Posts Tagged ‘BCS’


“Sometimes a winner is a dreamer who just won’t quit.”

Who better to take us into the Golden Domes vs. mobile homes matchup in the BCS National Championship Game tonight than Rudy Ruettiger? Poor Rudy was too small and didn’t have the grades to play at Notre Dame, they said. But, golly gee, he worked hard and said his prayers and he made it. So basically Rudy is the exact opposite of every player who’s going to see action tonight.

These two teams might actually represent the worst of college football’s programs and fanbases. One the one hand, there’s Mr. Popped Collar Notre Dame. “Excuse me, we don’t need to play in a conference with other teams. How could any team be listed in the same standings as a fine Catholic institution such as Notre Dame? Our alumni and hangers-on are so crazed with goodness and reverence that they will gladly spend all the cash they made in the market to help our team win. Also, the past 20 years never happened. WE ARE BETTER THAN YOU.”

Then, on the other hand, there’s a lot of missing teeth. “Yeeeeeeeeeeeehaw, we gon drink Natty Lights and play cornhole all day. I just gotta make sure not to pass out before the big game. Y’all think Rudy is a classy feller? Well, Coach Saban is such a classy feller, I named my first born son after him. Daggone right, and when little Coach Saban Billy Bob Schrader turns 18 or learns how to read, he’s gon go to the University of Alerbama. Coach Saban will definitely still be coaching the team then! Now where did my cousin, I mean, wife go? Roll Tide!”

If there was a douchebag fan scale, these teams wouldn’t be on the scale, they would be the scale. But yeah, Saban is a dick, so there’s only three words to say tonight: RUDY! RUDY! RUDY!

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In honor of Alabama’s National Title victory last night, here’s Miss Alabama Madeline Mitchell. It still bothers me that Alabama got into the Championship Game despite losing a home game. If anything, hopefully this will help turn public sentiment even further against the BCS. Plus, we got to meet Madeline. She recently graduated from the University of Alabama with a degree in elementary education, which is ironic because that’s the type of education I figured all students received at Bama. Either way, I’d roll her tide. Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum!