Archive for the ‘Queen James’ Category

Jabroni of the Year: Queen James

Posted: December 31, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, jabronis, Miami Heat, NBA, Queen James

Did you think it would be anyone else? Queen James has a lock on this title for the foreseeable future. It’ll probably be the only one he ever wins. LeBron is the Jabroni of the Year because of the cowardly way he played in the 2011 NBA Finals. The greatest basketball player in the world idly passed the ball while his team floundered and lost out on the top prize. This wasn’t just a choke job, this was a puss job. John Starks may have gone 2-for-18 in Game 7 in ’94 but at least his fault was that he wanted it too much. You can’t blame somebody for being overconfident in themselves.

If the Queen was content with hiding in the shadows, that’d be one thing, but the kid has the thing about being a global icon. He wants everyone to love him, he wants to be a celebrity. Earn it, baby. The reason Dominique Wilkins isn’t on TMZ but Michael Jordan is is because MJ won Championships. People don’t want to buy shoes from somebody that shrinks under the pressure.

The sad part about it is that Queen James is so self-unaware about his whole situation, as evidenced by the fact that he seemed authentically surprised by the booing he received in nearly every NBA arena. He’s like the kid with the rich dad who thinks he’s cool because the popular kids let him eat lunch at their table. Then he goes to college and nobody likes him. I’m not saying he has to be smart or fascinating, but even MJ knew to keep his mouth closed when he needed to. LeBron needs to learn that trick because he is such a dense knucklehead.

Queen, baby, I don’t like you and you probably wouldn’t like me. I believe in things like courage, valor, and loyalty. You could never begin to understand those concepts. It’s OK. You have your money and there still are a lot of people that like you. But you don’t have that Ring. You got off to a nice start this season. Undefeated, the Heat look good. You (and Dwyane Wade) might just very well lead Miami to the Title. The only problem is that everyone expects it. The only person who can stop yourself is you. That doesn’t make you special, and being special is all you ever wanted. Keep passing. See you at the Garden in 2012. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.

Who Is Managing Queen James?

Posted: September 13, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, fashion, NBA, Queen James

Queen James knows fashion when he sees it. That’s why he tweeted that he’s in New York for Fashion Week to support his sister, LeBre’sha, who he claims will be the world’s next supermodel. I don’t know but I think I’m in love. Wait a minute. Is that a mustache?

It’s amazing to me that LeBron keeps doing these stupid things when he apparently has a huge team managing his every move. “Hey LeBron, why don’t you tweet out a picture of yourself in a Cover Girl ad? It’ll totally make people forget about the whole Decision thing and it wouldn’t be strange at all!” Seriously, what is the point of this? Is it supposed to be funny? LeBron needs to hit the gym and work on his cross-court moves instead of his cross-dressing moves. He needs to be less Dennis Rodman and more Michael Jordan. In fact, if MJ saw this, he’d probably smash all his golf clubs.

I Bet He Wishes He Could Pass This One

Posted: August 26, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, NBA, Queen James, water sports

In your daily “LeBron is a bitch” news, here’s footage of Queen James taking three minutes to jump off a diving board while he was in Barcelona for some reason. They must boo him less there. It’s not like we’ve seen him freeze up in big moments before.

I don’t even know who this shirt insults more. Are the people of Akron supposed to be pumped that LeBron is using the Heat logo? And why would Heat fans want to be associated with Akron? Akron and the Miami Heat are perhaps the two most unrelated entities in the universe. It’s like ice cream and pickles. Or LeBron and clutch play. Oh, snap. Seriously, though, what’s the point of the shirt and then posting the picture on Twitter? I honestly feel like LeBron isn’t intentionally trying to hurt anyone’s feelings but I would still be pissed about it if I was from Northeast Ohio. If you break up with your girlfriend and she still invites you to her birthday party because she wants to be cordial, you don’t bring your new supermodel girlfriend. LeBron is such a dolt.

Happy Anniversary, Queen James!

Posted: July 9, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, NBA, Queen James

This happened a year ago today. How’d that turn out?

The Decision II

Posted: June 15, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, Queen James, WNBA

Looks like Queen James couldn’t handle the pressure of playing in front of all those rabid fans in South Beach, so he’s taking his talents somewhere a bit more accommodating. Here’s wishing LeBron all the luck in the world in the WNBA!

Queen James Is Darth Vader

Posted: June 14, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, comeuppance, NBA, NBA Finals, Queen James

“You were the chosen one…”

It’s so simple. LeBron isn’t evil. He’s just tragic; he’s lost. Even as you’re rooting against him, you almost feel sorry for him. Almost.

Both LeBron and Vader grew up without fathers and endured fairly traumatic childhoods. With unparalleled potential, each was coddled in their training and was expected to be the most powerful person in their respective field, restoring it to former glory and even greater heights. However, neither was prepared to handle the early failures that every person must endure on the way to finding themselves. You could see the signs but wanted to ignore it. Arrogance. Envy. Pride.

Then came the betrayal—Anakin leaving the Jedi and joining the Sith under the Dark Lord Darth Sidious, LeBron leaving Cleveland and joining the Heat under the Dark Lord Pat Riley. In each case, their conflicted emotions were manipulated against them. Their new Dark Lords promised them greater power and grandeur than they could ever imagine but Anakin and LeBron were not prepared for the backlash.

Surely, Padme would want Anakin to rule the galaxy and the fans would want to see a Miami dynasty. But now with their hearts and minds corrupted, their flaws were exposed and ultimately they were defeated by Europeans with flesh-colored beards.

When LeBron lost to Obi-Wan Nowitzki, it was sad. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Had he had a more confident personality or better support system, maybe this all wouldn’t have happened. If he had remained in Cleveland or even come to New York, he would have been a conquering hero.

Instead LeBron took the easy way out but nobody followed him to South Beach, where the failure burns almost as hot as Mustafar. He still has his crew in Wade, Bosh, and Riley, but little else. LeBron wanted to be a Global Icon and now he is. He represents nearly everything that is wrong with this generation: trying to win without putting in the effort, lacking confidence in yourself, and pursuing fame and glamour above all else.

In the end, we learned that Vader still had some good in him as he helped destroy Sidious and the Empire. The prophesy was correct and balance was restored to the Force. Despite the negativity surrounding LeBron, his Decision piqued interest in basketball and the ratings for the Finals were the highest in years. Not counting the impending labor issues, the NBA is in the best shape it has been since Michael Jordan was in the league. LeBron has a lot to do with it.

Every story needs a villain. In recent years as the NBA has been trying to push a squeaky clean image with dress codes and T’s the moment a player looks at a ref funny, there haven’t been too many villains. Maybe this is LeBron fulfilling his destiny to bring the NBA back to glory and relevance. All I know is I can’t wait for next season.