Posted: March 9, 2012 by Keith Stone in videos
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It’s March so let’s get ready for the Madness. In the 1993 NCAA Title Game, Michigan’s Chris Webber called a timeout with 11 seconds left and UNC up by 2. Of course, the Wolverines didn’t have any timeouts. Some players are clutch and some aren’t. Jeter is clutch, and Chris Webber wasn’t. He’s afraid from the second he gets the rebound. After the weird pass/travel that wasn’t called, he does not want to be ball in his hands AT ALL. He barely even looked to pass once he got trapped in the corner. And he may claim he didn’t know how many timeouts Michigan had left but I’m not buying it. It looks like he’s thinking about calling one from the start and once he actually does call it, the look on his face screams “fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.” If he didn’t make hundreds of millions of dollars in the NBA, I’d feel bad for him.

Trailer Park: Bending the Rules

Posted: March 2, 2012 by Keith Stone in videos
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I have a new policy. Anytime WWE Studios releases the trailer of one of its “movies,” it’s going in the Trailer Park faster than you can cook up a batch of crystal meth. Their latest foray into “film making” is Bending the Rules “starring” Edge and Jamie Kennedy. Edge “portrays” Blades who appears to be an easygoing, dimwitted police officer who doesn’t mind bending the rules (get it?) while Kennedy “plays” an uptight, straitlaced lawyer who’s forced to embark on a case with Blades. See how that works. They’re opposites. Honestly, I think Edge has potential but maybe as a secondary character paired with a legit actor who can raise his game. It’s like wrestling. Unfortunately, Jamie Kennedy is the Brooklyn Brawler.

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