Archive for the ‘Stone Cold Steve Austin’ Category


The WWF has done its share of distasteful storylines, but this may be the worst. In the middle of a bitter feud, the former Hollywood Blondes tag team partners, Stone Cold Steve Austin and Brian Pillman, let things get a little too personal. With Pillman laid up with an ankle injury at his home in suburban Cincinnati with his well-endowed wife, Stone Cold saw it fit to interrupt the live interview Pillman was giving that night. Pillman had a little trick up his sleeve, however: a gun.

Even for the Attitude Era, this stunt was a bit too real but Austin’s got brass ones for coming back at Pillman and screaming, “Shoot me.” And kudos to Kevin Kelly for standing there like an idiot while a murder’s about to go down. The snow was also a total cop out. BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! This footage shows what happened when Raw went off the air. Looks like Mrs. Big Boobs Pillman wasn’t so scared after all. I hate this. It’s like seeing how hot dogs are made. I wanted to believe that Pillman was a second away from blowing Austin’s head off. It’s still real to me, dammit.

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With “Santa Claus” holding court in the ring, Stone Cold Steve Austin took exception to St. Nick’s interaction with a young member of the audience. The Rattlesnake had it out with the imposter, leading to a stunner and a North Pole ass whooping. I hope he got extra presents that year. And yes, that wasn’t the most offensive religion-related occurrence in WWF history.


“You sit there and you thump your Bible and you say your prayers, and it didn’t get you anywhere. Talk about your psalms, talk about John 3:16.  Austin 3:16 says I just whooped your ass.”

At the 1996 King of the Ring, Stone Cold Steve Austin celebrated beating Jake “The Snake” Roberts in the Finals of the tournament by opening a historic can of verbal whoop ass. The debut of Austin 3:16 was only the beginning of the meteoric rise of arguably one of the most popular wrestlers of all-time. Austin’s schtick was never for me, but he could still handle the mike as good as anyone. It’s easy to see why he became such a big star, especially in redneck country.

This is the height of wrestling. You start with the WWF’s preeminent personality, Stone Cold Steve Austin. Throw in a little Mick Foley doing his Dude Love thing with a giant stain on his ass. The Undertaker is inexplicably standing at ringside doing nothing until he slams some 80-year-old dudes through the announce tables (ay caramba). Vince McMahon is jacked up on ‘roids as the referee, yet he refuses to give Stone Cold the three-count. And the icing on the cake, as always, is Jim Ross’s impassioned play-by-play. It’s not wrestling if J.R. isn’t calling things. I wish he announced my life:

“Keith Stone crossing the street. AND HE WAS ALMOST HIT BY A BIKE! GOOD LORD, WHAT WAS HE THINKING!? BUSINESS IS ABOUT TO PICK UP!”

Let’s take a look out how ludicrous and awesome the ending is. First, the Dudester hits McMahon in the face with a steel chair even though they’re allies. A sanctioned referee enters the ring to fill in for McMahon and is interfered with by McMahon’s crony, Pat Patterson. Then, Patterson and Gerald Brisco, who theoretically have about as much authority as me trying to call a foul on LeBron James from the crowd, try to count the pin.

That doesn’t even come close to the most ridiculous part of it all. When the Undertaker says adios to the stooges, Stone Cold earns the victory by using McMahon’s own unconscious hand for the 1-2-3. Can you imagine if the Giants scored six points because Brandon Jacobs knocked out Ed Hochuli and raised his arms to signal a touchdown? Oh, I love wrestling.

Vince McMahon spent weeks training for the 1999 Royal Rumble. After being beaten all over the Arrowhead Pond including the bathroom, yes the bathroom, Mr. McMahon emerged at the announce table. When his nemesis Stone Cold Steve Austin was left standing as the final competitor, it was McMahon vs. Austin for the umpteenth time but Mr. McMahon had the Corporate Champion on his side.

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With Mr. McMahon laid up in the hospital with a busted foot, he had a few visitors come to say hello. First up, Mick Foley did his best to spread the cheer with his new friend Mr. Socko. Then, it was time to talk to the doctor.

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Looks like Stone Cold Steve Austin is going to join The Rock at Wrestlemania as a guest referee in a few weeks. Austin is arguably the most popular wrestler of all-time and I definitely appreciate him more now as a guy who’s had a few Steveweisers than when I was a kid. However, I still always loved this moment. As Vince and Shane McMahon gloated with The Rock about how bad Stone Cold was going to get it at Wrestlemania XV, the Rattlesnake had other plans.

BONUS VIDEO: This gets points for JR’s announcing and non-stop puns.