Johnny Bananas sure has a way with the ladies. He and Camila are probably cuddling in bed as you read this, resting from a strenuous workout, speaking in Portuguese, and coming up with cute nicknames for each other. She better stay on his good side, though, because as we saw from this week’s episode, Mr. Bananas does not forget it when you wrong him. Yes, Johnny sent Rachel and Aneesa into the Dome as payback for something that happened on The Island. In case you’re wondering, The Island happened so long ago that Camila was in middle school when it came out (I’m assuming). Nevertheless, Rachel and Aneesa prevailed and now have their sights set on the house’s reigning power couple. Johnny Bananas has 99 problems and these bitches are one. Now let’s rank these degenerates, shall we?
ELIMINATED-Tyrie & Jasmine (Last week: 8)
It’s been a rough Black History month. Whitney Houston died and half the NBA is injured, but more importantly, two black teams have been sent packing in a row. Did the producers really have to have a swimming Challenge in February? Tyrie and Jasmine had their usual roller coaster of a week. First, they were getting along. Then, they got into a raging argument. Of course, it’s never good when you fall on your partner’s head during a Challenge. Let’s hope we never see these two again.
7. Mark & Robin (LW: 2)
CRAZY ALERT! I almost forgot Robin was crazy. Almost. When Paula is giving you advice as you’re sobbing in your bed, you automatically move to last place in the power rankings. It was a really tough week for these two. Mark’s plan to jump off the spinning log early in the ROLLING IN THE DEEP Challenge backfired and the duo didn’t earn any political points as Robin awkwardly interacted with everybody and Mark threw Rachel under the bus, which could prove to be very important strategically and for karma purposes as the ranks get narrowed down. Does he really want to be on the show? Pitchers and catchers are almost due for the Yanks as well, so Robin may need to head to Tampa soon.
6. Abram & Cara Maria (LW: 7)
Did Abe give Cara a little kiss as they were getting out of the lagoon? If this couple can hold it together, they might have a chance to win but their behavior has been far too erratic. Abram provided my favorite part of the episode when he said a potential Ty-Paula relationship would be weird. Dude, you and Cara fucking whip each other!!! That’s a little weirder than two people hooking up at a bar. I also would have liked to see Abrama and Cara get a little more involved when everyone painted their faces Cirque du Soleil-style. If Abe painted his face like a horse, he probably would have won Cara’s heart forever.
5. Rachel & Aneesa (LW:5)
Lezbehonest, this team doesn’t stand a chance unless they fly under the radar but now that Rachel is being so combative with Johnny and Mark, it may not be long before they’re gone. On a positive note, I love Rachel’s arms. I don’t know if I’d rather get in her pants or have those triceps.
4. Dunbar & Paula Walnuts (LW: 4)
Dunbar and Walnuts continue to shoot up the rankings as they learn to work with one another and get better at the competitions. Also, any chance we get to see Paula’s enormous fake titties in a bikini is fun for the whole family. In fact, I think I saw more silicone when the cast was on the beach than the last time I was at the Apple Store. You would think that Paula getting romantically involved with anybody (especially with a boyfriend back home) would be bad news but when she hooked up with Mike Mike last season, she won her first Challenge.
Love At First Sight
3. CT & Diem (LW: 3)
The domesticated beast CT finally had a relatively productive week as Diem’s nagging led to a somewhat above average performance in the Challenge. I know she’s pretty hot but I don’t get why CT wants to be with her so badly. He could maul any chick he wants. They just need to hook up already. When CT is fist pumping and smoking his cigs at the Dominican Republic’s swankiest bar and Diem is humping every inanimate object in sight, it’s obvious they want each other. But back home as he’s sipping that wine and his thick Boston accent comes out, it doesn’t sound like wants to win. All this team needs to do is hook up and they will destroy the competition, and yet, Diem will not let it happen. As CT himself put it, he and Diem aren’t just not on the same page, he doesn’t know what book she’s reading. What happened to the monster that said he would eat Adam’s heart? He turned into a librarian.
1. Johnny Bananas & Camila Peanut Butter (LW: 1)
We touched on this earlier, but Johnny Bananas is a lover and a fighter. In what may have been the sweetest moment in Challenge history, T.J. told the duo they killed it, and Johnny kissed the top of Camila’s head. It was like The Notebook of MTV reality show moments. These two are so in sync with each other, I don’t think Justin Timberlake and Joey Fatone could do it any better. Whether it’s swimming side-by-side to another Challenge victory or using silly puns of each other’s names to discuss said victories, this team always seems to manage to finish camilaseconds ahead of their rivals. You know you like a girl when you start making puns with her name. I can’t wait till next episode when Camila’s boobs are censored with little Johnny heads. Bananas still managed to create mischief around the house as always by smashing a bottle of wine in Cara’s boot and forcing Ty to make a play for Paula under threat of sending him to the Dome. However, Johnny and Camila better pray that Rachel and Aneesa don’t end up the next power couple or they will most certainly head to the Dome.