Archive for the ‘Miami Heat’ Category

Jabroni of the Year: Queen James

Posted: December 31, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, jabronis, Miami Heat, NBA, Queen James

Did you think it would be anyone else? Queen James has a lock on this title for the foreseeable future. It’ll probably be the only one he ever wins. LeBron is the Jabroni of the Year because of the cowardly way he played in the 2011 NBA Finals. The greatest basketball player in the world idly passed the ball while his team floundered and lost out on the top prize. This wasn’t just a choke job, this was a puss job. John Starks may have gone 2-for-18 in Game 7 in ’94 but at least his fault was that he wanted it too much. You can’t blame somebody for being overconfident in themselves.

If the Queen was content with hiding in the shadows, that’d be one thing, but the kid has the thing about being a global icon. He wants everyone to love him, he wants to be a celebrity. Earn it, baby. The reason Dominique Wilkins isn’t on TMZ but Michael Jordan is is because MJ won Championships. People don’t want to buy shoes from somebody that shrinks under the pressure.

The sad part about it is that Queen James is so self-unaware about his whole situation, as evidenced by the fact that he seemed authentically surprised by the booing he received in nearly every NBA arena. He’s like the kid with the rich dad who thinks he’s cool because the popular kids let him eat lunch at their table. Then he goes to college and nobody likes him. I’m not saying he has to be smart or fascinating, but even MJ knew to keep his mouth closed when he needed to. LeBron needs to learn that trick because he is such a dense knucklehead.

Queen, baby, I don’t like you and you probably wouldn’t like me. I believe in things like courage, valor, and loyalty. You could never begin to understand those concepts. It’s OK. You have your money and there still are a lot of people that like you. But you don’t have that Ring. You got off to a nice start this season. Undefeated, the Heat look good. You (and Dwyane Wade) might just very well lead Miami to the Title. The only problem is that everyone expects it. The only person who can stop yourself is you. That doesn’t make you special, and being special is all you ever wanted. Keep passing. See you at the Garden in 2012. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.


Posted: December 30, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, Chris Bosh, Miami Heat, NBA, Shaq

Shaq has spent all of 2011 taking shots at Chris Bosh. He’s not the only one. But when Shaq went to take a last shot on the set of Inside the NBA, “Chris Bosh” got his revenge in the form of a strategically placed Christmas tree. It was his best move all year.

What Could Have Been

Posted: November 2, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, Knicks, Miami Heat, NBA, NBA lockout

Tonight should have been Opening Night for the Knicks. Their game against the Heat would have been an epic matchup, but it was cancelled as part of the NBA lockout. I’m pissed. Hopefully everybody is pissed. I won’t pretend to be an expert and make suggestions on how to solve all the economic problems the NBA has. I just think the two sides should compromise and come up with a 1- or 2-year bridge agreement while they come up with a permanent solution. Everyone is losing more money by missing games than making a bad deal. For now, all we have is memories from last year. But hey, when they involve Amar’e beasting over Queen James in the clutch, things aren’t so bad (until they cancel the Christmas games).

The Office always does a great job with its Halloween episode. From the montage of Dwight’s violent costumes (Pinhead was my favorite) to Creed going as Osama bin Laden, this year was no exception. However, Thursday’s episode was the best, if only for its shots at Chris Bosh. Darryl, Kevin, and Jim dressed the Heat’s Three Best Friends and the only problem was somebody had to get stuck as Bosh.

If you’re keeping track at home, Chris Bosh signed up for a chance to be part of a Championship team. Now they’re making fun of him in primetime. Hope he’s not too sensitive.