Archive for the ‘WWF’ Category

The WWF has done its share of distasteful storylines, but this may be the worst. In the middle of a bitter feud, the former Hollywood Blondes tag team partners, Stone Cold Steve Austin and Brian Pillman, let things get a little too personal. With Pillman laid up with an ankle injury at his home in suburban Cincinnati with his well-endowed wife, Stone Cold saw it fit to interrupt the live interview Pillman was giving that night. Pillman had a little trick up his sleeve, however: a gun.

Even for the Attitude Era, this stunt was a bit too real but Austin’s got brass ones for coming back at Pillman and screaming, “Shoot me.” And kudos to Kevin Kelly for standing there like an idiot while a murder’s about to go down. The snow was also a total cop out. BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! This footage shows what happened when Raw went off the air. Looks like Mrs. Big Boobs Pillman wasn’t so scared after all. I hate this. It’s like seeing how hot dogs are made. I wanted to believe that Pillman was a second away from blowing Austin’s head off. It’s still real to me, dammit.

With “Santa Claus” holding court in the ring, Stone Cold Steve Austin took exception to St. Nick’s interaction with a young member of the audience. The Rattlesnake had it out with the imposter, leading to a stunner and a North Pole ass whooping. I hope he got extra presents that year. And yes, that wasn’t the most offensive religion-related occurrence in WWF history.

As part of this year’s Slammy Awards, WWF Champion CM Punk presented a honorary lifetime achievement award to his nemesis and current interim Raw GM, John Laurinaitis. As part of the tribute, Punk had a video package made of all of Funk Man’s “highlights” throughout the years. The video itself is classic but the music really brings everything together nicely. Despite his reputation as a hardass behind the scenes, Laurinaitis is actually a pretty good new onscreen character. He straddles the line between being a serious decision-maker and oblivious comic relief. I’d like to keep seeing more.

Trailer Park: The Reunion

Posted: December 18, 2011 by Keith Stone in John Cena, The Reunion, Trailer Park, videos, wrestling, WWF

Now we can get us killed in two langauges.

What do John Cena and Tyler Perry have in common? Despite the fact that their movies consistently look terrible, somebody apparently goes to see them and they keep rolling out more and more. In The Reunion, John Cena (apparently filming during one of his many firings) and a cast of Oscar winners playing his brothers start a private investigation agency after their father dies and promises to leave them a huge inheritance if they can successfully run a business together. What a realistic premise! Who wouldn’t want to see that? Cena can make fun of the Rock for being in the ring once in a blue moon, but at least when he does it, it’s entertaining. I think it’s about time for Cena to retire from the movie business.

Slobberknocker: The Torch Is Passed

Posted: December 11, 2011 by Keith Stone in Chris Jericho, Randy Orton, videos, wrestling, WWF

As part of a ceremony anointing himself as the future of the WWF, Randy Orton wanted the torch to be literally passed to him, so he went ahead and did the logical thing: he hired a runner to carry a torch from Miami to Ft. Lauderdale. The poor lad made the nearly 30-mile run only to be clotheslined in the final stretch by Chris Jericho, who was making his “second coming.” Jericho went on to confront Orton and cut one of his trademark promos to kick off a excellent final three-year run in wrestling. Although he dropped his sparkly-shirt wearing rocker gimmick for a more serious, suit-wearing character, Jericho’s stole the torch from Orton in more ways than one that night.

This has to be one of the most spectacular wrestling matches of all-time, with a finish for the ages. I didn’t even know it existed until like a week ago. Two future Hall of Famers fighting in the middle of Penn Station on the short-lived Shotgun Saturday Night. Of course I didn’t see it. It was on Channel 55. The Undertaker’s entrance down the escalator and through the crowd was awesome but I was a little disappointed he didn’t make the lights go off. Imagine rushing to take the LIRR home and bumping into the Undertaker. That’s a scary commute.

Slobberknocker: Gobbledy Gooker

Posted: November 27, 2011 by Keith Stone in Gobbledy Gooker, Slobberknocker, videos, wrestling, WWF

Is it a dinosaur? Is it a rabbit? Balloons? Is it the Playmate of the Month?

Leading up to the 1990 Survivor Series, a giant egg was frequently seen on WWF TV with the promise of a big surprise reveal at the event. Mean Gene was pretty excited about it but when the Gobbledy Gooker popped out and started dancing in the ring, the fans weren’t much pleased. Despite Gorilla Monsoon and Roddy Piper’s best efforts to sell the hell out of the gimmick, the Gooker (played by Eddie Guerrero’s brother Hector) wasn’t seen again for more than 10 years.

Slobberknocker: Deadly Game

Posted: November 19, 2011 by Keith Stone in Slobberknocker, The Rock, videos, wrestling, WWF

With the Survivor Series in town this Sunday and the Rock making his return after being inactive for seven years, this is only appropriate. After Vince McMahon screwed Bret Hart at the 1997 Survivor Series, he (or rather Mr. McMahon) and his cronies took meddling to new levels. Just one year later at the ’98 Series, the WWF Title sat vacant after the Undertaker and Kane pinned Stone Cold Steve Austin simultaneously at Summerslam.

To rectify this, McMahon set up a 14-man tournament for the event with the winner to be crowned Champion. Along with his long-running hatred of Austin, McMahon had a new nemesis in the Rock, who called himself the People’s Champion. Well, McMahon hated the people but appeared to be growing fond of Mankind, who would do anything for “his dad.” When he and the Rock met in the Finals, it seemed like Mankind would have his day but he learned like the Hitman did, never to trust Vincent Kennedy McMahon, and the Rock had won his first WWF Championship.

Slobberknocker: The Superfly

Posted: November 11, 2011 by Keith Stone in Slobberknocker, Superfly, videos, wrestling, WWF

It may not seem like much now after seeing the likes of Jeff Hardy jumping off 20-foot high ladders, but when the Superfly Jimmy Snuka leapt off the cage at Madison Square Garden onto the Magnificent Muraco, wrestling had changed forever. There had never been a move like that performed before. In fact, a young man at the Garden that day by the name of Mick Foley was so inspired by Snuka that it motivated him to become a wrestler and eventually WWF Champion.

“You sit there and you thump your Bible and you say your prayers, and it didn’t get you anywhere. Talk about your psalms, talk about John 3:16.  Austin 3:16 says I just whooped your ass.”

At the 1996 King of the Ring, Stone Cold Steve Austin celebrated beating Jake “The Snake” Roberts in the Finals of the tournament by opening a historic can of verbal whoop ass. The debut of Austin 3:16 was only the beginning of the meteoric rise of arguably one of the most popular wrestlers of all-time. Austin’s schtick was never for me, but he could still handle the mike as good as anyone. It’s easy to see why he became such a big star, especially in redneck country.