Archive for the ‘BOSTON SUCKS’ Category

>Rivalry Video Weekend: Yanks vs. Sox

Posted: April 8, 2011 by Keith Stone in BOSTON SUCKS, Sox, Yankees
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The Yanks and 0-6 Sox meet for the first time this season over the weekend. There are a plethora of videos out there to commemerate the fact but I went out and picked the best two.

In one corner, Jack Donaghy and Jim Halpert face off over the phone. Alec Baldwin no doubt gets the best in this one (also NBC), while John Krasinski shows his true colors like Sgt. Slaughter joining forces with Saddam Hussein. Bonus points for Baldwin apparently turning into Jack Donaghy in real life.

In the other corner, Yankees superfan Michael LaPayower spoofs Rebecca Black’s Friday. The result is absolute genius. LaPayower gives a virtuoso performance despite suffering from voice immodulation.

Personally, I gotta take LaPayower on this one. KO in the ninth. I mean, he’s Fenway’s most wanted. I’m not going to go against him. The real question is: who ya got?

>Jabroni of the Week: Zdeno Chara

Posted: April 8, 2011 by Keith Stone in BOSTON SUCKS, jabronis, NHL, Zdeno Chara
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The Rangers have had more up-and-downs this season than the Great American Scream Machine. They’ll beat a team 7-0 and then get shut out. After winning six out of seven games to seemingly seal up their spot in the playoffs, they faltered a bit losing two of three. That combined with hot play by Buffalo and Carolina put them on the brink of missing the playoffs for the second consecutive year.

With the first place Boston Bruins in town, a lot was on the line. The Blueshirts got off to a slow start (™2011 New York Rangers) and fell behind 3-0. That’s when the magic started happening. Vinny Prospal scored twice to close to within a goal. Then with less than four minutes left, Ryan Callahan made a spectacular no-look pass to Brandon Dubinsky, who scored a pretty backhand goal. Michael Sauer followed it up with another tally a minute later and the Rangers had their playoff dreams back in hand.

The Bruins were frantically trying to tie the game up when giant freak Zdeno Chara took a slap shot that was blocked by Ryan Callahan. The Rangers’ entire season has been based around grittiness and doing whatever it takes to win. No one epitomized this more than Ryan Callahan. He’s been the heart and soul of this team and he’s a really talented young player. When Chara’s shot broke Callahan’s ankle, that’s what made it more disheartening.

Zdeno, baby, we beat you guys but now our leader is out for the foreseeable future. The Rangers followed up their incredible victory with a flat 3-0 loss to Atlanta and now need help to make the playoffs. This is all your fault. We know you have the most powerful shot ever and you already broke that kid’s neck up in Montreal. Please stop injuring players. You’re 6’10”. You shouldn’t be playing hockey. Why didn’t you learn how to shoot hoops when you were a kid? You could have been the next Arvydas Sabonis. Hit the hardwood, kid. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.

>Red Sox & Queen James Go 0-6

Posted: April 8, 2011 by Keith Stone in BOSTON SUCKS, Queen James, Sox
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Noted Yankees fan and traitor, LeBron James, curiously announced a marketing and sponsorship deal with the Fenway Sports Marketing, sister company of the BoSox, which includes ownership in the English soccer team Liverpool FC. Of the deal Queen James said, “It’s strictly business…It’s very humbling.” As if the Red Sox couldn’t raise their douchebaggery factor anymore, this pushes them over the top. I have so many questions. Does this mean fat chicks in Boston are going to be able to pick up pink LeBron jerseys at Fenway? Why can’t LeBron stop backstabbing everybody? Aren’t the Celtics and Heat huge rivals? Why do the Red Sox own a soccer team? Luckily, Queen James’s affiliation with the Red Sox has resulted so far in a Heat loss and the continuation of the pesky six-game season-starting losing streak for the Sox. Looks like it’s a perfect match.

ESPN

>Keith Stone Is Gonna Be A Daddy!

Posted: April 5, 2011 by Keith Stone in BOSTON SUCKS, Sox, Yankees
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As soon as the papers go through, I am adopting this child. His dad ranks up there with Marvin Gay, Sr. and the guy in the Mamas & the Papas who had sex with his daughter. By the way, the Red Sox are 0-3.

>Beached Whale Spotted at TD Garden

Posted: April 4, 2011 by Keith Stone in BOSTON SUCKS, Celtics, Shaq
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Shaq returned from a two-month absence caused by a sore right Achilles yesterday. He lasted less than six minutes before leaving with a sore right calf. Good luck in the playoffs with Nenad, Boston!

>Chair Throwing Madman Traded To Celtics

Posted: February 24, 2011 by Keith Stone in BOSTON SUCKS, Celtics, NBA
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Today is the NBA trade deadline. It’s like the Super Bowl for nerdy basketball fans. Apparently, Celtics President Danny Ainge didn’t think his team had enough maniacs and gave away Kendrick Perkins and Nate Robinson for Jeff Green and Nenad Krstic. You may remember Krstic as the balding Serbian freak who was arrested after throwing a chair during an international game.

He’s no Mick Foley. You know the second KG goes insane on Krstic during practice, he’s getting a trash can lid or ladder in the back of the head. No word yet on whether Paul Pierce’s wheelchair was included in the trade.

ESPN

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