Archive for the ‘Penn State’ Category

Pro Boner

Posted: December 17, 2011 by Keith Stone in college football, Jerry Sandusky, Penn State

Jerry Sandusky’s lawyer, Joe Amendola, has to be the worst lawyer of all-time. If Sandusky was on trial for anything besides raping children, I’d say that Amendola’s performance so far has been the real crime. Amendola and his crew are breaking out all the defenses. He’s like Jon Lovitz as the Pathological Liar. Sandusky was in the showers because he has the mental capacity of child himself. Yeah, yeah that’s right. Actually, he was teaching these kids how to shower because they don’t learn to shower in the hood. If anything, Sandusky deserves a medal and a ton of cash. Who else would teach the poor children to go under the water and rub soap on their bodies? To top it off, Amendola told the press that anyone who believes that his client raped children should call 1-800-REALITY. It turned out to be a gay sex line. Not the best week in legal history. Just look at this guy’s smile. I wouldn’t believe him if he told me the sky was blue and Kate Upton wanted to smash her boobs in my face.


The best part of any major news story is how it gets animated by the good folks over in Taiwan. So what if the cartoons are usually offensive and just blatantly inaccurate? The Penn State scandal received the Taiwan Treatment and it’s a doozy. It’s very creative the way they represented the child rape. And you wouldn’t think they’d be able to sneak Michael Jackson in there but they did. Asian people absolutely love Michael Jackson.

Don’t ask why, but accused child rapist Jerry Sandusky was interviewed on Rock Center last night by Bob Costas. Sandusky proclaimed his innocence and said he was just horsing around with those kids in the shower. Sandusky also mentioned that he enjoys looking at the beautiful green sky and greatly respects our President John McCain. Granted there’s a .0000001% chance he’s telling the truth, but if this whole Sandusky thing turns out to be the biggest misunderstanding in the history of the world, that he slipped in the shower just as the janitor was coming and made it look so much worse, how much would it suck for Joe Paterno and Penn State?

Sandusky’s lawyer was on the show as well and echoed his client’s thoughts. But wait, there’s more! His lawyer also likes fucking kids. Joe Amendola impregnated a 16-year-old girl about 15 years ago while he was helping her file to be emancipated from her parents. Luckily, Pennsylvania is ass-backwards and their age of consent is 16. The two love birds were later married. This story keeps getting weirder and grosser by the day. Here’s the most rational thing I’ve seen written about it.

NY Post

Oh Jeeze

Posted: November 8, 2011 by Keith Stone in college football, Penn State, ridiculous

This is the autobiography of the coach accused of sexually assaulting children at Penn State. It is not photoshopped. If you’re a child molester, you CANNOT name your autobiography Touched.