I’m about to say something controversial so hold on. I love boobs. OK, that’s not the controversial part, but why do we have to watch an entire month of football where the players look like fucking Easter eggs? I know wearing pink is for breast cancer awareness but do we really have to celebrate it for a quarter of the season?
There are so many other causes. Let’s mix it up. Blue for prostate cancer. Orange for Chuckstrong. Heck, even go rainbow for gay rights. Let’s just agree that we’re only going to take a week or two every season and get all dressed up. It would have a much bigger impact anyway. The pink has run it’s course. Maybe it’s just that the Giants always play great in October and I’m sick of looking at highlights of Victor Cruz doing the salsa like he’s covered in cotton candy. Or maybe the Giants always play great in October because of the pink. Must be Eli’s favorite color. On second thought, I take everything I said back. Let’s make some picks.
CARDINALS AT VIKINGS (-6.5)
Stone: Vikings
Skelton/Kolb is the worst football duo since Finkle and Einhorn.
Slumdeezy: Cardinals
In honor of their about-to-be-in-the-World-Series baseball brethren.
DRK: Cardinals
Rory: Cardinals
I feel this is a bounce back game for the Kolb Klan.
DP Animal: Vikings
There’s nothing quite as engaging as a quarterback controversy where both options kind of suck.
Phanatic: Cardinals
This line confuses me.
RAVENS AT TEXANS (-6.5)
Stone: Ravens
Good teams don’t fall apart with the loss of one or two players.
Slumdeezy: Texans
DRK: Ravens
Rory: Texans
Those injuries on the Ravens won’t help them win. I think.
DP Animal: Texans
Losing LaDarius Webb will hurt the Ravens more than losing Ray Lewis.
Phanatic: Ravens
COWBOYS (-2.5) AT PANTHERS
Stone: Panthers
The Cowbots always make me LOL.
Slumdeezy: Cowboys
DRK: Panthers
Rory: Panthers
Ha ha! Keith wrote Packers instead of Panthers when he originally sent out the lines! Take that!
DP Animal: Cowboys
Phanatic: Panthers
I hope I hope I hope.
JETS AT PATRIOTS (-10.5)
Stone: Jets
Somehow.
Slumdeezy: Patriots
DRK: Jets
Rory: Jets
I just don’t think the best team in the league is 10 points better than the worst team. And these teams are neither the best nor the worst.
DP Animal: Patriots
Phanatic: Jets
10.5 is mean after last week.
STEELERS (-1.5) AT BENGALS
Stone: Steelers
Have we decided if the Steelers suck yet?
Slumdeezy: Steelers
Who knows?
DRK: Bengals
Rory: Steelers
I just think the Steelers are better. But, hey, look at my gambling record.
DP Animal: Bengals
Oh AJ Green, you’re so good, and no one seems to care.
Phanatic: Steelers
LIONS AT BEARS (-6.5)
Stone: Lions
Now that everyone’s high on the Bears, it’s their turn to fall.
Slumdeezy: Lions
DRK: Lions
Rory: Bears
And the Bears are a very good team. The end.
DP Animal: Bears
I think it’s time we all agreed that Matt Stafford isn’t very good.
Phanatic: Lions
CURRENT RECORDS
Stone: 20-16 (Last week: 3-3)
DP Animal: 18-18 (4-2)
Slumdeezy: 17-19 (3-3)
Rory: 16-20 (2-4)
Phanatic: 15-21 (3-3)
DRK: 13-23 (0-6)
Rainman Suite 
Good luck on those picks today!