Archive for the ‘Mets’ Category

2011 Rainman Suite Team of the Year: New York Mets

Posted: December 28, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, Best of 2011, Fred Wilpon, Mets, MLB
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The New York Metropolitans had quite a year. After flirting with bankruptcy, failing to come through on their promise to sell David Einhorn a minority stake in the team, and finding embarrassing new ways to get fans to come to games in the midst of an uninteresting 77-85 season, this offseason has been brutal. Jose Reyes moved within the division to the Marlins and will haunt the Mets’ dreams for years but my favorite occurrence this winter is the announcement that the Mets will sell minority shares with awesome perks.

For only $20 million, you could own a piece of the Mess Mets and get your own business card! Ever dream of chilling with Mr. Met? Now you can. How about taking batting practice at Citi Field? Done. Also included is a reserved parking space, a weekend at spring training, and discounted merchandise. That’s right! If you give Fred Wilpon $20 million, you can get hats and jerseys for cheaper than they sell at the gift shop.

It’s like a fan club for douchebag investment bankers and lawyers, that is if anybody with an income over $20,000 actually liked the Mets. How about something a little more substantial, like actually being involved with personnel decisions? Isn’t that what an owner does? I’m not saying full-on making the decisions, but at least an invitation to a scouting meeting or something? It’s insulting to offer business cards in exchange for a $20 mil investment. If someone can shell out that much on a third-tier team, they could probably afford business cards. It’s thinking like this that makes the New York Mets our Team of the Year.

Jabroni of the Week: Terry Collins

Posted: October 2, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, jabronis, Mets, MLB
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Mets manager Terry Collins had a dilemma on Wednesday. Jose Reyes was leading the National League in batting and wanted to be taken out of the game if he got a hit in his first at-bat. Collins complied, Reyes won the batting title, and fans at Citi Field were confused and upset. With Reyes’s impending free agency, many fans turned up to an otherwise meaningless game to watch one of the most exciting players in the game play for the Mets one last time. I hope they got to their seats quickly.

Collins has been up and down about the state of the Mets the entire year. One day he loves that they’re playing hard, the next day he’s ashamed that they’re not. His press conferences had more mood swings than a chick PMSing while watching The Notebook. He finally broke down on Wednesday when discussing how proud he was of the team. When the topic turned to Reyes, Collins started crying as he explained why he took the superstar out of the game. He said that Reyes had earned that right over the course of the season but still felt for the fans that paid money and took the time to see Reyes. Hahahaha!!! Did you hear that? He cried!

Terry, baby, I know you’re new to New York but you have to learn a few things. First of all, nobody cares about the Mets. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Like 12 people went to the game to begin with and only six even knew who Jose Reyes is. Reyes isn’t coming back so you should’ve done whatever you wanted. Don’t let him win the batting title like a bitch; make him earn it.

It’s like Tom Hanks said, “There’s no crying in baseball.” Who do you think you are? Dick Vermeil? Although there’s no team that deserves to have the biggest pussy in sports. At least you only had this controversy in your last game instead of choking away the division. Toughen up, man! Go home and watch every movie in the Fast and the Furious series. It’ll put some hair on your chest and I guarantee the Mets will win at least 80 games next year. Good luck finding a new shortstop. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.

The Mets Strike Out (Again)

Posted: September 2, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, dinero, Mets, MLB
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It looked like the Wilpons had all their financial matters settled when they reached a tentative agreement to sell a minority portion of the team to David Einhorn, but the deal fell apart and the reason is unclear. We’ll probably never get a definitive answer from this he-said, she-said catfight that has developed, however, it looks like problems arose when somebody (*COUGH* the Wilpons *COUGH*) tried to change the terms of a potential future ownership change at the last second. The family will now likely sell off smaller parts of the team to several investors.

The Mets can’t even accept $200 million the right way. Einhorn was loaning them straight cash for the right to be called an owner of the team. He wasn’t going to have any decision-making power at all. The Wilpons were literally selling Einhorn $200 million worth of paper and would only transfer a minority stake in the team to him if they couldn’t repay the money.

If you can’t make money owning a baseball team in New York, then you are a failure at life. Einhorn is a smart guy. Just him being around the Mets would have been a good thing for the organization. If I was a Mets fan, you gotta believe I’d be pissed.

ESPN

Mets Need A Hug, Hire Nick Cannon

Posted: August 17, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, Mets, MLB, Nick Cannon
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Well, if it wasn’t pathetic enough to be a Mets fan, it is now. Fighting with the Nationals for third place in the NL East en route to a fifth straight non-playoff season doesn’t really drive ticket sales. The Amazin’s have resorted to gimmicky theme nights to help attendance before, mainly involving different ethnicities, fireworks, and douchebags who wear wife beaters and pump their fists while they dance. What they’re planning for Friday, however, may be an all-time low.

