I don’t condone drunk driving, but if you’re going to toss a few back and try to make it home, do not crash into a mobile command unit at a drunk driving checkpoint. It’s generally frowned upon, especially if you’re driving a douchey sportscar. Even Matthew Barnaby wouldn’t do that.
Soccer is boring. It takes a beer or eight just to be able to get through a game. That’s exactly what Tomas Fidra was thinking when he went to his buddy’s birthday party before the Jestrabi Lhota and Tynec-nad-Labem Czech league game. There was only one problem. Fidra was the referee. The players were a bit curious of his condition before the game since he reeked of alcohol and kept talking about the party he just left. Falling over several times didn’t help either.
Now referees generally aren’t the brightest creatures so it’s possible he just kept tripping on his shoelaces. However, when some of the Jestrabi players went to check on him, Drunk Ref red carded three of them, ejecting them from the contest. This confirmed everyone’s suspicions and the two sides decided not to attack aggressively for the rest of the game, which ended in a 1-1 tie. Luckily, league officials say the match will be replayed in its entirety soon. When given a breathalyzer by local police after the game, Drunk Ref blew nine times over the legal limit and now faces a year-long ban from officiating. He’s still gotta be better than Dick Bavetta, though, right?
Most studies that researchers do are idiotic. 58% of New Yorkers like the Yankees! Thanks, chief. Now get a real job. But this new study that was released is by far the worst I’ve ever seen. The geniuses over at the University of Wisconsin have deemed that students who had Facebook postings related to alcohol were more likely to be considered “at-risk” for alcoholism. I would tell these researchers to get a life, but what else is there to do in Wisconsin besides drink, eat cheese, and do stupid research studies?
This is the most obvious thing I’ve ever heard in my life. The kid that posts, “Just drank three sixers of Old Style. I’m ready to go to College Gameday and taunt Lee Corso,” might be a bit at-risk. If a kid posts a pic chugging from a bottle of Georgi, he might drink too much. Don’t we all in college? It’s like saying the stripper with the huge implants probably has some daddy issues. We don’t need a researcher to tell us this. So put away your supercomputers, scientists of Wisconsin, don’t judge, and crack open a cold one.
It’s been six months since The Suite launched with a story about Charlie Sheen and Andy Dick at the AVN Awards. Since then, a lot has changed. Well, not much has changed. It’s still a lot of fun to post pictures of hot chicks and make fun of life’s failures (LeBron James). Actually a lot more people come to visit The Suite now. 30,000 in fact. And they all say the same thing, “Keith Stone, I want to party and do bad things with you.” Here’s your chance, sluts.
Rainman Suite is throwing its first party on Friday, July 22 from 6:30-10:30 at the luxurious Three Sheets Saloon (3rd St. btw. 6th Ave. and MacDougal St.) in the Greatest City in the World. I’m buying so stop by and enjoy a beer and play some pong, at least until I run out of money or leave with some FIT girls. I’ll be the drunk guy that looks like a handsome version of Justin Long. See you there. xoxo
Rainman Suite 