WEEK 13 Picks: Real or J-Lo?

Posted: December 4, 2011 by Keith Stone in 2011 NFL Picks, football, NFL


As I wrote earlier, there’s no chance in hell that Jennifer Lopez cruises around the hood in a Fiat. Turns out I was right. It was revealed that Jen shot her part of this commercial in a Hollywood soundstage while a body double actually did the cruising. There’s a bunch of J. Lo’s in the NFL right now: teams that look competent but have the same chance of winning the Super Bowl as an millionaire diva returning to her roots in a budget Italian car.

The Bills and Chargers have been the two biggest J. Lo’s so far, but they’re not the only ones. How about the Ravens, Falcons, Jets, or even the Patriots? I’ll guarantee you that one isn’t as good as we all think they are. The real trick is being able to sniff out which one before the reveal. Pick time, kids.

TITANS AT BILLS (-2.5)
Stone: Titans

Slumdeezy: Bills

Rory: Titans
Screw the Bills.

DP Animal: Titans
A potentially resurgent CJ2K against that woeful Buffalo defense seems like a solid bet.

Phanatic: Titans
You know my new rule.

CHIEFS AT BEARS (-6.5)
Stone: Chiefs

Slumdeezy: Bears

Rory: Bears
Hooray!  Basketball is back!

DP Animal: Bears
There are so many bad QBs in the NFL right now.

Phanatic: Bears

RAIDERS AT DOLPHINS (-2.5)
Stone: Raiders

Slumdeezy: Raiders

Rory: Raiders
I’m tired about being skeptical about the Nets.  This year, I’m all in on the zaniness.  Dwight Howard for 2012!

DP Animal: Dolphins
My guess is the Raiders commit 14 penalties, including a stupid personal foul that allows the Dolphins a critical first down on their game-winning drive.

Phanatic: Raiders

BENGALS AT STEELERS (-6.5)
Stone: Bengals

Slumdeezy: Steelers

Rory: Bengals

DP Animal: Steelers
I like what’s going on in Cincinnati, but it’s hard to imagine them going into Pittsburgh and doing much.

Phanatic: Bengals
Final score 13-10. You heard it here first.

JETS (-2.5) AT REDSKINS
Stone: Redskins
The Redskins aren’t horrible and you never know what you’re getting from the J-E-T-S.

Slumdeezy: Jets

Rory: Jets

DP Animal: Jets

Phanatic: Jets
They’re gearing up for their next AFC Championship loss.

FALCONS (-2.5) AT TEXANS
Stone: Texans
Bring back Favre.

Slumdeezy: Falcons

Rory: Falcons

DP Animal: Falcons
Oh, those poor tormented Texans fans (all 38 of them).

Phanatic: Falcons

BRONCOS AT VIKINGS (-1.5)
Stone: Broncos
Lost in Tebowmania is the fact that the Broncos defense is pretty good.

Slumdeezy: Broncos

Rory: Broncos

DP Animal: Vikings
Gotta figure some team will get out to a lead against the Broncos and force Tebow to throw the ball.

Phanatic: Broncos

COLTS AT PATRIOTS (-20.5)
Stone: Patriots

Slumdeezy: Patriots

Rory: Patriots
Ask yourself, “How much of an asshole is Bill Bellichek?”  Your answer should determine how you feel about this spread.

DP Animal: Patriots
What’s more amazing, the spread or the fact that I’m giving the points?

Phanatic: Patriots
Wow.

PANTHERS AT BUCCANEERS (-2.5)
Stone: Panthers
Who’s watching this one?

Slumdeezy: Buccaneers

Rory: Panthers

DP Animal: Panthers

Phanatic: Panthers

RAVENS (-6.5) AT BROWNS
Stone: Browns
The Browns’ll keep it close.

Slumdeezy: Ravens

Rory: Ravens

DP Animal: Ravens

Phanatic: Browns
Games like this keep Browns fans interested.

COWBOYS (-4.5) AT CARDINALS
Stone: Cardinals
For Rory’s girl.

Slumdeezy: Cowboys

Rory: Cowboys
You aren’t tricking me this week, Cardinals.

DP Animal: Cowboys
Even though it’s about time for Tony Romo’s annual collapse, the Cardinals are very bad.

Phanatic: Cardinals

PACKERS (-6.5) AT GIANTS
Stone: Giants

Slumdeezy: Packers

Rory: Giants
I’m calling it now – despite what all logic tells me – Giants coming off six days rest, Packers coming off ten days rest, Packers being undefeated, Giants falling apart – Giants win this outright!

DP Animal: Packers
Speaking of annual collapses, the Tom Coughlin Giants everyone!

Phanatic: Packers
Not sure if the Giants can bounce back.

RAMS AT 49ERS (-13.5)
Stone: 49ers
Weren’t the Rams supposed to be good?

Slumdeezy: 49ers

Rory: 49ers

DP Animal: Rams
Too many points for a mediocre offense.

Phanatic: 49ers

LIONS AT SAINTS (-8.5)
Stone: Lions
This is going to be a barnburner.

Slumdeezy: Saints

Rory: Saints

DP Animal: Lions
Too many points for a mediocre defense.

Phanatic: Saints

CHARGERS (-2.5) AT JAGUARS
Stone: Chargers

Slumdeezy: Chargers

Rory: Chargers
I read somewhere that teams after losing to Tebow are 6-1.  So, why not?

DP Animal: Jaguars
I, for one, will miss Norval Eugene Turner.

Phanatic: Chargers
Too many personnel changes for the Jags this week, even though the Chargers will still end up playing at their level.

CURRENT RECORDS
Rory: 97-74 (Last week: 8-7)
Stone: 97-74 (11-4)
Slumdeezy: 92-79 (8-7)
DP Animal: 85-86 (8-7)
Phanatic: 82-89 (7-8)

Last week’s picks

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