Nick Cannon, the actor, radio host, and Mariah Carey’s husband, will attempt to break a Guinness World Record by hugging 1,800 people in an hour. That’s one every two seconds. Not an easy task, although maybe this is a public service because there’s nobody I know that needs a hug more than a Mets fan. The Mets still haven’t explained the reasoning behind this seemingly random promotion. I think they’re just trying to embarrass as many of their fans as they can.

Hey, the Yanks have Yogi Berra and the Mets have Nick Cannon. Still, not sure a Mets game is the best place to accomplish this record. Do 1,800 people still go to Mets games? Maybe Fred Wilpon can get all 1,800 hugs. And what type of bogus world record is hugging the most people in an hour? Lemme know when Nick Cannon breaks the record for most shirts worn.

NY Daily News

Carlos Beltran Traded To Giants

Posted: July 28, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, Carlos Beltran, Mets, MLB
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The Mets finally traded Carlos Beltran. He had a pretty solid Mets career despite his problem with injuries. Let’s take a look at the highlight of it all.

Mets Lose On Balk-Off

Posted: June 17, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, Mets, MLB
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The Mets’ DJ Carrasco forced in the winning run last night against the Braves, but he did it in a new and heartbreaking way, even for Mets fans. Carrasco balked his way to a loss, flinching under the pressure of trying to sweep Atlanta. This is why it’s so fun to be a Mets hater. Just when all their fans think they’re turning the corner, nope. Kenny Rogers walks in the winning run in the ’99 NLCS. Getting a beatdown from the Yanks in the ’00 World Series. And of course, that Wainwright curveball. Beltran is still looking at that one. Mets fans are so pathetic, they still think their team can make the playoffs. Maybe when Wilpon sells the team. At least I have someone new to pick on now that LeBron is gone.

Fred Wilpon Is A Genius

Posted: May 24, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, Fred Wilpon, Mets, MLB
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The Mets have been a laughingstock for a few years now. Going back to their 2006 loss in the NLCS to the St. Louis Cardinals and epic 2007 collapse in the NL East race, to the more recent off-the-field embarrassments with Omar Minaya, Tony Bernazard, and of course Bernie Madoff, this isn’t the brightest spot in Mets history. But today is a new low.

In an interview with the New Yorker, owner Fred Wilpon took several shots at his players, his players. Of Jose Reyes, he said, “He’s had everything wrong with him.” Of Carlos Beltran, “He’s 65-70% of what he was.” And finally, of poor hardworking David Wright, whose production has dipped in the cavernous Citi Field, “A very good player. Not a superstar.”

Obviously, this is stupid for many reasons. Wilpon is antagonizing an injury-plagued roster that just managed to get back to .500. He’s also belittling the fans who are shelling out their hard-earned money to see a team that the owner doesn’t think is very good. At the same time, the worst thing is that he’s hurting the trade value of all these guys.

Or maybe Wilpon is a stupid like a fox. The big question of the impending Madoff lawsuit is whether he knew that his profits were ill begotten or if he was just an assclown who fell for the biggest Ponzi scheme in history. After this, nobody will believe he was smart enough to do his due diligence and figure things out. In the New Yorker piece, Madoff himself said about Mets management that “although I explained the Strategy [sic] to them they were not sophisticated enough to evaluate it properly.” Wilpon isn’t a crook; he’s a fool.

ESPN

Classic Video of the Week: Chicks Dig the Long Ball

Posted: May 18, 2011 by Keith Stone in chicks, commercials, Greg Maddux, Mets, Tom Glavine, videos
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The Mets lost to the Florida Marlins 2-1 the other night when relief pitcher Burke Badenhop drove in the winning run in the 11th inning for his second career hit. Only the Mets find new and more embarrassing ways to lose. In their honor, we celebrate one of the best commercials of all-time.

Josh Thole Teaches Dog Sign Language

Posted: May 8, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, Josh Thole, Mets, MLB, ridiculous
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When Mets catcher Josh Thole and his wife discovered that their dog was deaf, they decided to teach it doggie sign language. Ladies and gentlemen, Josh Thole is an idiot.

NY Daily News

>Johnny Drama To Buy Mets?

Posted: April 2, 2011 by Keith Stone in Entourage, Mets
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Fortunately, this is not an April Fool’s joke. One of the groups interested in buying a piece of the Mets from the beleaguered Wilpons includes Doug Ellin, the creator of Entourage. As part of Ellin’s plan, Kevin Connolly, Kevin Dillon, and Eddie Burns will be used to add “star power” (notice the quotation marks) to their bid.  I guess Ari is still worn out with his whole NFL experience.

This is exactly what the Mets saga was missing: B-list TV stars. They should just turn the whole process into a VH1 reality show. I’d watch it. Every week, the Wilpons give out Mr. Met bobblehead dolls to each group that advances to the next group of bidding. We can have cameo appearances by Turtle, Ray-J, and Donald Trump. How am I not a reality TV producer? By the way, I would totally go to Citi Field if I knew Dillon would throw out the first pitch in his Tarvold costume. VICTORY!

NY Daily News

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