Archive for the ‘Sox’ Category

Behind the Collapse

Posted: October 13, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, BOSTON SUCKS, MLB, Sox
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The details are starting to leak about the 2011 Red Sox epic Septemebr failure and it ain’t pretty. In other words, I love it! It’s like Days of Our Lives. Tito Francona was addicted to pain pills after he separated from his wife and spent the second half of the season living in a hotel. Beckett, Lackey, and Lester spent entire games in the clubhouse drinking beer, eating fried chicken, and playing video games. What happened to the idiots cowboying up? I thought that’s how they did it in Red Sox Nation? Ownership tried to make nice with the players by buying them $300 headphones. Is T.J. Lavin running the team? Jacoby Ellsbury only spoke to Jed Lowrie. Adrian Gonzalez whined about playing too many ESPN games. Kevin Youkilis’s evil twin poisoned him. I only made one of those up.

Honestly, I’m not buying most of it. Who cares if Jason Veritek or David Ortiz weren’t leaders or the pitching staff wasn’t in the dugout during games? This isn’t basketball or football where having real chemistry brings a team success. In baseball, you go up and you hit. If you’re mad at your teammates, it really shouldn’t affect anything. It always seems like it does, though.

Boston Globe

Paging Dr. Heimlich

Posted: September 29, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, BOSTON SUCKS, MLB, Sox
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The Red Sox capped off the greatest collapse in baseball history with an epic ending involving not one, but two games finishing within minutes of each other. Throw in the pretty impressive Phillies-Braves game and you had a pretty insane night of baseball. As for Sox fans, now they can spend October watching the leaves change color in their pretty little pink hats without having to worry about missing a game. How do you lose to the Orioles with your season on the line!?!?!?!?!?!? Nice work in the ninth, Papelbon. And Crawford botching the final play was the icing on the cake of an embarrassing 2011 season. At least he’s getting like $120 million over the next six years. The 1927 Yankees the Red Sox are not.

Tom Cabral, Man’s Man

Posted: September 25, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, BOSTON SUCKS, Man's Man, MLB, Sox, Yankees
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Erik Bedard was preparing to pitch on Tuesday for the Red Sox when he was served with papers for a child support case by Tom Cabral, a Yankees fan. Cabral used the opportunity to not only do his job but help his favorite team; he wore a Yankees shirt while doing the deed. Bedard couldn’t even manage to get out of the third inning that night, giving up four runs and hastening Boston’s September collapse.

I’m not surprised somebody on the Sox would be having legal problems, especially something having to do with paying child support, but what a genius move by Cabral. He served Bedard at Fenway Park a few hours before his start! He was like, “You’re a bad dad and your team is an embarrassing piece of garbage. Good luck on your start tonight!” There was no chance he was going to win.

Of course, Bedard’s babymama didn’t even have his address so Fenway was the only place to find him.  What is this, Kentucky? Actually, yes, this chick was from Kentucky. Stay classy, Boston. Your playoff hopes are resting partially on the shoulder of a hick who is trying to run out on his child support. For proving once again that the Yankees have the smartest fans in baseball, Tom Cabral, you are a man’s man.

NY Post

BOSTON SUCKS Day Is A Huge Success

Posted: September 2, 2011 by Keith Stone in BOSTON SUCKS, New England Patriots, Sox
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Once again, those idiots in Boston have to hang their heads in shame for coming up short against New York. Leave those pink hats at home today people because the Yanks and Giants rocked your ass. I’m sure you’re crying in your chowdah and saying to yourself, “It’s all gonna be OK. We’re still in first place.”

Well, it’s not. A.J. Burnett is back in business, Jesus Montero is going to be Shane Spencer Part Deux, and it doesn’t fucking matter if you win the season series or beat CC three times. We’re the Yankees. You think Derek Jeter is freaking out because you won 11 out of 15 against us? He’s got five rings and is literally hooking up with more hot chicks than there are in the City of Boston. Beanheads, you are fucked. And hey Belichick, gotta work on that fake punt defense.

Happy BOSTON SUCKS Day

Posted: September 1, 2011 by Keith Stone in BOSTON SUCKS, New England Patriots, PLAXICOOOOOO!!!!!!!, Sox
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Tonight, the Yankees and Football Giants are on the road to take on the Red Sox and Patriots, respectively. I can’t think of anything better to do than arbitrarily call this BOSTON SUCKS Day. I just can’t wait till A.J. Burnett throws a no-hitter and David Carr outduels Brian Hoyer. The superiority of New York will be proven once and for all!!!!! Here’s a little something to whet your appetite and remember, there’s no crying in football.

>Rivalry Video Weekend: Yanks vs. Sox

Posted: April 8, 2011 by Keith Stone in BOSTON SUCKS, Sox, Yankees
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The Yanks and 0-6 Sox meet for the first time this season over the weekend. There are a plethora of videos out there to commemerate the fact but I went out and picked the best two.

In one corner, Jack Donaghy and Jim Halpert face off over the phone. Alec Baldwin no doubt gets the best in this one (also NBC), while John Krasinski shows his true colors like Sgt. Slaughter joining forces with Saddam Hussein. Bonus points for Baldwin apparently turning into Jack Donaghy in real life.

In the other corner, Yankees superfan Michael LaPayower spoofs Rebecca Black’s Friday. The result is absolute genius. LaPayower gives a virtuoso performance despite suffering from voice immodulation.

Personally, I gotta take LaPayower on this one. KO in the ninth. I mean, he’s Fenway’s most wanted. I’m not going to go against him. The real question is: who ya got?

>Red Sox & Queen James Go 0-6

Posted: April 8, 2011 by Keith Stone in BOSTON SUCKS, Queen James, Sox
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Noted Yankees fan and traitor, LeBron James, curiously announced a marketing and sponsorship deal with the Fenway Sports Marketing, sister company of the BoSox, which includes ownership in the English soccer team Liverpool FC. Of the deal Queen James said, “It’s strictly business…It’s very humbling.” As if the Red Sox couldn’t raise their douchebaggery factor anymore, this pushes them over the top. I have so many questions. Does this mean fat chicks in Boston are going to be able to pick up pink LeBron jerseys at Fenway? Why can’t LeBron stop backstabbing everybody? Aren’t the Celtics and Heat huge rivals? Why do the Red Sox own a soccer team? Luckily, Queen James’s affiliation with the Red Sox has resulted so far in a Heat loss and the continuation of the pesky six-game season-starting losing streak for the Sox. Looks like it’s a perfect match.

ESPN

>Keith Stone Is Gonna Be A Daddy!

Posted: April 5, 2011 by Keith Stone in BOSTON SUCKS, Sox, Yankees
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As soon as the papers go through, I am adopting this child. His dad ranks up there with Marvin Gay, Sr. and the guy in the Mamas & the Papas who had sex with his daughter. By the way, the Red Sox are 0-3.