Archive for the ‘WWF’ Category

Slobberknocker: The Biggest Dreams

Posted: October 7, 2011 by Keith Stone in Bret Hart, Slobberknocker, videos, wrestling, WWF


On a cold night in Saskatoon in 1992, Bret Hart defeated Ric Flair for his first WWF Championship. The Title was well-deserved; Bret was one of the hardest workers in the company for a number of years and had finally earned the prize. It wasn’t easy, however. In reality, he had badly dislocated his finger escaping from a figure-four leglock earlier in the match. The win propelled the Hitman into greatness and he eventually became one of the most popular wrestlers of all-time.


Considering his minimal role in the WWF, Goldust has had his share of memorable moments over the years. In this clip, the Bizarre One is attacked by Randy Orton and Batista for not giving the whereabouts of Scott Steiner. Not content with merely beating the shit out of him, the Evolution duo threw Goldy into some stray electrical equipment at ringside. The equipment was only there for that one show. Go figure. Goldust survived but somehow developed a hilarious case of Tourette’s syndrome from the encounter. Not surprisingly, this isn’t the only time there’s been a questionable plot point in the WWF.

Punked?

Posted: September 25, 2011 by Keith Stone in CM Punk, wrestling, WWF


When CM Punk did a series of promos a few months ago and seemingly shattered the fourth wall of professional wrestling, it appeared a new era was about to begin. It couldn’t have come at a better time. After the over-the-top Attitude Era, where blood and references to tits and ass were more prevalent than the Brooklyn Brawler’s defeats, the WWF transitioned into a more family-friendly place. Programming was rated TV-PG instead of TV-14 and it became stale and boring. John Cena became the people’s champion of a younger and younger demographic. He liked to rap, yo.

Wrestling has always been full of characters, and for good reason. George Steele is a fat old man. George “The Animal” Steele is not. Characters drive ratings and put asses in the seats.

But the times, they are a-changing. With the rise of reality TV and social media, as well as an ever-cynical society, wrestling was at a crossroads. The fans know it’s a show (at least most of them) and can access Twitter to find out what their favorite wrestlers are doing in their real lives and communicate back-and-forth. It’s like seeing the Wizard of Oz behind the curtain. This openness had never been had before.

And then Punk cut his first shoot promo. He was breaking all the rules. He used wrestlers’ real names, talked about never-before-seen executives, and aired his grievances live on the air. It was well-known that his contract was expiring and he was likely to leave after the Money in the Bank pay-per-view in his hometown of Chicago. Was this all a part of the show or was a fed-up Punk going rogue knowing that he only had a few weeks left with the company?

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This week we have a very special guest host for the Wrestling Video of the Week. No, not Bob Barker, ZZ Top, or former WCW Champion David Arquette. It’s our old friend, Naitch. Take it away, brother:

This week’s classic wrestling video is none other than the introduction of the bad guy, Razor Ramon. From the moment Vince McMahon says, “We take you now to a Cuban immigrant,” you knew it would be epic. But then, Mr. Hall lowered the boom, telling kids not to go to school, pointing out his slick threads and shiny bling, and then flicking a toothpick into our living rooms for the very first time, chico. In his second appearance, he showed us just how tough he really is by stealing a plum from a fruit stand. Speaking of food, where can I get one of those ice cream bars?


Here’s a promo featuring six of the weirdest characters in wrestling history. The Berzerker, who used to be known as the Viking and still looks and acts like a viking, and Papa Shango, who would go on to be the greatest pimp in wrestling history, are somehow buddies being managed by Mr. Fuji. Fuji, in his stereotypical tuxedo, finds the affair so entertaining that he can’t help but laugh maniacally the entire time. If that’s not enough, you have the absolutely insane Ultimate Warrior growling and making faces being paired up with the Undertaker while Paul Bearer looms ominously. If anyone can figure out what anyone is saying in this, lemme know.

“The positive light of the training, the prayers, and the vitamins will prove at Wrestlemania VI that Hulkamania is still the strongest force in the universe.”

Remember the gold old days? When contract signings were done in board rooms instead of in the middle of the ring and ended with a face-off instead of somebody getting hit with the table? WWF President Jack Tunney masterfully presided over the contract signing for the main event at Wrestlemania VI between Hulk Hogan and the Ultimate Warrior. It’s a good thing both parties got dressed up for the occasion and had their lawyers take a look at the contract beforehand. I especially like Warrior’s leather jacket and face paint ensemble. Could there be a worse job in the world than being his lawyer? I don’t think so.

This is the height of wrestling. You start with the WWF’s preeminent personality, Stone Cold Steve Austin. Throw in a little Mick Foley doing his Dude Love thing with a giant stain on his ass. The Undertaker is inexplicably standing at ringside doing nothing until he slams some 80-year-old dudes through the announce tables (ay caramba). Vince McMahon is jacked up on ‘roids as the referee, yet he refuses to give Stone Cold the three-count. And the icing on the cake, as always, is Jim Ross’s impassioned play-by-play. It’s not wrestling if J.R. isn’t calling things. I wish he announced my life:

“Keith Stone crossing the street. AND HE WAS ALMOST HIT BY A BIKE! GOOD LORD, WHAT WAS HE THINKING!? BUSINESS IS ABOUT TO PICK UP!”

Let’s take a look out how ludicrous and awesome the ending is. First, the Dudester hits McMahon in the face with a steel chair even though they’re allies. A sanctioned referee enters the ring to fill in for McMahon and is interfered with by McMahon’s crony, Pat Patterson. Then, Patterson and Gerald Brisco, who theoretically have about as much authority as me trying to call a foul on LeBron James from the crowd, try to count the pin.

That doesn’t even come close to the most ridiculous part of it all. When the Undertaker says adios to the stooges, Stone Cold earns the victory by using McMahon’s own unconscious hand for the 1-2-3. Can you imagine if the Giants scored six points because Brandon Jacobs knocked out Ed Hochuli and raised his arms to signal a touchdown? Oh, I love wrestling.

Trailer Park: Inside Out

Posted: September 1, 2011 by Keith Stone in Inside Out, Trailer Park, Triple H, videos, wrestling, WWF

Triple H and Michael Rapaport playing brothers who get wrapped up in a robbery gone wrong? Sign me up! Just check out the star power in this one. Parker Posey! Bruce Dern! It’s like the Philadelphia Eagles of movies. Triple H should go ahead and quit as COO of the WWF and move into movies full-time. I don’t get why CM Punk always makes fun of his acting. He’s like Bobby DeNiro and Lou Ferrigno wrapped up into one.

Before he was WWF Champion The Miz, he was Challenge Champion Mike Mizanin, winner of Battle of the Seasons and The Inferno II. Who would have thought that he would go on to be in the main event at WrestleMania? It still pales in comparison to competing against Jeremy in the candle-holding Inferno.

The Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase is a generous guy. He even offered to give this young man $500 if he could dribble a basketball 15 times. Sounds easy enough until DiBiase kicks the ball away. The poor kid looks so disappointed. Even more disappointed is probably his mom in the background. Could’ve bought a lot of groceries with that money. Also, I could never tell if having Virgil as a manservant was racist. Anybody know?